Sunday, October 12, 2008

on the coldest night, in the darkest room

oh god. so yesterday. i ended up spending the entire day with lindsey, which was fine, because i love her and missed more than i realized. kaleb ended up having a lot of family things to do, so i saw him sporadically throughout the day and later we went and kidnapped him and got slushies in bangor. he seems to be doing fine now, which is good. we were able to talk about it without any breakdowns, which i am going to assume is a good sign. but there's something that i am now so mad at myself about that i need to mention. and by mention i mean rant about. i am sure that most, if not all of you, remember danny. yes. well, i had been doing really well in my 'i'm over him, i don't like him anymore, blah blah blah' campaign. that is, until i saw him again yesterday for the first time in nearly four months. all we did was talk, but something about college has made it so much easier for me to say what i really think, and to also say things without thinking, so i said all sorts of things that i never would have said to him before. [haha, like commanding him to skip around hot topic in the cute little nurse's outfit he tried on, and then telling him that he was 'fucking adorable' and 'akin to heath ledger'] i'm sure he thought i was drunk, or high on something. i never would have dreamt of talking to him that way before. it did make me happy that he wants me to come back to see his cute little solo/ensemble performance in the spring, so i promised him that i would come back and cheer him on loudly from the very back row. i'd forgotten how cute he is when he smiles. and here's the secret i told lindsey once kaleb had left the car: right now, danny is the only boy i want to sleep with. seeing him again made me realize that in one way or another, i will always want him. and honestly, i don't regret that. okay, now that i feel better about my whole danny thing [sort of], i should sleep, since i'm going home early tomorrow. goodnight. krissy;

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