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Friday, February 20, 2009
it's funny how one apology turned into
me on my bed, crying because of distance.
i've always fancied myself a strong, [for the most part] emotionally stable sort of girl, but i proved myself wrong when she brought him up, asking me to forgive her for something she had no hand in. i blame him and myself for what happened, but she insisted that it was her fault.
even just thinking about patrik made me sick, and it lead me to think about how quickly he turned on me, and how quickly and easily it could happen again. cue the crying on my bed. it seems silly of me, now, since he's not the kind of person to throw his words around, he realizes the weight of what he says, but i still worry that he'll grow bored of this, and somehow realize that all of this, that saying that, that i was a mistake. i don't ever, ever want that day to come, but i'm silently preparing myself for it, because to me, it feel inevitable.
there's nothing i want more than to know for sure
that this isn't just some passing ordeal, because i honestly have never felt this way about someone before.
this is what love is.
and i am scared to death of it.
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