THE SICK ONE, revised
It waits in solitude, hoping for the day of its release. But that day may never come if its hands continue to be stained with the blood of veins.
The others feel what this creature brings, be it toy(?), or be it limb. Any who wrongly cross paths with it, will forever cower under its hatred. Hatred blackening the sun.
It calls for tolerance, it calls for revenge. It wants for all to fear. Live in fear, be one with fear, forever cling to your nightmares!
The day of release, a cry rises through the air; its dirty blood stains the walls. Walls that keep it captive no more.
Its eyes close, and its breath slows. The end has come.
HATRED WITHOUT REASON
My first breathe, followed by an ear-shattering scream. My body trembled with fear and the cold. My eyes were closed tightly, unable to open them, I only screamed louder.
My frail body passed from the giant, warm, but gentle hands of my papai, to the dainty, caring hands of momai. She placed my head against her breast, whispering silently, sobs interrupting her words. I struggled to peel open my eyes, and hardly managed a glance at momai. Her deep, dark green eyes crying silently, for fear of frightening me.
But I knew what was happening. I had left the womb yet my brother, my master Konaki had not.
Time dragged by, and my voice had faded. Momai and I were both crying silently, but for entirely different reasons. She had lost a child, and I had won the battle between Us. Papai “looked” me over, using his hands strangely enough. Then he sat down next momai, and cradled her small frame in his long, muscular arms.
An hour had passed, so dadai had said. The word seemed familiar to me, but I couldn’t think of its meaning. Konaki talked about it all the time. Hour… hourglass… his favorite words, it seemed at times.
“Sceadu…” rumbled papai’s deep, growling voice, unable to produce words of comfort. He continued, “Maybe there was only one…” He spoke so low, it was hard to distinguish his words from another. I couldn’t remember the meaning of most of the words anyways.
“K-k-kutt-rai-hic-ne!” she sobbed loudly, pressing her head into his thick chest. Momai’s timid voice whimpered into my short, thin hair. I clutched momai’s finger, quietly, and hoped Konaki would never see the light of day.
Dadai stood over in the corner, obviously wanting nothing to do with any of us. “Biggest mistake of my life,” he slurred under his breath, and clutched the empty bottle in large hand, tighter.
Momai gasped suddenly. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head. I screamed in terror. He had won again!
“Two hours late. But he’s fine, Scea. See?” papai, cradling the ugly creature dubbed “Ver Kai”. He whined loudly, and waved his puny fists in the air, angrily. He placed the fat pig next to me, and he quieted instantly. Ver Kai stared at me, with all three of his horrible eyes. His naked, chubby body squirmed under my emotionless gaze. I was too consumed with hate, but I would not give
him the satisfaction of knowing it.
He sneezed violently, and his entire form shook from the force. He smiled and giggled, and that smacked me in the face with his fat fingers.
When momai reawoke, almost a “day” later, papai had told her, she was overjoyed to see the hideous creature. My brother.
To this day, I cannot fathom, why she would choose the dogfaced boy, such as he, over me. Gift to the earth.
My poor, poor brother I can only imagine what you’ll have to deal with from me. But of course, I don’t care about your feelings, you overgrown fetus!
Although, even after writing this, Zee never did find reason beyond the fact that their previous incarnations were at war, to actually hate Vee. Until Vee learned the word “cryptorchid”, of course.
TO THE HEARTBREAKER
I
Will
Destroy
Everything
About
You
That
Makes
Me
Feel
Complete.
The End of
All you’ve meant
To me,
Nears.
I can’t
Take this
Crap
Anymore.
R U N
Run,
Run away
Hide from my hate
Fearing your own wrath
Frightened by the prospect of pain
And sacrifice
So sweet, innocent
Pure.
I am Tainted
Hated, evil
To be destroyed
Deserves death
Painful at that
Take away everything
Now!
TO MY FRIENDS,
I’ll bet you’ve noticed how I’m a bit more withdrawn from you all lately, huh? I’m just so full of anger lately. Lots of things in my life have been flipped upside down lately, and rarely do I get a chance to just rest.
Don’t just be afraid to break the barrier, be afraid of me. I’ve been feeling like my mind is slipping; your mere presence may set me off. I can’t stand to hear anyone’s voice, (not even my own). Right now, all that I feel is keeping me sane is my music.
It’s rare, when the presence of just about everyone, sets me alight; usually it lasts less then a few hours. But this particular episode, is two weeks, and going strong.
The only emotions I’m feeling is hate, hate, hate. Not necessarily towards you (Danielle, Ashlyn, Alex, Lisa, Melissa, Erica, Ashleigh and everyone else).
I think its (supposed to be directed) towards me. But I can’t really hate myself, when everyone is around. Its being directed towards all of you instead now.
I wish I had the cowardice/decency to rid the world of a horrible creature such as me, but I lack the ability. So, no this is not a suicide not. (If only it was :roll:)
What makes me laugh is everyone (and I mean everyone) is scared of me. Most aren’t even familiar with me. Is my true nature really that apparent? Can you all see the pain, the hate, the violence in my face? If you can, I never figured my emotions were that easy to read.
As much as I love being friends with all of you, I … think maybe I should keep my distance. I don’t feel myself anymore.
If you cross the barrier I’ve set down, it’s at your own risk. (and I kind of want you all to do so).
I feel guilty for having those dreams, about killing Melissa (D).
I feel guilty for feeling attraction towards Danielle and Peter, especially because they were dating at the time, I had a crush on them.
I hate myself for getting so close to Ashlyn. I wish I had seen it coming. I’d rather be the User (and the Loser) then the Used.
And as much as all of you get on my nerves, for one reason or another, I still want to get to know you better [Reggie, Lisa, Johnny, Alex, Ashleigh, Melissa, and all of my new friends.]
I just want to cease to exist.
To Melissa D,
I don’t care if you tell anyone I want to be a boy/transvestite. I’m just glad you took it so well, despite the randomness.
I wish I could take your suggestions, but I find it will be very hard to explain I want to take steroids/ have a sex-change surgery. It was hard enough explaining my sexuality to my mom. Gender Identity can wait until I’m no longer living under their house and rules.
Thank you for all you support, Melissa (despite the fact that you never call; maybe its better that way)
- With love, Miranda
To Danielle,
You have no clue how scared I was when Peter told you I was bisexual, and had a crush on you. (I seemed to have forgotten/didn’t know one of your brothers were gay at the time)
I’m glad you stayed my friend, though admittedly, that’s one of the reasons I wanted to share the bed with you, when we went to Pennsylvania. I apologize for how creepy that seems.
(The other reasons were, I cannot stand Melanie’s chattering, and I didn’t know Jacqui well at the time, etc)
I appreciate your friendship, and you willingness to let me confide in you.
- With love, Miranda
To Ashlyn,
I can remember, back in the time of “spiriters”, how close we were. Today, I am ashamed to know the both of us. I fear both of us, will never be the same but I don’t care anymore. During my sudden plummet back into Reality, I wished all sort of ills against you: AIDS, herpes, ovarian/cervix cancer, pregnancy, breast cancer, sterility, and I have no regrets. I’m sure you feel the same way.
Be glad you were taken out of art before all of this happened, or I would be in jail, and you, probably in intensive care.
I hope your next “significant” other is more then aware of your habits.
- With indifference, Miranda
To Rachel,
Dude, why the fuck didn’t you tell me I wrote Rebecca instead of Rachel in my last journal? I feel like such a dumbshit, and a total asshole for not being able to remember your name.
Next time, let me know!
With hope, this rant has not made you terrified of me (or you weren’t already), Miranda
I think I’ve reached the end of this rant. I apologize to all of my Watchers and Friends who had to suffer through this text wall. (I applaud those who got smart and left early on)
PS I do NOT appreciate being called Emo all the time. Emo is a genre of music, not a person.
Love to those who will remain my friend after reading this; indifference to those who don’t (good idea!).
- Miranda, AKA :devstoned-squirrel:/ Sceadu FerDeu
Run away no where
To chicken shit, two face
I'm gunna go there
The fear I cannot taste
You think you got me (you laugh)
You're gunna tumble down (you laugh)
Keep coming for me (fuck off)
I'll drop you on the ground
I fuck with no one
Until you get into my face
Break you down
Mercy, I cannot allow
Through your face, My fist will plow
Watching as your blood pours down
Lets do this now
You're gunna feel how (alright)
I really am with you (you're right)
You're going no where (must stop)
Don't really know what to do (you're right)
It's going to go on (fuck off)
Until you run away (alright)
You can't control me
You best do it my way (you won)
I fuck with no one
Until you get into my face
Break you down
Mercy, I cannot allow
Through your face, My fist will plow
Watching as your blood pours down
Lets do this now
Don't you know that
You can punch me?
Don't you know that
You can bring me down?
Oh my life would be so easy now
If you haven't stepped across that line
LINE!
Break you down
Mercy, I cannot allow
Through your face, My fist will plow
Watching as your blood pours down
Lets do this now
I'm done being there for others
They have their pain and so do I
Don't need to feel it all over
I try to hold on and you bring me down
"This entire opus is respectfully dedicated to those who have loved unconditionally only to have their hearts unanaesthetically ripped out; base not your joy upon the deeds of others, for what is given can be taken away. No hope = No fear." - Peter Steele (1962 - )
