Sunday, November 11, 2007

THE FOLLOWN POST IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES.
So, SG, I guess youre out. Just kidding.

Im sick, damn brother and dad gave me a bad cold.


But anyway, Ill tell you about what happened last week when out at the bar. Going a la Someguy, I will be using nicknames to protcect the innocent. Ive never done this before, but it needs to be done this time.

"Waz", "Francis", "The Hoar Boy", "RK", and "Cartman", and I were all out at our favorite watering hole Paddy O's. "The Hoar Boy" was running the pool table as usual. Sandbagging games so people would want to play him still. He was throwing games to the girls, he always lets them win. "Waz", "Francis", "RK", and I were playing darts, playing pool when our quarters came up. We were all also playing Silver Strike Bowling, a bar standard for us. Oh yeah, we were drinking too.

After a couple of hours, "The Hoar Boy" comes up and says, "Keep this chick away from me, and Ill give you all 20 bucks!"

Time for a little back story. "The Hoar Boy" has a history of getting historic "Beer goggles". A few of the girls I have seen him hook up with would make you retch. I know I did.

Anyway, "RK", "Was", "Francis" took it upon themselves to keep this girl distracted, as "The Hoar Boy" kept doing what he was doing. This girl looked like a fucking She-Dwarf, without the beard.(she would have looked better if she had one, her face looked something awful) But I was the only one who wasnt drinking heavily, and I guess I was the only one who noticed how hidious(sp?) this girl was.

I met the first openly gay guy at the bar that night, I know that he was gay because he would hump "Cartmans" leg like a puppy, and "Cartman" would proclaim, "Hey, theres a queer humping my leg" and everyone had a laugh.

There were a couple of really cute girls playing pool with the "Hoar Boy" so I was watching the game, when they decided to play "Human Limbo". One girl put her legs on the edge of the pool table, then the other one would limbo. She lost her balance, reached out, and grabbed me (Ill let you guess where she grabbed) and then the other one lost her balance and was starting slip off the pool table. I reached out, and "unintentionally" caught her by her ass. ^__^

I looked at the them, and said, "If youre going to get fresh, at least buy me a drink first!"

They laughed, and went to get me a drink. ^___^

Back to the she-dwarf, she was still trying to get to "the hoar boy" because she wanted to hook up with him, again. So, "Waz", "Francis", "Cartman" and "RK" went and took her out, and were working on her to keep her away from "Hoar Boy". "Waz" kept proclaiming, "ANY PORT IN THE STORM", meaning he wanted to go home with her.

They all went out back, I was still inside. I needed to cool off, and get some air that wasnt 90% smoke, so I went to get a breath outside.

I went to the little backyard of the bar, and was taking, oh, my third step, when I hear this she-dwarf say, "I want to see the twins next to each other."

I FREEZE, I DONT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS!!!!!!! Then, "RK" comes and drags me over to this troll and the next thing I know, she is lifting up her shirt and telling me and my brother to "Grab one"

I am very single, and still a virgin, as much as that pains me to admit. I would rather stay that way than grab one of those disgustinly large boobs. Then I hear "Well, if you want to hook up with "RK" you need to sleep with me or John too." (That was my brother throwing me under the proverbial bus)

I say "NO!!!" and go back into the bar. Having almost puked when she lifted her shirt. I like breasts, but those were gross. "I shouldnt have gone outside" is what I was telling people for the rest of the night.

At closing time, we all make our way home. "Francis" was long gone, having to work the next day. "Hoar Boy" went home to drink more. "RK", "Cartman", "Waz" and I are making way to my truck. She-dwarf is on her way home, or so we thought.

The next morning, we find out that she went to "Hoar Boys" house and he ended up sleeping with her anyway, with all that fuss at the bar, he still hooked up with her. That poor guy, we tried, some harder than others, to keep her away, but in the end, he still didnt learn his lesson.

There is the story, I cleaned it up as much as I could. Now if you'll all excuse me, I need to get back to bed, I feel like shit.

Take care
John
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