Friday, December 22, 2006

Just an Unknown thought of my life..

Dearest one and all I'm sorry. I haven't been on for quite a while now. I'm deeply sorry. I'm living a happy life yet being HAPPY couldn't even stop the PAIN in my HEART. WHY? Everyday, I always thought about: What would happen if I never met him? If I didn't find love at all. Would I still be HAPPY then? My friend Mae used to be with him, until I came along. Now him and I are together. But it hurts, why did he do that? Why couldn't he stay with her? Her heart now is totally broken than the one before I ever met her. Just today, I miss him so much because we're on our Christmas Break. Just then I heard he and she are going to the mall tomorrow. Later, I thought I know that they are best friends, but would it seem like they miss each other. Can't they see that deep down maybe that they both miss one another. I don't even know what I'm saying now. I'm Happy to be with him, but my heaty aches to see them both. Why? If I never met them? Would my life still be useless? Lonesome? Painful? Invisible? I............Don't..............Know....... Knowing how much I changed now, they would both tell me not to think this way..or that it isn't my fault. IS IT MY FAULT? I Don't Know... SEPARATION................ This is all our last year to be with one another. The last year then we separate to go to High School.... I guess that's the mysteries of life...... Everyone I'm sorry. The Darkness couldn't possibly disappear from my heart, even if Love is Happiness that will destroy it. The Past memories will bring it back. Sorry one and all, Rose(My confused emotion) In a way, I guess I'm Kinda like HINATA. SHY..QUIET..HARD WORKING..and I DON'T GIVE UP. I guess...heh Mine Kinda involves hiding my trueself. I Consume all of my anger and pain. Then hide it behind a Smile ^^....-_- heh that's if you can tell. The bad thing is Where does this Anger and Pain go? heh that's really an UNKNOWN.

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Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Back to normal- - Nooo!!! Exams are coming Up...

Well heh sorry I worried you all, I know again I wasn't on but now I'm back again.Oh and sorry about the other posts it just seemed that way somehow and at that time I seemed to be in darkness but now I'm all cheery and happy. But not all cheery, today when I woke up mehn I just noticed that I slept at 1:?? something so I knew I only had 4 hrs. of sleep mehn. -_- Well yea I had to walk late to the bus stop and yea I bought doughnut for breakfast. Then bus came early. Went to school, heh I was happy now knowing that my Daisuke (my bf)is okay. Well yea said hi to everyone, talked a little but yea I am glad my frineds are happy. Okay HB/CR: Heh just started the work again in my notebook but heh it's a good thing I didn't sleep. 8th pd: review for exam on thurs. waaaahh it's almost here!!!!!!!! 7th pd: fixed my folder and read a book. Heh exam is next week but I'm panicking cause I have homework. 3rd pd: heh work again and again, but nooo heh exam on Friday or maybe next weeek... 4th pd: YES Guam history heh well we played a game again to review for the exam. Yea I know another exam but I enjoy this subject more. Oh yea and our team won yea!!!!! Lunch: well normal as usual, but I felt bad that Daisuke's stomach hurt and well yea it's a bit boring but glad everyone is okay though I was worried about Daisuke. 6th pd: Heh my original teahcer came back and mehn I got in trouble for sleeping...O_O eh 2nd pd: well before 2nd I couldn't find Paul, it seemed like he went home so I was worried. Well during 2nd we did work and read but after I couldn't stop thinkin about Daisuke...I'm really worried. 1st pd: Still thinking about him, but here in 1st I finished my work early I mean I had all my papers so I fix my binder in a good order. End of school: Well I ran to the place where we always met after school but still he wasn't there. Well Shane came up to me and told me he went home so I guess I was sad and at the same relief that he was safe. Well that's all I did today and mehn EXAMS are everywhere!!!! Oh yea for Halloween I am gonna be a Devil, heh I know it's not my type of costume...but yea... Well yea g2g now sorry to worry you all well yea mother is very very mad. g2g bye Tanya

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Tuesday, October 3, 2006

" It really seemed like the end...."

First of all, yesterday night I was chatting with Mae. At that point, I seemed to be in complete darkness, I don't know why but I felt her pain. Then today, as I woke up I felt so weak my left arm hurt and I was so tired. Then when I got to school I looked at Mae, I had this great fear this deep darkness crawling up my spine. Later again, that's when I began to cry, I felt like I was losing her..but what's the use she refuses to have any help. Then came lunch everyone was normal now except Mae. Well her ex Franz was back to normal but he stil thought of her..other than that everyone just seemed worried and sad of how Mae acted. Later, I don't know what happened but there was a big fight I guess or I don't know all I heard was yelling. I was scared. How could this be happening? Our group, Are bond.., are friendship.., seemed to be tearing apart....is this the end?... .................................. Sorry again about this, but it's really confusing...the end seemed so near yet it's really far away.. PS: Thanx guys for trying to cheer me up but I am okay now. I just hope all my friends will.. ~Tanya

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Monday, October 2, 2006

" I'm back yet , pain just came back to my heart"

Well as you know, I've return. Unfortunately, I'm in pain already. My dearest friend Mae, is so sad or I mean seems to be in darkness, I don't know why, but I can really feel her pain. Then another one of my friends Franz, is feeling so dead or so depressed because Mae broke up with him and now since it's a rainy season here. Pain goes around so much. I feel like I am the cause of this...they say I'm not, but my heart is hurting I just know it's my fault. Huh, who would care anyway, everyone of my friends think I'm so fragile that if I'm sad they have to cheer my up right away, but no one could really heal be. I am fragile but can't no one see that I am already broken inside. I already have my eternal love worrying about me, but I don't want him to be hurt because of my dark feelings.... I have a HEART filled with LOVE, yet I still have my BROKEN HEART hidden behind my fake smile... Well sorry if this is bothering you guys or something, and I know I was suppose to say something about why I was gone for a while. But I am sorry guys, just had to let my dark feelings out. Sorry if this might've hurt anybody. well cya tomorrow guys ~Tanya

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Saturday, September 30, 2006

oh yeah i hacked in and fixed her site woot woot hehe i hope you guys like it :] this is slowdance click here to go and sign my guestbook please?

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Wednesday, July 5, 2006

The Newer version of my poem......

Here it is...well I am really sorry if I wasn't on it is just that yeah sis and bro taking control of the comp. And what's worse is that school is almost near so yeah I can't always go on. So if you ever want to contact me, email me at anime_angel221@yahoo.com or add me for msn messenger with this email. Okay...I am really sorry for all this..but when I am free again I'll surely visit you all. Okay. I'm sorry. Hope you enjoyed the Poem and yeah maybe I should make a story. ~Tanya Ps: sorry if it is small, Just ummmmm click it I guess....

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Thursday, June 22, 2006

....:::Entertainment:::....

Well I am really sorry if I haven't been posting lately, well I am gonna be busy so maybe sometimes I'll post or not. But right now my life is same old same old just no fun. So just to make you guys entertianed I guess I can put up some of my drawings, but I don't have a scanner or stories or even one of my poems. Well for today I can maybe share with you one of my poems and I guess one picture I drew. Well here it is: My Poem: "My Heart is Broken Today" Today my heart is broken like there is no meaning in this world. No light and no sun to be lighten on. When my heart is broken I feel no sense in my life, no light and no darkness just saddness in the lonely girl in my dreams. So what is my purpose in these worlds with a broken heart. The world of reality The world of a fantasy And the world of myself All I did or done was painful and hurtful. So my heart is broken today and now I feel no feelings of love and compassion within a man, just memories of fear and terror in which I tried to sacrifice today. My Comments: Well this poem was made Feb.2,2006 at that time I really felt that my heart was broken but I wasn't even in a relationship that time. But that time I was all lonely and I knew that if I ever like a guy I would surely break my heart or he would break my heart. Well this poem does'nt make sense right, well that time I wasn't much into thinking alot so that was kinda the best I can do. So if it doesn't make sense please feel free to correct it. My Art: My Comment: Well since I have like a big imagination I made this character up, her name Koru Uchiha.Well as you can see her last name is Uchiha well in my imagination she is a long last friend of Sasuke. So in this pic it shows that she is lonely, it is because for the first time she finally got to see Sasuke and she really thought she was the only one left of her clan. Oh and the bandage on her arm is actually like a curse but not like sasuke it's like a Firery curse that when she is angry it kinda makes her surrounding be on fire. But here she is calm. Note: This is not in the real Naruto show. Well that's all for now hope you like them both, and maybe I'll put up more. Bye Tanya

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Friday, June 16, 2006

What's Left of Me

Well just after my last day of school I feel like a dream of a fantasy just ended then now I am onto reality which is very lost. And right now feel like my mind has lost it am I in love or in pain? Well I don't really know the answer but I just know that when I first met the love that brought a bright light to my dark heart I just know that he would finally heal my heart but I guess I might be wrong because I am darkness and not all light can heal the dark. And I know that somehow my lonliness is growing beacuse I feel like the light just broke my heart into pieces. Well I might be wrong but I do know that being ignored and left out is one plan that shows hatred in their eyes that they really do hate me. I just can't think anymore am I not in love or hated, it is just to wrong I have to no the truth my entire life can't take it ..... more pai causes more lonliness and more friendship makes more love....I mean who am I to be if I am both.. But I have thought about it alot and somehow I guess I am a darkness than a light because in school I spend most of my time talking to myslef than, talking to friends. One lesson I knew about the light is that when you have found love you get lots of comfort but later it will soon end to a most broken hearted end. And I am guessing that this might be my path, because just looking through his eyes words of hatred approaches and that's what might be whats left of me. 1: Do you believe in dreams? 2: Do you believe in nightmares? 3: From all the posts I have put up am I more of the light or the dark? 4: Do you think I should give up love and move on?

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Saturday, June 10, 2006

My Nightamare

Well first of all I am really sorry if I didn't post on my last day of school. Well just last night I had this nightmare where I was very lonely in my 8th period classroom that some of my classmates kept taking my things. Then later I got so mad that I took it away, then later somehow I went to the mall and then I saw My bf ignoring me alot and alot that I just ran away from him. It is like he broke my heart without even saying anything, and that's when i got so heart borken that when I woke up it felt like it really happened...so yeah I kinda started crying and thinking that he might actually hate me, so I cried everytime I think of it or hear the songs: Buried a Lie and What's left of me.... Huh i dont' know if you guys believe in dreams but just dreaming of my nightmare really tore my heart and I can't help it I think he hates me...I still love him but I feel that he hates me. Somehow I don't know if my dream is true or not but I am really scared now to even have a broken heart even though I say I have felt it before but I guess is just the first for me. well that's all for now and please don't hurt your feelings because of this post. Well my lovelife is ending. Mena Hikari

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Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Why me?

Well till now I can still see myself as a burden to others I mean yuo guys here in otaku understand but I just know others in my school see me as a burden. Well i guess wuth everybodies encourgements I guess I feel better now but I know that this happiness won't last that long. Well I guess tomorrow is another day that I might or might not feel this pain but I am sure I will. Well I have no interesting things happening today except lots of exams and for my Health -1 and for language arts -4, huh it's kinda a good grade but well yeah I know I should've done better. then the rest of the day I thought that I maybe be smart but I know that I am such a dummy in other ways. well that's all I can say for now because i gotta sleep now for tomorrow. well before I go I want to show you another dark and light pic. Mena Hikari

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