Thursday, December 21, 2006

   One of those nights...
Top of the Day all! ^o^ Things went well yesterday considering a few things. I went to see Officer Johnson yesterday and he told me some of the really awesome things that I'll be doing for my AW job in the Navy, but there was one thing that bothered me... The S.E.E.R training program Survive, Escape Evade...and I can't remember what the R stand for. Basically Johnson told me that it is sometimes possible for an aircraft to go down behind enemy lines and for the crew to get captured - so the SEEr program is designed to simulate a mock prisoner of war scenario. Now THIS is what has pequied my attention: You have to run and hide, when you get captured they put a bag over your head and force you to march ot an undisclosed place, your shoved into a cell no bigger than a broom closet and forced to sit in one position on a crate - you don't sit on the nice crate, nice scary large man comes in a ruffs you up, your hauled off to an interrogation room, strapped to a chair and then grilled by Navy Seals wearing gear that makes them look a LOT bigger than what they normally are, you don't cooperate...they start smacking you around and shoving you into walls... Now, I will be brutally honest. The thought of being captured and tortured is disturbing enough, but the primal sense of exstacy that awakens deep within me is even more terrifying. As they say in the venacular: being tortured and captured will scare the crap out of me, but make me giddy with a dark happiness all the same. I will scream in terror at it, and love it like great sex at the same time. I scare myself a lot ^^''' So that whole thing has been clawing and prowling around inside my brain. I find it hard to sleep and to think about anything else and it has made me quiet and withdrawn ever since I left the NR Station. My silence drove Jeff off the deep end last night. He kept egging me on to talk and I eventually flat out told him that no I didn't want to tell him anything and that I didn't have to talk to anybody. We just got done having another talk about it a few seconds ago, I had to stop typing this up to deal with him. I just don't want him to bear this burden with me. I don't want him to know that I will have to go through this program. I don't want to hold my hand as I mull over it. Because, Jeff won't know how to comfort or console me. He won't be there when I have to go through this ordeal. And he would just worry intensly and unecesarily about me if he knew. I reassured him that I was alright and that everything was fine. I just want some quiet time to reflect to myself. I don't think he fully understood that, but he nodded and gave me a hug and went off to bed. I hope he sleeps...because I've had trouble. Yet! I have good news. I got all my christmas shopping done yesterday and this sunday I shall be with my mom and sisters and we shall have BIG Christams get together. I am really excited ^-^ Yes, yes. My friend Bill from work gave a CD with trance and ambiance and instrumental music and its just beautiful, it has really helped me to relax. AND! Today is my 'friday' at work. I will be off for the next two days. Good rest! And Jeff is taking me and The Drow to see Eragon ze movie. Yeah I've heard that its nothing like the book but that it is entertaining- so off we go! My kitty is pouncing me and I love it -yes! Bite that socked foot! Gnaw it well!!! XD And Tomorrow is Dungeons and Dragons Day! YIPPEE!! *does a dance* I loves mah D and D *tear* ^_^ Love to all, more soon! -Serrafina ^^
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