Wednesday, August 17, 2005

supposedly my "real" japanese name

Your Japanese Name Is...

Tamiko Heike

What's your Japanese Name?

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bored
okay peoples, i'm all out of heart-wrenching bits of truth for now, so i'm just gonna draw stuff for people. and since NOBODY got my riddle right WEEKS ago, i am no longer gonna post any such thing. i will be drawing ONE thing for everyone who responds to this, altho i'm not sure if anyone wants me to do that. lately i get very few requests, and now that i'm finally putting things up, i need something TO put up. i have to draw Satoshi for someone out there...and i will! i swear it! i just gotta find out who wanted it....and TO TOHRU KISANAGI: I WILL DRAW YUKI FOR YOU IF YOU WANT. OR SASUKE. yeah.....and peoples? Tohru needs to be loved here! GO COMMENT ON HER POSTS FOR GOODNESS SAKE! jeez you peoples. alright, some pathetic truth. people only pay attention to those with higher ability than themselves, but those who have a greater ability never return the favor or offer to help. why is that? i admit to being this way, and those of you who say "oh, i don't do that" are only lying to themelves. human nature is such a strange thing...so i'm going to try to return the favor to those who aren't as good as me and to those who are better.lets raise some self-esteem here! i realize that i'm not as great as some people and when i first joined here, i was very upset that i had no friends until ONE person decided to drop by and say hello...and yes, i thank you, Merik Ishida.

okay, now that the random-ness is over, i'm gonna go eat some poprocks....poprocks and coke. YES I AM A GREENDAY FAN! w0oT!

Kaze-chan
~*PockyShinobi*~
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Tuesday, August 16, 2005

truth
friends that are kind and those who don't try to hurt you are extremely rare...and even though the hour may seem bleak and your heart is torn, those who truly love you for who you are will come to your side. however, there are times that nobody comes to save you because they do not want to catch your tears or hear you cry. it is in this time that one feels betrayed and unloved, and therefore blame themselves for not being "good enough" or "worthy" of a person's time. the next time you feel this way, turn to this...if you are not "worthy" of their time, what makes them "worthy" of yours? we all have problems and if just one person would sit down to listen and cry with one who is hurt, wouldn't the world be easier? even if one had a destroyed past, that doesn't mean they no longer feel. these people need the most love, and all you must do is give them a little time...and be the friend who is willing to catch fallen tears.

Kaze-chan
~*PockyShinobi*~
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i almost forgot...
ah, yes, visit Hentaigenin if you can. he's my stupid older brother and he's FINALLY come on, so...give Kazuya a semi-warm welcome, peoples...-pathetic claps-
Kaze-chan
~*PockyShinobi*~
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being sick sucks....REALLY BAD
last night i was just fine, but for some reason i was in a bad mood. i shrugged it off and took a trip to my messed up dream land, only to wake up freezing my butt off and me shaking all over. so i pulled out this gross-smelling cover and went back to sleep for about a half an hour. again i woke up, around 4 in the morning and i'm trying to get back to sleep when i realize, "Man, my head hurts..." i kept tossing and turning, which is all right for me; i'm an insomiac. but then i felt TOO weird and went to the bathroom to make sure i wasn't paler than usual (which is kinda scary, since i'm really pale anyway.) and noticed than indeed, i was... i sat down on the side of the tub, put my face in my hands.....yuck. this is why it sucks....my the 7th or 8th round left me puking up NOTHING...i know it's gross, but dry-heaving is the worst...i've been sleeping for about maybe three hours, since my body has no energy in it left...but i can't eat anything. i'm afraid that if i do, i'll relive my horrible morning...-tears- and i was supposed to work today. i promised the kids i babysit that we'd go crawfish hunting down at the creek by my house....but we can't because i had to be stupid and et sick in the middle of the night! -sleepy angry- rrrrgggmmn...
Kaze-chan
~*PockyShinobi*~
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Monday, August 15, 2005

a child's dispair
it all starts without warning, a loved one or trusted authority thrusts a sharp dagger slicing deep into the child's innocent heart shattering its safe world of love with betrayal. A reflex pulls the heart away as the first painful emotion brings a fear of death and insecurity. Stunned in disbelief the child's mind scrambles to make sense of the puncture the heart has just sustained. Confused and unable to comprehend the assault, the child accepts full responsibility. Year after year the pattern continues, as trust becomes a distant memory.

Deep within solitude and far from discovery the mirror of the buried heart reflects failure and loneliness. The mind caught off guard responds with a legion of proof the inner voice is a lie. As time passes and silent to all others, the heart's once small whisper increases to a scream the mind can not suppress. Plunging into a darkness of conviction and despair a knowing of the failure permeates the body. Shocked by the inner betrayal, a rage is created that will not relent. Over and over you seek for the one to blame, but none can be found. Through desperate fear the mind has the solution. You are the one to blame.

The now silent heart slowly dies unaware of its gradual fate as despair trickles into the cold voids where the dream once lived. Day after day the darkness kills thoughts before they transform into action bringing a paralysis to life. Moving deeper and deeper into hopelessness, the childhood dream no longer exists. Replaced with a cold hatred that the song of lies was ever heard. Death is the only escape and love is a lie.

isn't this interesting? found it on a furuba site....

Kaze-chan
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i hate mornings
one thing all you people should know about me is that i am not a morning person. i hate them with every essence of my soul. i just woke up depresseed as usual, and now i'm pissed off because i had to listen to two little kids bickering my younger brother kicking me, kids following me and whining at me and i'm not even fully awake yet.i stayed up REEEEEALY late drawing again, so i'm tired and i can't take much stress right now. altho i did do a quick sketch (and my first pic) of Kyou last night, and that took about 20 minutes...i like it, but it's not very good. i'll post it soon, i guess, and i'll let the people decide if it's crap or not. so until next time i complain at you, ( XP that's all i seem to do! and i'm so sorry peoples! i hope you look forward to the day i tell you good, positive things, tho i'm not sure how long you gotta wait...)
Kaze-chan
~*PockyShinobi*~
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Saturday, August 13, 2005

poetry....
i write alot of poetry....almost everyday, but most of it is crap, and i'm too embarrassed to post it. there are a few that aren't so bad....but i don't like posting that either. lately, my poetical side is coming through in almost everything i say, do, or think. the reason i post some of them is because i'm bored and have nothing else to do. if you happen to like them, awesome. i might get it published someday, so....cool. here's one i wrote last year...it's sad and crappy, so forgive my depression and suicidal thoughts. again, it's free-verse. i hate rhyming.

Alone Again

Alone yet again
lost in the tears of sorrow,
i cannot find my way
out of the hell you tossed me into

I am alone,
so very alone
why can't I be saved?
why must I suffer?

Once you showed me
the light of love
I could not forget it
when you showed me the darkness of hate,
I crumbled inside

in all darkness
I still see light
in all fear
I still see courage
in all hell,
I still see heaven.

I am all
and all alone
I am nothing,
but i am here
who are you...?

yeah....i hate it, but i'm bored...so i'll type up another one...it's basically a poetic suicide note...

Cry for Help

I'm lost
Nobody even cares
I can't see through
the endless, blinding tears

I want to end it all
Everyone says "it's just a phase"
deep inside,
I know it to be a lie

I can't wait to get away
as the crimson pain
flows from my side
I'm lying on the floor
because nobody came to save me

I never had any pride
as my life slips away
that's why I chose suicide
I feared life everyday

And so,
as i slip into darkness...
I wanted to say...

I'm sorry.
I hope you live life
without worrying
about the tormented kid
who always bothered you.
You can be happy now,
Because I'm gone
I won't drag,
I won't stumble,
I won't screw up your life
because I gave up on mine.
I hope you can forgive me
For not even saying goodbye
I tried to hold on
no matter how hard I tried,
nothing seemed good enough.
Drugs only subdued the pain
I thought alcohol would drown it out,
it only got worse and worse
I just wanted to scream

As I prepare
for the end,
I have to say one last thing,
my friend.

Please don't mess up
like I did
Don't hurt yourself
it's my own fault that now i'm gone
Please......

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Friday, August 12, 2005

um.....
thingy that chaos told me to try....i ended up as 'dis.

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Lost
this is a poem i wrote earlier this june....i got bored, so i'm sorry if you don't like it...

I can't see myself anymore
all my hopes are crushed
i try and reach my sanity
but all hope of that is lost.

i'm lost inside myself
all i see is black
there is no light to guide my way
love is what i lack

Although the world moves on,
my time is standing still
stuck in this moment
forever where these
icy tears stream down my face

it takes me an eternity
to realize that you,
my love
aren't reaching for
my outstretched hand...




i know it doesn't rhyme; thus the beauty of freeverse. i do that sorta crap all the time...hope you don't mind that i posted it here....

Kaze-chan
~*PockyShinobi*~

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