Sunday, November 12, 2006

   Sorry, everyone...

Ugh...

Yeah, I haven't been on for a while, and I feel terrible about it...I've been really busy lately, and HS is starting to get to me...I've been losing a lot of sleep lately, and the anti-depressants are starting to take effect...which means that dip is starting...I have good days and bad days, but...I've just been signing myself up for too much, and I'm about to break...I've been trying to help all my friends out with their emotional problems, and I want to help them, but I've been giving myself too much to do, and...I just can't do it all...

I had basketball tryouts yesterday and the day before, and I embarassed myself, like I knew I would...I'm really out of shape when it comes to running and all that...and on Friday, they told me I probably wouldn't make the team, but offered me a managing position, which is essentially a souped-up waterboy, but I get to practice with the team and learn more about the game, so I'll be ready for next season...but yesterday, I did the entire practice session with the team, and I didn't quit, which surprises me, but now my entire body is aching...

And I found out on Tuesday that I have to get another filling, which really sucks...and I do have to get glasses...apparently, I have a stigmatism, so...

I just really want to rest, but I everytime I do rest, it feels like I should be doing something else, and I just can't shake the feeling that I'm shirking some responsibility...

I'm afraid that I'm going to have to cut down on my time here...with basketball practices and midterms coming up, and the possibility of getting a job, I'm going to have my hands full...I'm shooting for getting on every Sunday or so...some weeks it may be more often, some weeks I may not visit at all...I just really need some time to rest...truly rest...get away from all this stress, all this pain I'm feeling, and all this confusion in my head...Am I selfish for wanting that?

Forgive me, no comments or questions today, I'm so very tired...
I will try to get to everyone's site, though

Take care, everyone
Ja
Comments (5) | Permalink

Sunday, November 5, 2006

   [Insert Song Title Here]

Ahahah, I'm too lazy to go find a song again...I just went to get the lyrics for "Welcome to the Black Parade", the new My Chemical Romance song (which I'm in love with), and I stupidly exited out of the window with the lyrics before copying and pasting...and I don't wanna go get them again XP

Well, I'm BAAAAAAAAAAACK!! Haha, did anyone miss me?

Computer's still not fixed, I have to run a complete system restore on it, but I can't back up my files for some reason, so I'm going to get a Flash drive so I can...Until that time, I'll be using my old computer again! Everyone say hi to the downstairs computer!! *everyone waves* Oh, well, at least this computer's faster and I have my HIM music on here...Currine lost the CD, and Window's Media Player won't let me burn CDs like I thought it would *sobsob*

So....

My first semester of HS ended on Friday...and so, of course, all the freshman teachers want to get in one final grade, so what do they do?? They give us all tests, of course! And since almost every single freshman was up late studying for mutliple tests (or in my case, I was studying, and then, since it was my mom's birthday, I took her out to dinner...and I had an appointment with the psychaiatrist) we all looked dead on Friday, because we were all tired and irritable...so we all just kinda dragged ourselves around from class to class...and apparently, several students fell asleep during health class...Now, since Mrs. Spilecki is one of the best teachers I've ever had, instead of getting mad at the students, she asks how many people had tests...of course, every single freshman raised their hand throughout all of her classes...so she decides to go yell at our teachers!! WOO-HOO! YES, defend the helpless little freshman XD

I got a C on one of them (I already have a B in that class, so that's not good...>.>') and if my math teacher does double-point scores, I have an A on that...otherwise, it's a B...and I think I failed my chemistry test because she didn't let us use the periodic talbes in our agenda books, the same ones we've been using the entire time to learn the material....*sigh* There goes my A in that class v.v'

Well, I do have good news - the first step has finally been taken. They are finally fixing me...No, not like that XD I finally have some happy pills to fix my little head...so far, I'm not experiencing that initial drop that onii-sama and Lytjuh-sama told me about, but I know it will probably come soon...I've only been taking them for a couple of days, so I can't expect them to start working yet...
But it's the first step to fixing this accursed depression...the first step to a happier me, something that I haven't seen in a couple of years ^-^ And I know it's a welcome change for my friends, because I know no one likes to be around me when I'm depressed, since I just kinda...sit there....XD Yeah, I tend to just stare off into space or try to go to sleep when I'm depressed during school hours....yeah, I usually don't pay any attention on those days...>.>'

I didn't go trick-or-treating after all, but I did go to school as an insane person...XD I wore my T-shirt that says "I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it" and my friends drew random things on my face all throughout the day, and I decided to wear vampire fangs, just becasue I could XD I was originally going to be a punk, and my friends were going to give me a mohawk in the morning...but after they dumped a ton of gel on my hair, I was informed that they had no idea how to make a mohawk (shoulda seen that coming, my hair is really long, too long for a mohawk)...as I was standing there, head upside down, hair hanging in front of my face, gel dripping down my neck, these were the different expressions that crossed my face: O.O O_O O-O -.- -_- T 3T T-T
So we decided I'd just be insane...and we just messed up my hair horribly...stuck it out in random directions...and they decided to write INSANE on my forehead in bright blue marker....XDD Yeah, I was quite a sight XD

Well, today I called almost every grocery store and little shop in my town, looking for a job, but almost all of them required you to be 16 or 18...I finally found that you can be 14 to work at Dunkin' Donuts, which is right across the street from me, and I can be 14 to sweep the floors, clean the bathrooms, etc at Goodwill, which is a stop on my bus....I decided to go for Goodwill, but I'm going to pick up an application for both. Dunkin' Donuts would be an easier job, but...probably more boring, too, and all the people that work there are Indian, so I worry that I won't be able to understand them...yeah, I'm really bad at understanding accents ^.^'
Besides, my bus driver is cool, so he'd drop me off at Goodwill on the days I asked him to, and the guy I was talking to at Goodwill helped me get a general idea about my hours, so...besides, it's a cool store, and it's right next door to the new bowling alley, so....*grin*

COMMENTS

Well, I got a TON of comments on both of my previous posts, which I'm happy about, but I'll only reply to the ones on my long post ^-^ Thank you all for your concern and patience, though ^-^ *hugs everyone*

Onii-sama - Aww, you have all the cool music...lucky...T 3T Yeah, you'll love Trinity Blood, and I think Lytjuh-sama will, too...

Onee-sama - Haha, don't you worry about it, I know you're not the only one ^-^ Oh, you'd like the Breakfast Club, it was great ^-^

Chyrea-chan - Careful now, if you're too obvious during class, you'll get in trouble XD For the last time, I'm not responsible *grin* Yeah, I have off for Election Day, too, but I don't think I'll be on because I have a dentist appointment and an appointment with the optometrist, to find out if I need glasses or not...(>.>') But I might be, who knows...?

CloserCloser-san - Yeah, it's an awesome song! ^-^

J-chan - Aww, I'm sorry, I know I couldn't survive during a lunch period if Alexa wasn't there...Lucky you, getting to get out of school and whatnot...*sniffle* I don't T-T

Dudette-san - Yeah, I missed part of the encore, too, since I was trying to fix my computer...*cries* And I agree with you, I think that the entire Trinity Blood episode was a big Peter Pan reference XD

QUESTIONS

1 - Are you still on a sugar high from Halloween?

2 - Do you still collect stuffed animals? (Beanie Babies count!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1 - Yes, haha, I got a ton of candy from friends, and I went out and bought some XD

2 - Yep, and I love em all *cuddles*

Take care, everyone!
Ja!
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Friday, October 27, 2006

   No, time, no time...

Shhh...I'm posting at school...my computer crashed, I think it's a virus T-T I just wanted to let everyone know so I don't get chewed out when I come back ^.^'

Take care, everyone, I hope to get this fixed soon!!!
Ja!
Comments (8) | Permalink

Sunday, October 22, 2006

   Voices

So, are you breathing?
So, are you breathing?
Now Now
Are you breathing?
So, are you breathing?
Now!

Wake up, are you alive
Will you listen to me
I'm gonna talk about some freaky shit now
Someone is gonna die when you listen to me
Let the living die, let the living die, say

[Chorus]
Say, are you breathing now
Do the wicked see you
You still breathing
You're making me known
Are you breathing now, do the wicked see you
You still breathing

So what's up
I wonder why do you listen to me
I'm gonna make you do some freaky shit now
Insane, you're gonna die when you listen to me
Let the living die, let the living die, say

So!

Save me god!

I can hear the voice, but I don't wanna listen
Strap me down and tell me I'll be alright
I can feel the subliminal need to be one with the voice
And make everything go

I can hear the voice, but I don't wanna listen
Strap me down and tell me I'll be alright
I can feel the subliminal need to be one with the voice
And make everything all right!

Chorus

So, are you breathing
So, do you breathe now, now
So, are you breathing
So, do you breathe now

"Voices"
-Disturbed

I think some of you may recognize this song from the second AMV on here ^-^ I fell in love with the song as soon as I heard it, but I'm yet to buy it...I had to get the lyrics, though X3

So, things went pretty well last night...but poor Chloe was really tired after her volleyball game, so she was drowsy the whole time, and she kept falling asleep XD After we finished watching Hellsing, the Corpse Bride was on, but we'd already missed half of it, so we watched the last half...then, we decided to watch "The Breakfast Club" instead of Naruto, since there would be an encore episode a couple of weeks from now, so ^-^ I'd never seen that movie, but I've heard a lot about it, so I wanted to see it...haha, it was good, but they editied it so much, and they did SUCH a horrible job of it XD The voiceovers didn't sound A THING like the original actors XD Ahh, I just couldn't help laughing at how ridiculous it looked...it looked like those old dubbed Asian martial arts movies, the words didn't match the mouth movements at all XD
Well, anyway, after that, there was a show on called "The World's Biggest Candy Show", so of course we had to watch that XD After that, Chloe fell asleep again, and when she woke up, she felt sick, so I got her some 7Up...poor thing, I still don't know what was wrong, but she felt better after the 7Up...Hehe *is proud that she thought of the 7Up* Then I watched Trinity Blood, which was so sweet and sad...and Bleach was pretty good, and I even managed to stay up through Eureka 7, which I haven't done in a month or two, but I could tell I'd missed a lot...Crispin Freeman delivered, as always, and I found myself blushing whenever Holland talked X33 Haha, gimme a break, everyone, I'd just watched my entire Hellsing collection, including the crappy bootleg I have of part of the OVA! yeah, I'm not too impressed with it, the subtitles SUCK...they call Alucard-sama CARTER!! XD And Anderson of the Vatican is...Anjero of the Vandigum....XD And I just don't like the Japanese VAs for Hellsing...that's the only anime that I like the English better than the Japanese

Ah, well, today we finished up the health project and ate sugar cookies XD Uwahaha, yeah, now THAT was fun XD And then we watched the "Knife Blood Nightmare" video from Aiden, and we were giggling at how funny the lead singer looked, with pink eyeshadow all down his face and a pink microphone, and in one part, he looked like he was trying to play airplane...XD

Well, anyway, I have a half-day Thursday, and the rest of the week I have full school days...T 3T This is one of the longer weeks...hahah, yeah, I'm so spoiled by my school XD

Haha, right now Alexa and I are trying to figure out what to be for Halloween...and yes, we're still going trick-or-treating at 14...>.>'
She's going to be a mime..
And I was going to be a mental patient...but then she suggested Integra...and now I'm considering that...yes, I'm considering being a bitch...because Alucard-sama loves her....*sobs hysterically* and then she suggested Seras...so I'm thinking about that....and...I thought...why not be Alucard-sama himself? XD Although, his costume will be a lot more effort and a lot more expensive, so...
IT'S SO HARD TO CHOOSE!!

Haha

Well, it's time for

COMMENTS!!

Chyrea-chan - Sorry, sorry, I'm trying to post, but I'm getting distracted now...haha, yeah, and you're a good friend, too ^-^ Don't you forget that! ^-^ And I'm not smart, we just wanted to do something different, so I figured, why not do a blueprint? It was actually a pretty random idea ^.^' That incident in your class sounds like something we did to my stupid science teacher in 7th grade XD

Magnus-sama - Yes, I think I converted her into a Hellsing fangirl *grin* And I think it'll be kinda hard to convert the straight guys and the preps into Hellsing fangirls...BUT IT'S WORTH A SHOT!! XD Haha, wow, no sugar highs? Poor you, those are the best (and safest!) highs EVER!! XD Haha

JD-sama - Aww, you sure you don't wanna see guys making out? XD Yeah, the song's awesome, haha, I'm listening to it now XD What's Pucca? *blink*

QUESTIONS!!!

1 - Should I be Integra or Seras?

2 - Would you cut your hair off for a costume?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1 - ....I don't KNOOOOW T 3T

2 - NO!! I'll put it up in a ponytail and wrap it around to hide it, but I worked HARD to gorw my hair this long!!

Take care, everyone!
Ja!
Comments (5) | Permalink

Saturday, October 21, 2006

   THE EMO SONG

Dear Diary,
Mood- apathetic

My life is spiraling downwards
I couldn't get enough money to go to the blood red romance
and suffocate me dry concert
that sucks 'cause they play some of my favorite songs
like stab my heart because I love you,
and rip apart my soul,
and of course stabbity rip stab, stab.
And it doesnt help that I couldn't get my hair to do that flippy thing either
like that guy from that band can do.
Somedays...

I'm an emo kid
non-conforming as can be
you'd be non-conforming to if you looked just like me
I have paint on my nails and make up on my face
I'm almost emo enough to start shaving my legs
'cause I feel real deep when I'm dressing in drag
I call it freedom of expression
most just call me a fag
'cause our dudes look like chicks
and our chicks look like dykes
'cause emo is one step below transvestite

Stop my breathing and slit my throat,
I must be emo
I don't jump around when I go to shows,
I must be emo
I'm dark and sensitive with low self-esteem
the way I dress makes everyday feel like Halloween
I have no real problems but I like to make believe
I stole my sisters mascara and now I'm grounded for a week
Sulking, and writing poetry are my hobbies
I can't get through a Hawthorne Heights album without sobbing
Girls keep breaking up with me
it's never any fun
they say they already have a pussy-
they don't need another one

Stop my breathing and slit my throat,
I must be emo
I don't jump around when I go to shows,
I must be emo
Dye in my hair and polish on my toes,
I must be emo
I play guitar and write suicide notes
I must be emo

My life is just a black abyss; you know it's so dark
and it's suffocating me
grabbing hold of me and tightening its grip
tighter than a pair of my little sisters jeans
which look great on me by the way

When I get depressed I cut my wrist in every direction
hearing songs about getting dumped give me and erection
I write in my live journal and wear thick rimmed glasses
I told my friends I bleed black and cry during classes
I'm just a bad, cheap imitation of goth
you can be Catcher in the Rye and watch me jack off
I wear skin tight clothes while hating my life
if I said I liked girls
I'd only be half right

I look like I'm dead and dress like a homo,
I must be emo
Screw X-Box I play old school nintendo,
I must be emo
I like to whine and hit my parentals
I must be emo,
Me and my friends all look like clones
I must be emo

My parents just don't get me you know
they think I'm gay just because they saw me kiss a guy
well, a couple guys
but I mean, its the 2000s.
Can't 2, or 4 dudes make out with each other without being gay?
I mean chicks dig that kind of thing anyways
I don't know diary
Somtimes I think you're the only one that gets me
You're my best friend...
I feel like tacos.

"Emo Kid"
-AdamAndrew

This...song...I'm sure that several of you have already heard of it, it's HUGE where I am now, everyone's making references to it XD I love it, I have it on my iPod...I just need to get the video now...XD Hehe, any yaoi fans would love the video ^.~ It's got a few pictures of pretty emo guys kissing ^///^ *high-fives yaoi fans* XD

Well, I am very happy today, because my...er...well, I'm going to respect her wishes by not calling her "imooto-chan" anymore, but she is still a very good friend...we got into another little squabble, and I'm really not going into details because it's super-iffy, but we worked things out on IM last night...or...I think we did...that was the impression I left with...o-O

And on another note, my new buddy Chloe is coming over today, and she's spending the night...and we're going to watch anime and eat ramen ALL DAY!! O_O WOO-HOO!! I'm going to introduce her into the beautiful world of HELLSING *grin* We may just have another Hellsing freak, if I play my cards (and the DVD) right XD Hehe, she sees Alucard-sama all over my locker every day, so...hehe...it's about time I made him another fangirl!! XD

Well, we do have to finish up a project for Health while she's here, but it's going to be fun and easy...hehe, we decided to do a blueprint instead of a poster, and it looks SO COOL...and we put transparencies (you know, those clear sheets of paper that your teacher puts notes on and shines on a blank wall or something?) over it, with the descriptions on top, and drawings for each individual room underneath!! Hehe, I'm pretty proud of it...the blueprint was my idea, and the transparencies were Stephanie's idea, and Chloe's handwriting is the best, so she's doing the writing, and I'm drawing (Ehe, HURRAY FOR STICK FIGURES!! XD) And we're doing a music theme, so it's...yeah, I'm boring everyone with the details as it is, so I'll drop this right now, before I lose a few more readers....XD

Sorry I've been gone for so long, the times that I have been on, I've been talking to friends or doing HW...and when I wasn't, I was really depressed, and I didn't want to make another depressing post, so...

But I AM still here, and I SHOULD be on more often from now on...

We had a couple of tests yesterday, one in Math and one in ISS (Social Sciences...I didn't know that it stood for "Inter-School Suspension" before, until my mom started laughing when I mentioned ISS...>.>') I studied for the ISS one for 3 hours or so...but then again, I studied for about that long for the last one, and I failed it...but then, he told us to study something that wasn't on the test, so I wasted an hour on that...stupid teacher...-_- And on math, I'm almost positive I got an A, but one open-ended question threw me for a loop...*shrug* Ah, well, I'm almost positive I did well...

Ahhh, I watched Avatar last night (Yes, I still like that show, let me be, I'm a N-E-R-D!) and...and...ZUKOOOO...He...went on a date....*cries* NOOO, I like him!! NOOO!! STUPID RANDOM GIRL!!! ...*sniffle* But then he walked away, because he said things were "complicated"...but that was AFTER he KISSED her......T-T *sobsob* And he told his uncle he enjoyed the date...WAAAHHH.....*glomps Alucard-sama* He's better anyway...*Integra walks in, Alucard walks over to her* ......O_O.......

I'M SO ALOOOOOOONE!!!!

Well, all right, I think you all know I had sugar this morning....>.>'

I'll stop myself before I get out of control ^.^'

~C-O-M-M-E-N-T-S~

Magnus-sama - Hi there! *chains self to your ankle* ^-^ Eheh, she's datanimechic...you should visit her, she's a great person ^-^ And she has tons of awesome avatars on her site!! O.O *was fascinated by them for 20 mins last night* Houses on fire, eh? Hahah...gotta love your expressions, Magnus-sama! XD Yes...yes I did enjoy my day off...I did...ABSOLULTELY NOTHING!! XD And it was MAGNIFICENT!! XD Make sure you get a break, too! ^-^

EvilGuys-sama - UWAAH!! *glomp* You're back!! Haha, and don't feel bad about not being here, I was so happy to see that you were still alive, and having a great time away from here!! ^-^ And there is really no reason to be sorry, so I have nothing to forgive you for!! ^-^ Hehe, and you didn't make me feel worse...Hehe...a boyfriend, ne? *grin* Lucky dog...everyone's getting them these days...*jealous* T 3T

Onee-sama - Really, she PM'd you? Huh...well, she did say that she had your IM...hehe, yeah, I was talking to her last night when I was talking to you ^-^ Did you get your rest, by the way? Yes, I know you're here for me, thank you so much *huggle*

JD-sama - Hehe, yeah, it's nice to be talking to you through PMs again ^-^ And you're a great friend, too, don't forget that! ^-^

~Q-U-E-S-T-I-O-N-S~

1 - I am listening to AFI right now, because Chloe burned a lot of their songs for me. Do you like AFI? Have you ever even heard of them? o-O

2 - If you found a penny tails-up on the ground, would you pick it up? (There's a little superstitious thing that says if you pick up a penny when it's heads-up, you get good luck for the rest of the day, and if you pick up one that's tails-down, you get bad luck for the rest of the day)...Essentially, I could save all the trouble by asking "Are you superstitious?" ....Nah, too simple XD

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1 - Er...hehe, I guess that's self-explanatary ^.^'

2 - I am, to a certain extent...I don't believe in the whole black cat thing, or the thing about salt being knocked over, because most of my cats have been black, and I am very clumsy, so I knock over salt all the time XD But usually, when I see a penny heads-up, I'll pick it up...if it's face-down, then I'll just flip it over and leave it there...the superstition thing says that if you turn it over, you're taking bad luck, too, but if it means someone else gets good luck, it's worth it! ^-^

Take care, everyone!
Ja!
Comments (3) | Permalink

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

   Your Guardian Angel

When I see your smile
tears roll down my face
I can't replace.

And now that I'm strong I have figured out
how this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul,
and I know I'll find deep inside me, I can be the one.

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all,
even if saving you sends me to heaven.

It's ok [x3]

Seasons are changing and waves are crashing
and stars are falling all for us
days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one.

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever.
I'll be there for you through it all,
even if saving you sends me to heaven.

Cause you're my
you're my, my
my true love
my whole heart
please don't throw that away.

Cause I'm here, for you
please don't walk away and
please tell me you'll stay, stay..

Use me as you will
pull my strings just for a thrill
and I know I'll be okay
though my skies are turning gray.

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
even if saving you sends me to heaven.
(repeat)

"Your Guardian Angel"
-The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

This is dedicated to my Imooto-chan...I think everyone knows that the whole thing about the "one true love" and all that isn't speaking romantically...Yes, I think we're all mature enough for that...>.>' XD Yeah, this song is really sweet, I love it, and it is the softest of all their songs, I believe...I've only heard their most recent album, so I can't be entirely sure...Again, a great band, I think many of you know "Face Down" by these guys...

Well, I'm feeling much better today ^-^

I worked things out with my Imooto-chan...I'm not going to go into a lot of details, because I'm not sure what she wants shared, so...
But I'll just say that there was a misunderstanding between us, and on top of that, she was going through a tough time...so I don't want anyone PMing her saying anything...if anyone was, that is...^.^'

Well...I have tomorrow off, even if I don't post, I will probably visit everyone

Yep, tomorrow, I don't have to do anything at all! Since I've been spending most of my days off recently doing nothing but HW and chores, my mom said that she wouldn't ask me to do any chores tomorrow, and all my HW can be finished tonight, so I don't have to do anything!! X3

Yep, right now I'm making stick figures in PowerPoint for a Latin project XD Haha...I am so entertained by all the little pictures you can make...*clicky-click* O.O...Woooow.....X3

Thank you to onee-chan, JD-sama, and KingN-san for being there for me yesterday, when I was a complete mess...>.>' Your support means the world to me, thank you so much for showing me you care *glomps*

Well, look forward to seeing me plaguing all your sites tomorrow *grin*

Take care, everyone!
Ja!
Comments (4) | Permalink

Monday, October 16, 2006

I'm sorry, everyone........

I...I know I promised I wouldn't do this again.....But now it really, really hurts....

Lytjuh-sama...no, onee-sama...I know how you felt now when your Ran-chan left...

My...NO, I will always call her "Imooto-chan" no matter what...even if she doesn't view herself that way...
She...doesn't want to talk to me anyymore...and my god...I just feel like someone stabbed me through the heart and pulled the knife out, only to do it a hundred more times...

Did I err in the way I treated her? Did I ignore her, did I make her feel like I didn't care...I just don't know what I did wrong, but it hurts so bad....these tears are streaming down my face, and I just can't make them stop....

I...I'm sorry to ask this of you, everyone, but I really need some support right now...

I'm really sorry, Imooto-chan, and no matter how much you may despise me now or want to distance yourself from me, I promise to always be here if you ever want to talk or vent or you ever want some advice...

Take care, everyone...

Ja
Comments (3) | Permalink

Sunday, October 15, 2006

   The Fallen

Some say you're trouble, boy
Just because you like to destroy
All the things that bring the idiots joy
Well, what's wrong with a little destruction?

And the Kunst won't talk to you
Because you kissed St Rollox Adieu
Because you robbed a supermarket or two
Well, who gives a damn about the prophets of Tesco?

Did I see you in a limousine
Flinging out the fish and the unleavened
Turn the rich into wine
Walk on the mean
For the fallen are the virtuous among us
Never judge us
Yeah we're all...

Up now and get 'em, boy
Up now and get 'em, boy
Drink to the devil and death at the doctors

Did I see you in a limousine
Flinging out the fish and the unleavened
Five thousand users fed today
As you feed us
Won't you lead us
To be blessed

So we stole and drank Champagne
On the seventh seal you said you never feel pain
"I never feel pain, won't you hit me again?"
"I need a bit of black and blue to be a rotation"

In my blood I feel the bubbles burst
There was a flash of fist, an eyebrow burst
You've a lazy laugh and a red white shirt
I fell to the floor fainting at the sight of blood

Did I see you in a limousine
Flinging out the fish and the unleavened
Turn the rich into wine
Walk on the mean
Be they Magdalene or virgin you've already been
You've already been and we've already seen
That the fallen are the virtuous among us
Walk among us
Never judge us to be blessed

So I'm sorry if I ever resisted
I never had a doubt you ever existed
I only have a problem when people insist on
Taking their hate and placing it on your name

Some say you're trouble, boy
Just because you like to destroy
You are the word, the word is 'destroy'
I break this bottle and think of you fondly

Did I see you in a limousine
Flinging out the fish and the unleavened
To the whore in a hostel
Or the scum of a scheme
Turn the rich into wine
Walk on the mean
It's not a jag in the arm
It's a nail in the beam
On this barren Earth
You scatter your seed
Be they Magdalene or virgin
You've already been
Yeah, you've already been
We've already seen
That the fallen are the virtuous among us
Walk among us
If you judge us
We're all damned
"The Fallen"
-Franz Ferdinand

Now...Franz Ferdinand...I'm sure SKF-sama will agree with me when I say FRANZ FERDINAND IS ONE OF THE ABSOLUTE BEST BANDS ON THIS EARTH!!! I am IN LOVE with their songs, especially this one X3 Some of you may also know "Do You Want To?" by them...God knows it's all over commercials nowadays...-.-'

Talking to Lytjuh-sama on IM now, HURRAY X333

I was so upset, there was no NARUTO last night! T 3T That meant no ramen, because I always eat ramen while watching Naruto, and that's my dinner for the night...so I had to whip something else up, because it just didn't feel right eating ramen when it wasn't watching Naruto...T 3T So I had Spaghetti-O's...-_-'

Trinity Blood was great, but I had two problems with it - A, there was no Nightrode!! T-T and B - They changed the ending theme!! I loved the old ending theme, it was so cool!! The images are the same, but the song is different...T-T

Well, anyway...

What is it with this weekend, I'm finally remembering my dreams...this time, it was about a friend on myO...it was a pretty pointless dream, we were just PMing back and forth..^.^'

Uuugggh....Tomorrow is MONDAY...EVIILL MONDAAY...

Well, I have off Wednesday, because the sophomores and juniors have PSATs, so I may post then...^-^

Alright...not much else to say...
Wow...my posts are becoming more and more meaningless, aren't they? >.>'

That means it's
COMMENTS TIME

Magnus-sama - Ahaha, no, no, I'm not leaving, I was referring to my question on my other post ^-^ No worries, I'm going to be here for QUITE a while *grin* Ahaha, yeah, I used to be like that, I couldn't stand getting up late at all...I'd have a fit, actually XD Ahhaa, yeah, although last night, the dream wasn't about Hellsing...*grin*

J-chan - Ah, you're slipping, my friend! From first comment to second comment, to 5th comment now!! *shakes head* You're losing your touch, friend! XD Yeah, I can't go on ANY of them...T-T

Reno-sama - Well, hi there, hasn't it been a while? Uwaha, well, either way, welcome back! ^-^

KingN-san - ..Haha, at first I thought you meant you'd never heard of birds XD Yep, Boys Night Out...I need to get some of their songs soon...hmm...Weird dream? YAY! X3

JuzCuz-san - HI! Welcome back, I've been worried about you! ^-^

Imooto-chan - Ahaha, yeah, there's not much to reply to...^.^'

QUESTIONS

1 - Brown or white sugar? (I have no idea...)

2 - If you weren't you, and someone else was you, and the person that was you was killed, what would you (who was no longer you) do?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1 - White

2 - Yes

Take care, everyone!
Ja!
Comments (2) | Permalink

Saturday, October 14, 2006

   Medicating

When you wake up to white walls, and endless halls,
there's an emptiness that echoes through it all.
So sit back in your bed, with your mind medicated,
and your senses stuck on the sick scent of the dead.

You can call for the doctor, it's all you've got anymore.
He's the ticket to the life you had before...

If I could just make them see that I don't need this.

Doctor, doctor what am I here for?
Can't you see that I don't need this place?
I don't need these walls,
I'm no threat at all.
Doctor, doctor what am I here for?
Can't you see that I don't need this place?
I don't need these walls,
I'm no threat at all.

Is there a way we could maybe, through therapy,
find a way to rate and release me.
I just need to be outside, even if supervised,
back to my job, back to my life.
Yes I know what I've done and I regret it every day,
if I could make things right, you know i'd find a way.
But when I wake up to these white walls,
and the endless halls of the hospital,
I get lost in the emptiness that echoes though it all...

Doctor, doctor what am I here for?
Can't you see that I don't need this place?
I don't need these walls,
I'm no threat at all.
Doctor, doctor what am I here for?
Can't you see that I don't need this place?
I don't need these walls,
I'm no threat at all.

Doctor I cant thank you enough... (doctor I can't thank you enough)
Doctor you wont regret this...(doctor you won't regret this)
Doctor I cant thank you enough... (doctor I can't thank you enough)
Doctor you wont regret this...(doctor you won't regret this)

Doctor, doctor what am I here for?
Can't you see that I don't need this place?
I don't need these walls,
I'm no threat at all.
Doctor, doctor what am I here for?
Can't you see that I don't need this place?
I don't need these walls,
I'm no threat at all.

"Medicating"
-Boys Night Out

Haha, I figured this song was appropriate, what with the whole needing of Happy Pills and whatnot XD Yeah, this is pretty much the only band from Canada that I like, so...also check out "Waking" from them, a great song, great song...^-^

Well, before anyone asks (although I don't think many of you figured it out, I didn't at first, either) I am not embracing the idea of Alucard-sama and Integra...but I decided to do an Alucard-sama and Integra theme...because I found some pretty pictures...Yes, the BG is gorgeous, and Alucard-sama looks so hot and pretty....*ignores numerous stares from the people around her* What...? There's nothing wrong with being pretty, is there, JD-sama? XD And the avvie is just too cute, you've gotta see the full-size to really appreciate it, but he looks so cute and peaceful and...uwwaahhh....X3

Well, I woke up at about 9 AM today...O_O I'm telling you, stupid early-morning school schedule has my sleeping pattern all messed up...T-T

I was sleeping in the spare room, because I like to do that sometimes, because I can listen to a different radio station in that room (I'm too lazy to change the radio station on the radio in my room XD) and because the window's right next to the bed, so I can look out of it in the morning...and there were a ton of birds in my tree this morning X3 3 Blue Jays, a few crows, and then a ton of little birds that I don't know what they were....but they were cute X3

So, anyway...

I had another dream last night...but...all of it...was with Alucard-sama...and Integra...together...in a romantic way...I was kind just like the police girl...T 3T I was just there...wanting him...but nope...couldn't have him...T-T DAMN YOU, INTEGRA!!! ....T-T

And then I had a nightmare where my KT-chan committed suicide...let me tell you, that was THE WORST DREAM I've ever had, EVER!! *glomps KT-chan*

Well, on a more positive note, it's anime night tonight!! HURRAY!! X3 Trinity Blood, Naruto, Bleach, Pokemon...X3 Also with Robot Chicken and Futurama XD

Which means I'm also sleeping in the basement, even better!! Hip-hip....
HOORAY!


Yep, yep, I had sugar this morning...^.^'

All right, nothing else to say, really...^.^

So I guess that means it's time, once again, for...

COMMENTS

JUST A NOTE: When I said "leaving" I meant leaving theO....

SKF-sama - Yes, that Atreyu song is the BEST X3 Well, no, she still has them, but most of the symptoms are gone because of the medication and therapy, so...>.>' It's only 5 FULL weeks left, we have mostly weeks with half-days...Yeah...you bring up a good point, hammers shouldn't be allowed in school...o-O Thank you so much, I'm glad you like the BG, it's actually Hellsing...I know, I didn't get it at first, either XD

KT-chan - Yay, you're online with me right now X3 I'm really sorry about the boys thing...but you know you'll never be able to completely give up on boys, we both know that *grin*

JD-sama - Thanks for that, it means a lot ^-^ O_O' *somewhat bothered by thoughts of what else the Hitachi Magic Wand is used for*

Imooto-chan - I am stopping, see? It said so right there on the post ^-^ I can't stand not talking to you, so even more motivation for me to stop ^-^

J-chan - YAY FOR LONG COMMENTS!! X3 Nah, I don't think I'm going to Frightland with them, the invitation has not been extended to me directly...Alexa told me I was invited to go trick-or-treating with them...but she also told me that they want to take her to Frightland, and they're going to make her go on everything, even the barn and the attic, which I...REFUSE...to do...I don't think I could even handle the hayride...*shudder*

KingN-san - First off, welcome to my site ^-^ And yeah, I hate it when you forget dreams...T-T

QUESTIONS

1 - Shoveling snow or raking leaves?

2 - Blue or Red =? (Just colors, no subliminal messages...XD)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1 - Shoveling snow, because it's usually not that muddy...and you can always make snowballs X3 And that usually means you're out of school if you're shoveling snow ^-^

2 - Umm...I'd have to go with red, since it's more Hellsing and Alucard-sama and vampire-ish...X3

Take care, everyone! *hug*
Ja!
Comments (6) | Permalink

Friday, October 13, 2006

   The Crimson

i feel it well up inside
and robert smith lied, boys do cry
and with blood tears in my eyes
i'm an anne rice novel come to life
i cant hide the monster anymore
one can only feel desolate for so long
until one starts to change into something
the mirror doesnt recognize
i metamorphosize
the darkness has been biding its time
to claim its latest victim
fresh meat for carnal desires
to become wut i became
i viewed the sun for the last time

will u still hold me
when you see what i have done?
will u still kiss me the same
when you taste my victims blood?
so crimson and red
i feel it flowing fromm your lips
crimson and red
My heart is dead and so are you

and it pulses through, the desire to change
to deconstruct all of my past failings
but where to begin
because when you live is sin
its hard to look at the saints
without them reflecting their jet black auras back on you
and all i have is hope
my inner burn's not fading
ill wipe the blood from my cheek and get on with my day

(chorus)

and all i have is hope
and all i need is time
to bury in pine under six feet of time
the lies i told me about myslef
claw my way out, pick the splinters from under my fingernails
i wont loose hope, i wont give in

just live and breathe, try not to die again(x3)

(Chorus)x2

my heart is dead, and so are you!!

"The Crimson"
-Atreyu

........O_O.....I...am really going to shoot, stab, eat, THEN KILL the person who did these lyrics...there are so many typos...ugh...my eyes...my brain...I can feel my IQ going down...and there go some of my brain cells...-.-'

Anyway, more to the point, this is a GREAT song, the chorus sounds so cool when they sing it, it's all soft and crooning, and then you hear screaming in the background...uwaah, I love it X3 I'm going to have to buy it off iTunes soon, since Victory Records finally stopped being stingy and put all their artists on iTunes...that means Taking Back Sunday, Silverstein, Aiden, Atreyu, Action Action, the Audition, June, Bayside...the list goes on, and it includes Hawthorne Heights, but I don't really like them, so...Ahaha, they really don't apply to my list *grin*

Well, how is everyone?

I think a few of you may be happy to know that this week was a good one, for the most part...I didn't scratch at all, except for on Monday, and I only did it once, and not deep at all...it was because I got back two tests that day, one of which I failed, and the other I just came out on the wrong side of a B, so...

But I'm stopping the scratching thing before it becomes a habit, so any of you that were worrying don't have to anymore ^-^ I've been handling things much better, and I went to my therapist on Tuesday...she says I really should go on the anti-depressants, since I have a family history of having clinical depression, and mood disorders like clinical depression and bipolar are hereditary, and my mom had both, and I'm showing signs of both, so...
And they're trying to set up more frequent appointments with the therapist, so with any luck, the clinical depression will subside...it never goes away completely, but it gets shoved into a dark little room by the therapy and the medication locks the door ^-^ (Haha, like my description? XD) So I am going to be getting some happy pills of my own soon, Lytjuh-sama XD

Well, onto the week's events...

Nothing extremely thrilling happened this week, but...well, I had a half-day yesterday, and off today, so I have a 3 1/2-day weekend...I have a lot of them this year...in fact, apparently, every year a few students review the calendar and figure out how many full weeks we have left in the year XD We only have 5 left, hahah....one of them is the week of Halloween, but that's probably going to be a bit less serious because of the holiday...

Well, we had a lockdown drill this week, which was pretty...interesting XD They had a "code" they said over the loudspeaker, which apparently changes every time, and it was something to the effect of "Teachers, please bring your RED folders to the OFFICE" haha...
I had it during Social Sciences, and my teacher, being crazy as he is, stood by the door (the doors are indented into the classroom, so there's a little "lip" area around the door where you can stand and not be seen), and he had a hammer in his hand, and he was like "The intruder better hope they have a helmet" XD
But honestly, if you think about it, wouldn't the intruder find it a bit suspicious that after that "seemingly normal announcement (Yes, because NO ONE would get THAT)", all the classrooms went dark, all the doors and windows closed, and all the students couldn't be seen anymore? Hahah, I know I would, if I were an "intruder"

Haha, it was fun, though, and we missed about 10 minutes of class, so...Win-Win situation, eh? Hahah

Oh, and I got to talk to onii-chan on IM the other night!! Let me tell you, that cheered me up quite a bit ^-^ Haha, even though I should have been doing HW...it was math, which the teacher never checks anyway, so...

And then I felt bad about not being able to talk to my Imooto-chan the day before, because I had to do research and an entire stupid paper for Chem...Let me apologize publicly for that...but I did respond to all her PMs, so I feel a little bit better about that...

Going a bit off-topic here, but...
I had a dream last night, but I only remember bits and pieces of it...But I know it was really good, so I wish I could remember all of it...I remember Alucard-sama...and...a few songs I like...and...my cell phone rang, and I didn't get to it in time, but on the missed calls, it just said "Patrick Stump" O_O What gives...Pete's my guy, not Patrick!! (In case you weren't following this, Pete Wentz and Patrick Stump are members of the band Fall Out Boy, one of my all-time favorite bands - I'm in love with Pete, and Patrick is his best friend, and my best friend used to be in love with Patrick, but she has dreams about Pete...*pout* not fair...)

So....

How does everyone like my avatar - I made it myself! Ahh, I'm so much better at making BGs...That looks really simple...I want to figure out how to make the ones that MOVE O_O That would be so awesome...

Well, anyway, it's time for...

COMMENTS

Magnus-sama - Uwaaah, I'm so glad you're back ^-^ *gently massages head where you hit me* ^.^' I wasn't sure if I was being avoided or what...Oww....Thanks for the compliment on the site, I appreciate it, haha...no, I just couldn't help myself, I'm too addicted to Hellsing and Alucard-sama...*glomps Alucard-sama for the 217th time today* XD

Imooto-chan - Ah, ah, ah, you shouldn't follow my example and be on at school XD Ah, well, if you don't get in as much trouble...Ahahah, I'm tempted to just say "Sorry" now to see how you'll react...*grin* Yeah, I can't help it, I always apologize for everything...ahahah, if someone's drink fell over a million miles away, I'd apologize for that, too XD *covers your mouth* Shhh....You don't know where I live...*hint, hint* It's a rather small state, and not hard to find one person in that place...^.^'

Lytjuh-sama - Yep, I'm sure you could give me great advice...Even if you couldn't, a listening ear and a comforting word is often what I need most ^-^ ...Is it true that when you first start on the happy pills, things get worse before they get better? *worried* Hey now, I don't need an even lower dip...
Haha, yeah, I saw JD-sama's post right after I posted, and I commented about that *grin* Oh, yeah, I remember that whole thing about people twisting your words...I was so angry with them...And you don't need to change a thing ^-^

CloserCloser - Skipping this comment, since I can't answer one-liners very well...

Pharaohess-sama - Haha, yeah, it's a LoveLY Hellsing theme *grin* Ugh, yeah, shrinking everything down, making the font 8 or 9...then you worry if it's readable...T 3T Such a hassle, such a hassle, that's why I love bgs...things can pretty much be as big as you want, haha...Yeah, I know, I almost had a seizure when I found out about Ebisu's VA...>.>' And you're not (that) crazy XD

Onii-chan - Don't worry about not being on very much, I'm rarely on except to read PMs during the week anyway, so...Haha, if I chastised you for that, I would be a hypocrit *grin* Yep, you are my role model, and you set a very good example...except for when you RACE HOME FROM WORK!! XD I know, I know, I promised I'd let that one go...XD hehe, I'll try to behave *grin*

J-chan - Yeah, KT and J called me on Wednesday...they talked for AN HOUR O_O But they said you normally don't talk at lunch...you should talk to them a bit more, they seemed kinda worried about you
Did you hear about Miss A getting a Gastric Bypass? I don't know when, but she's getting one soon....
And being passive means that you let problems go, and you let people walk all over you...agressive means that you scream in people's faces when they give you a problem...ehehe...yeah, no offense, but I'd say you're passive, like me *grin*

Okay, it's question time now!!

1 - Do you believe in destiny?

2 - Everyone seems to be leaving lately. Has anyone close to you left? Are you planning on leaving anytime soon?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1 - This was on Magnus-sama’s site a long time ago…Hope she doesn’t mind my borrowing it ^.^’
Yes, I do believe in destiny. I met my current best friends because I was destined to. I was destined to sit next to Alexa the first day of 7th grade and chat her ear off (normally, I’m too shy to talk to anyone I don’t know, especially on the first day), and I was destined to sit next to Currine on the bus on the first day of 5th grade and decide to talk about my favorite radio station. And it was destiny that J-chan decided to sit across from me in 6th grade. So I believe in destiny very strongly.

2 - I lost Magnus-sama and Tyler55 for a little while, and I almost lost Lytjuh-sama. No, I don’t think I’m going to leave any time soon, because everyone here means a lot to me, and I enjoy coming every day and visiting and changing my theme every now and again, and I love posting here, it’s a great outlet for me ^-^ So none of you have to worry about losing me any time soon ^-^ (If any of you were, that is…^.^’)

Ahh, that's the last of them...my question-well has run dry...so from now on, don't be surprised if some of the questions on my site look vaguely familiar to some of you, I may be....er...borrowing some questions from other sites or from the PMs that my Imooto-chan sends me *grin*

Take care, everyone, I'm going to try to get to sites!!
Ja!
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