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AIM
• baratatsu
Vitals
Gender
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Female
Location
• *blinks, looks around* Um, I'm not sure ^^'
Member Since
• 2005-06-15
Occupation
• Student
Real Name
• Tina
Personal
Achievements
• Getting into the school I wanted and placing in all Phase 5's (Hehe, notice it's all based on school and grades and such...I have no other strong point XP)
Anime Fan Since
• 2nd grade, I guess
Favorite Anime
• Yu-gi-oh!, Inuyasha, Full Metal Alchemist, Naruto, Escaflowne, Avatar, Loveless, Full Moon O Sagashite, Hellsing, and anything by Miyazaki (Haha, I'm pretty open-minded as far as anime goes ^^) I also love the Crossroad mangas...they're so awesome <3
Goals
• To become a writer someday, learn bass (after getting one!) and to learn to speak, read, and write Japanese fluently
Hobbies
• Reading and writing, drawing, listening to music (Japanese and English), watching TV (usually animated), hanging out with my friends, going online, playing with computer software, tinkering with computer hardware
Talents
• Writing, talking REALLY fast, finding new and stupid ways to say things...oh, and I CAN SEE IN THE DARK! O-O Spooky, ne? ^^
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Monday, September 18, 2006
...........
I'm really sorry, everyone, and I know I'll regret this later, but I just need to get this out...
And I'm really scared to talk to anyone else...
And I really hate to do this, because I don't want to drive any more friends away..
But I need to talk.
The only reason I'm even posting this is because I know I probably won't have as many people reading it, since it's a later post, and people rarely look at people's posts if they posted a day ago, so... With any luck, no one will even read this post
I think I'm an emotional masochist. There. Heh, it's proof that something's wrong with me. Instead of inflicting physical pain (ie: cutting) I allow myself to take on emotional pain - and a lot of it...and some part of me likes it sometimes....
To be completely frank, I hate myself. With a passion. I'm completely serious. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't look at all my flaws and shortcomings and hate myself for them all. I truly believe that I am a cause (indirect or otherwise) of all the bad things in my life and the lives of those around me. I feel useless and I feel like a burden to everyone...
And most of my friends that I let get close enough to see me when I'm not always happy (or sometiems pretending to be) get freaked out and stop talking to me or don't talk to me the same way again...I feel selfish for resenting the fact that I can't feel pain around people...but yet again, I blame myself for A - always putting up a front that makes people expect happiness and joy from me at all times and B - wanting and expecting all my friends to always comfort me and understand and try to help me
I'm sorry, I know this makes no sense, and tomorrow, I'll probably be back to normal. I just wanted to get this out there. I'll understand if I see less guests soon
I won't do comments now, because I'm not really myself, but I'll suffice to say that reading them did cheer me up a bit. Thank you all for your support - It really does mean a lot to me, and I know that some days, it's the difference between life and death for some people that are worse than me on here...
Take care, everyone
Ja
Comments
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