Tuesday, August 7, 2007

   Sadness and Despair!
Im such an ignorant fool.... I hurt the ones I love and the one I love most.... I should have never said anything.... Things are better when left unsaid.... Ur safer when things are left unsaid.... I hate myself for hurting the one I love so much..... I caused nothing, but sadness and depression.... I am a horrible person and do not deserve to live.... I can not stand being such a burden.... I hold everyone down.... I keep them from being happy.... I can not stand myself..... Im so useless and worthless..... I do not deserve to be happy..... I do not deserve the one I love so much..... Im so pathetic and worthless..... I should just die.....
~*~ Anais ~*~

Last night I cried
Tears that burned
Fallen again
Another lesson learned

How many tears
Can be in one eye
You can never imagine
The ones that I cry

A tear for every word
That is left unsaid
They fall from my face
As I sit on my bed

The tear is left unheard
But as it falls it screams
I don't want to return
To my horrible dreams

People don't care
What my tears have to say
But here in my room
I will always stay

One last tear falls
And brings numbness to me
I can not hear
I can't even see

Memories are gone
Because it was never real
How can you remember
If there was nothing there to feel

So here I am
Crying the same tears
Not living my life
Because of my fears

Fine. Have your silly battles.
What can I do but run?
This is not about me.
I am the one you chose to shun.

You are not my mother.
You are a disguise.
Wrapped in tissue paper, walk.
You are a gift; stormy skies.

Fake, like the lights of LA.
But, no, those were real.
They were beauty.
I did not make you steal.

You took my lights from me.
They shone; Christmas.
The dew on the roses...
God, Mom, I was home!

But here it's green.
I have found love; real.
This one will last.
A mother's love isn't steel.

Leave behind my life; again?
Let go? TOO MANY TIMES.
I will not go with you.
I am sick of mimes.

Take my brother from me.
I will come.
Revenge? Call it that.
I will come.

A baby cries somewhere
Is it mine?
No. No it cant be
Mine was taken from me
At a time when I was not myself
Blood.
That was the colour of the day
Rain turning my heart a darker shade of black
Why was I so absent?
We could not have stopped them.
It was the right thing to do.
Stop talking.
I should have fought!
-Silence-
We are better off for it now
No. No, my baby is better with me
Growing safely in my womb
And one day in my arms
Instead of a cot - she got a grave
How could we have loved it so?
A mother has a love of no limit
I love her still
I was there too, remember?
You were the voice in my head
that wastes away a bit each day
I am angry
I am empty
I am... just...

so very sorry.


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