Tuesday, March 7, 2006

I'm pissed. You know that creative writing contest I've complained about on here where it has to be under 1500 words and all that? Well, the thing I wrote was 2,380 words, and I was complaining about it, and I didn't want to submit it, and my mother's like, "I think you should submit that thing you wrote at the beginning of the year." One of the only two things I ever let her read of mine... it was the first thing I wrote for that damn class... and I think it sucks. But, the 2380-word story is equally sucky, if not more so, so I decided I would submit that thing I wrote at the beginning of the year. It's 328 words. But anyways, I think that thing sucks ass too, and it turns out we have to read them to the class. Fucking shit. I'm not reading that shit to the class, and I told the teacher that (without the word 'shit,' and she still thinks I'm submitting the thing we've spent the past week working on... won't she be disappointed when she finds out I'm submitting some old piece of shit instead of a new piece of shit)... anyways, she said something about reading our things out loud, and I'm like, "Um, no I'm not." and she got all offended because nobody wants to read theirs out loud, and she says that she can understand why we don't want to read them out loud, but nobody in the classroom is gonna say they suck, and blahblahblah, and people we don't even know are gonna read them, and she's tried to create a comfortable and positive environment in this class! I don't read out loud in front of a group of people, and I don't like to have my stuff read out loud when I'm around. I don't like to know what people think of it, or of me. I don't know why, but I don't. I don't take compliments well, and in a "positive environment", that's what you get. Compliments. Blah. I ain't readin' my shit out loud. As for my research paper... Holy fucking shit. I mean, I have to have six sources by monday, of four different types. I have four sources of three different types (2 books, a pamphlet, & an encyclopedia)... I was gonna get on the computer today and use the power library and shit, but the PRINTER was broken. What. The. Fuck. That's just my fucking luck. I also think there's something wrong with some organ in my lower back, probably my kidney, cuz it's hurt for two days, and this morning when I went to get out of bed, my back spasmed in pain and I almost collapsed. When I told my friend that, he laughed and said that was cool. I told him it wasn't, and he apologized. If I end up in the hospital with kidney failure or some such joy, I'm gonna get up in his face and guilt-trip him until he cries because he laughed at me. If I have some kidney problem, that's just fucking great, because I'm only sixteen, and that puts my life expectancy at like, 30... Because if my kidney fucks up and I have to be on meds forever, or function differently than any other person, I'll shoot myself in the head. What the fuck do your kidneys do, anyways? I haven't told my mother it's still bothering me, but I suppose if I sit here long enough, then get up and my back spazzes with pain and I collapse and bust my face off the desk, I guess she'll figure something's wrong then, won't she. Pardon me. I'm gonna go slaughter innocent bystanders. ~SJ "I can't relate to a happy state. Feeling the blood run inside. Why won't you die?"

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