Wednesday, April 12, 2006

FIVE DAY BREAK!!! WOOHOOO!!! Of course, during it, I have to do worksheets for math, a packet for world cultures, and create a visual for my presentation in english on Wednesday. Goddammit. How do you create a visual for "not enough treatment for the mentally ill"? Bring in a schizophrenic who hasn't been treated and watch them? Be like, "This is the result of not enough being done about the mentally ill. I found this guy eating out of the dumpster behind Pizza Hut. How gross is that?" And he'll be like, chasing invisible things around the room or something... Anyways. I'm listening to happy music from Inuyasha. It's kinda blah. Is it bad that I'm less girly than my guy friend even when I've got makeup on and my nails painted? He somehow manages to be more of a girl than I am. It's so annoying. I burned him a J-Rock mix CD, and I have a feeling that any time I mention Gackt now, he'll be like, "I LOVE GACKT. GACKT IS SO GREAT. I LOVE GACKT!" And I'll call him a queer little homo... Because he is, dammit. But he's just so... well, my mother used the term 'eager to please.' I think he only wanted the j-rock CD because he wants to be more like me. He thinks that if he showers Gackt and Pierrot and all my favorite things in praise, I'll like him better, or we'll have more things in common and be better friends or something... All it does is kinda make me want to choke. And like, he "broke up" with his "girlfriend" (it was one of those relationships that clearly meant nothing, because they never even held hands, and they broke up through a note)... she wrote him a note saying that he acted like me and my best friend too much and she didn't know how to act around that, but when he wasn't around us, he was a really sweet guy. That means a few things. 1) He feels like he has to act differently around his friends for them to like him 2) He's full of shit Then when I said something about that, he's like, "I love acting like you guys! I have more fun with you guys than I've ever had with any of my other friends, ever! I mean--" At this point I stopped listening because I hate when he goes all "I LOVE BEING FRIENDS WITH YOU!" girly on me... But this also means (or "could mean"): 3) He's intentionally acting like us to "impress" us, and therefore he doesn't really have a personality of his own 4) I hate people who don't have personalities of their own. I ought to slap him around a little bit. Then again, it's likely I wouldn't like his "real" personality either. I'm just hell-bent on NOT liking him. The other day, someone said that me and him should date, and I said, "Like HELL." and they're like, "Why not?" I told them that he missed his chance on dating me, and when they didn't seem to know what I meant, I said, "In middle school, I would have agreed. But now, I wouldn't." He looked at me with these big wide eyes... Probably because I admitted that I would have dated him in middle school, but half the world knew that, and so did he, so I don't know why he looked at me like that. I should have put my fingernails through his eyeball sockets. Well. My violence factor needs to tone it down a bit. Actually, it doesn't. I'm gonna go write. ~SJ Paaaaain. Mmmmm.

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