Friday, May 6, 2005

   shit....
I feel like shit......I haven't been this depressed in a long time....I feel like I lost Dolly....maybe I have....I am so fucking stupid.....I hate myself....I think Dolly lost interest in me because of the shit I do......I think she wants to break up with me but she feels bad for me................*sigh*.....I will have to do the hard part then...if it is for making her free to be happy and love someone else then I must....I don't want to but I have to......shit.......I am gonna start cutting again.......I want to die.....Dolly doesn't love me anymore...she has lost all her patience and love.....ugh.......I want to cry but I won't.....I can't.......well i"m gonna go lay down in bed to mope around and find ways to drown out the pain
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Thursday, May 5, 2005

   sorry...
sorry for not being on the whole week. my mom got mad at me for saying bad words in the house. I am still kinda grounded but she lets me go on from time to time.




Monday:
Today was a regular boring day nothing happened. so I have nothing to sat for this day.

Tuesday:
Same as Monday XD



Wednesday:
Today I stayed after school to do some extra work for my math class with Maria. After that I walked with her to pick up her brother. and then I walked her home. After that I went talking towards my house when I spotted Alex and his friend. We hung out and then went to BK. After that we went to a community center at 6 to wait for Maria, cuz alex wanted to see her again. since he left cuz of his problems he hasn't seen her in a few years. Maria came at 7-7:30 and then we talked and then we went to my house to hang out some more. We drank a lil alcohol but it was minor stuff. then we went to go drop her off at the community center where she had band practise but she ditched it to be with us.

Well that is my week so far. I will post again on Saturday hopefully.
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Sunday, May 1, 2005

   YAY!!!
I got my comp back!!! I can finally use it again!! everything is betterexcept all my music that was on my old comp...I put it on my new MP3 but...I still want it on my new comp.

Friday:
Today I came out early because C-Track is going on vacation. my best friend Alex has 2 months of vacations now...lucky SOB....well I was gonna go play football today but I decided to spend my time with Dolly.

Saturday:
I woke up at 5 to start downloading music (bad..bad habit)and then my mom made me do my h/w...didn't do it XD...I then saw Yu-Gi-Oh at 10 it was pretty awesome because of that new evil monster...it was awesome. that guy Rafael is just like me. well later we went to best buy to go get my comp back and my mom bought me a new MP3 that holds like 34 hours.I could have gotten an I-pod but naw.

Sunday:
MY DAD'S B_DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he is gonna be turning 81 or 82...I love my dad!!
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Saturday, April 30, 2005

Guitar!!!
here is a picture of me and my new Guitar...I am pretty good for a begginer..I can read tabs and I can make my own beats. I still can't play any known songs.I either make my own or just strum it. I don't even practice. I am too busy doing homework and shit like that. well here is pic.


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Friday, April 29, 2005

   Sorry
sorry for not updating lately....I am soooo sorry. This week has been hectic because of the schedules,doctor's appointments,therepist appointments, and psychiatrist appointments.

Monday:
Today my dad took me out of school early to go to Psychiatrist appointment. he is the one thatprescribed that miraculous medicine that made all my bad suicidal thoughts go away. I hate the quack but love his medicine XD.

Tuesday:
Today I didn't feel so good so I told my dad to come take me out of school early. we then went to the doctor and he gave me no medicine -.- he said it was my sinus problems. I always have had sinus problems.

Wednesday:
Today was a boring day. boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring

Thursday:
Today was a pretty fun day because we had 4rth period for 2 hours and we did nothing.at first we did work later we did free time stuff..I called Dolly in class hehehe then I talked to her until after lunch (which was after my 4rth) then a little bit into the start of my next class. lol

Well that is my week XD...oh! big news!! my mom "said" I could go to KY. but she is a liar so I dont think I might go.....boooo!!!!. she is mean!!!! but...nvm....I still dunno if I might go.
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Sunday, April 24, 2005

where!!!
where is everyone....I miss all the comments I used to have ;-; why won't people comment as much....look I am sorry that I don't comment much...I promise I will now.....I want all my comments again!!! please!!

well in other news my playlist has been updated drastically I now have 53 songs. 12 Moi Dix Mois songs.....10 Malice Mizer songs.....9 Duel Jewel....9 Dir en Grey.....4 Due le Quartz......4 Alice Nine and 4 HYDE....I have more but these are my fave bands.

I also got a new cellphone!! it is kinda cheap but w/e at least I have one. hehehe I am also getting an electric guitar today/tommorrow. It is a Black and white one...it is really really cool. I can't wait...I already have 2 picks!! I just need my guitar and the amps that come with it...I will learn how to play just like Mana!! hehehe.

in other news....my best friend is having really bad problems...I have to cheer him up and be good to him....I always am...but...this is really serious and personal.

That is it....byes!
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Wednesday, April 20, 2005

   PlayList!!
well I updates my playlist....I have a total of 43 songs so far...I am sorry for not updating and not commenting. My playlist!!

Moi Dix Mois-Nocturnal Romance
Moi Dix Mois-La Dix Croix
Moi Dix Mois-Night Breed
Moi Dix Mois-Pessimiste
Moi Dix Mois-Priere
Moi dix Mois-The Prophet
Moi Dix Mois-Monophobia
Moi Dix Mois-Angel
Moi Dix Mois-Mephisto Waltz
Moi Dix Mois-Solitude
Moi Dix Mois-Dialogue Symphonie
Moi Dix Mois-Forbidden
Malice Mizer-Beast of Blood
Malice Mizer-Illuminati
Malice Mizer-Color Me Blood Red
Malice Mizer-Ju Te Veux
Malice Mizer-Bel Air
Malice Mizer-Le Ciel
Malice Mizer-Syunkiss
Malice Mizer-GARDENIA
Malice Mizer-Shiroi
Malice Mizer-Seraph
Dir En Grey-Garden
Dir En Grey-OBSCURE
Dir En Grey-Hydra
Dir En Grey-Filth
Dir En Grey-Drain Away
Dir En Grey-Child Prey
Dir En Grey-Pink Killer
Duel Jewel-RED BEAST Wo Korose
Duel Jewel-Nauthiz
Duel Jewel-Etsu
Duel Jewel-Anmaku
Duel Jewel-[nidome no nekare wa...]
Alice Nine-Namae Wa Madanahi
Alice Nine-Akai Kazaguruma
Alice Nine-Merou ni Shizunde
Isola-Egoiste Butterfly-02-Cruel
Isola-Over...1..Over...
Schwarstein-Queen of Decadence
Schwarstein-Kuro Ageha
HYDE-Words Of Love
Final Fantasy X-Otherworld


you guys can ask for any songs..but the max is 2 because my comp takes forever to upload them. I am gonna do something new...instead of commenting.I will upload a song with Yousendit and then let you guys download the song...I will upload 3 songs a week. so every Monday/Wednesday/Friday check for new song downloads in my post. The download only last 7 days and 25 downloads so download it as fast as possible ok?. well if i do this will you guys forgive me for not updating and not posting many comments on your sites?
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Monday, April 18, 2005

here!!
My best and probably only friends had his B-day on april 14 but he had the party/gathering on sunday...I went to his house and we heard music and did stuff for the party/gathering...he had the chance to invite his other friends but he said I was his only good friend...that made me happy. after everything was set we went to the music store...I looked for J-Rock and he looked for black Metal. I did not find anything but alex found a Rotting Christ DVD...it is awesome that band is awesome. We then went back to his house and had the gathering....he turned 16. well he also let me borrow a beanie...here are 2 pics of me...one with a beanie and one without.

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Saturday, April 16, 2005

   J-Rock
Well I have decided to start a downloading site for people who want some J-rock songs. here is my list:

Moi Dix Mois-Nocturnal Romance
Moi Dix Mois-La Dix Croix
Moi Dix Mois-Night Breed
Moi Dix Mois-Pessimiste
Moi Dix Mois-Solitude
Moi Dix Mois-Monophobia
Moi Dix Mois-Angel
Moi Dix Mois-Dialogue Symphonie
Moi Dix Mois-Forbidden
Malice Mizer-Beast of Blood
Malice Mizer-Illuminati
Duel Jewel-RED BEAST Wo Korose
Duel Jewel-Nauthiz
Duel Jewel-Etsu
Duel Jewel-Anmaku
Alice Nine-Namae Wa Madanahi
Alice Nine-Akai Kazaguruma
Alice Nine-Merou ni Shizunde
Dir En Grey-Garden
Dir En Grey-Hydra
Dir En Grey-Child Prey
Dir En Grey-Pink Killer
Isola-Egoiste Butterfly-02-Cruel
Isola-Over...1..Over...
Schwarstein-Queen of Decadence
Schwarstein-Kuro Ageha
Final Fantasy X-Otherworld

These are some of the best songs I have...if you want a few songs just ask..the max I can upload at a time is 3...You guys can IM me
and ask for the songs.

AIM: ShadowDarkness54
MSN: darkshugo54@hotmail.com
YIM: ShadowDarkness54


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Sunday, April 10, 2005

   Happy Anniversary!!!
Today is Dolly and I's 6 month anniversary of going out!!! wheeee!! we have known each other for 8 but we have been going out for 6!! that is exactly half a year!!! man....I can't believe it....We havve had our set of problems...(because of my constant breakdowns and depression)...she never creates the problems...I either have thoughts that make me think of only the bad things that will happen...which suck!! but lately The medicine has been working the thoughts are gone and I feel happier...a bit sad because I miss her a lot but mostly fine ^________^....I still can't believe Dolly and I have been going out for 6 Months...I never expected I would have a Girl because I am Ugly/Fat/Psychotic/Stupid and more stuff....yay!!! me ish happy!! I have the best Girlfriend in the world!!!! HAHAHA I win!!!!!! *smooches Dolly* me love you sweetie!!!! yay!!!! 6 Months!!!!!! yay!!!!! Too bad Dolly won't be on today ;-; she is rarely on Sunday..so I dunno....I will try to feed my fone...then we can talk late at night!!!!!! wheeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!! yay!!!! well that is it!! me go miss Dolly!!!!
I MISS YOU SWEETIE!!!!!!!!!!
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