Saturday, April 9, 2005

   wow...
Wednesday
I got my grades on wednesday...I got pretty good grades.....I got the same grades as last semester

Honors English 9B: D S U
Spanish 1B: C S S
History 9B: C S S
AVID Elective: F U U
Physical Education: C S S
Algebra 9B: B E E

I think my English grade rose...and I am working on my AVID class grade...I hate doing the binder check >.<

Thursday
Today I managed to convince my mom to get me an MP# player for getting semi good grades hehe....so I put tons of my J-Rock into it....then I went to therapy and went through the usual procedures....Then we went to McDonalds because my sis was doing a Teacher Night there...she is a 4th grade Teacher..a 31 year old teacher..she is pretty cool a bit conceited but caring nonetheless.

Friday
Well today I was sick...I didn't go to school...I woke up like at 10 and then just stared at the ceiling...I was tired...but I can't sleep when there is light...I have never sleped until 11...the latest was 10:15.Well then I went to the doctor...he said I have a mix of asthma and allergies.....he says I am allergic to vegetation or something like that...the pollen from trees and flowers...Well after the doctor we went to McDonalds and I bought a Fruit and Walnut salad and a McChicken sandwich....(I dont like eating Beef)...I only eat chicken...well after mcDonalds we went home and I got prepared to go to school to do the big algebra exam...After the Exam I went outside...and while I was walking to the bus stop..these 2 gansters were talking shit to some othjer ones...they shot the other guys in the car but it missed..the guy that shot it ran right next to me...I felt he was going to shoot my back and kill me...I walked to the bus stop like nothing happened but my feet were trembling.....I wasn't scared...more like traumatized a bit...I almost died....wow...nice *smirks* well that is it...goodbye


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Tuesday, April 5, 2005

quizzes

You are a maniac
killer.
It doesn't matter who they are and what they
have or haven't done. You still want to kill
them. And for a simple reason only; it's fun.
Seeing people in pain is like ecstasy. Maybe
you have some sort of mental problems or you
are this way because of previous deep scars,
only you know. But now you are sadistic and
maybe you only like to see a special group of
people be in pain (e.g. preps). However you are
not the most social person in the bunch and
people think you are weird. That bothers you
somewhat but atleast you can entertain yourself
with daydreaming about killing them. After all,
they have no idea what's coming.

Main weapon: Explosives and torture
equpiment
Quote: "Insanity: a perfect
rational adjustment to an insane world" -
R.D. Lang
Facial expression: Wicked smile

What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
brought to you by Quizilla


This is really true hehehe



Your word is: Hate. Your heart has been turned to
black since you haven't experienced love, or
maybe you felt love but got none in return. So
if no one else is willing to like you, then why
like them? You are now a very bitter soul,
trying to find a place and perhaps someone who
can co-exist with you. That can be a problem
since you tend to keep away from most people
and be rude, but maybe someday you will be okay
again.


What dark word represents you? (anime pics and 7 outcomes)
brought to you by Quizilla


this is also really really true hehehe



here is a drawing my friend vernice did...she drew me and dolly and Sharamaine and terence....

here is the sharmaine and terence one


here is me and Dolly....



these are funny XD
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Monday, April 4, 2005

   @_@
I spent the whole weekend downloading music lol....I downloaded 111 songs of moi dix mois and 7-8 of malice mizer and 3 of duel jewel...I got alex into J-Rock...We both made burned CD on my comp Mine has:


Moi Dix Mois-Mad Ingrain
Moi Dix Mois-Nocturnal Romance
Moi Dix Mois-Night Breed
Moi Dix Mois-La Dix Croix
Moi Dix Mois-Solitude
Moi Dix Mois-Forbidden
Moi Dix Mois-Angel
Moi Dix Mois-Dialouge Symphonie
Moi Dix Mois-Pagent
Malice Mizer-Illuminati
Malice Mizer-Beast of Blood
Malice Mizer-Gardenia
Malice Mizer-Syunkiss
Malice Mizer-Baroque
Duel Jewel-Red Beast
Duel Jewel-Anmaku
Duel Jewel-Etsu
Hellsing-Alucard Theme
Final Fantasy X-Otherworld


That was my Cd...in that exact same order..as you can see I am a huge moi dix mois fan...I got alex into moi dix mois...it is a really awesome band....it is way better than malice mizer and duel jewel....The voice is like a mix of Gackt and klaha and you still have the awesome mana guitar...but you get special organs and operaish piano and stuff...well me and Julia don't like each other no more....hehe my plan worked....somehow lol XD I knew she wouldn't be happy with me so I deliberately did stuff to make her not like me....Well I just downloaded 2 more songs

Moi Dix Mois-Vizard
Moi dix Mois-The Phrophet

I also downloaded 2 videos the illuminati video and the beast of blood video which are both totally awesome hehe...wel that is it byes!!



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Friday, April 1, 2005

Omg!!!
I am sooo sorry everyone.....I was just going through a tough time...this week has not been good to me.....It's a freaking roller coaster..one day I am fine and then the next I am crazy...I don't blame myself...but I blame my damm depression....well the doctor gave me some medicine that he says will help the bad thoughts get out of my head.....I apologize for everything I have said.....I was wrong...I am sooo sorry.........I hope everyone who read those posts can try to forgive me......Well if you can't then I understand.....I won't let it get to me....I will keep trying to be happy...I am happy but then the memories flood back and haunt me....I really doon't care of anyone hates me..as long as I have dolly...but then a thought came into my mind...I thought she had lost hope in me again..that she had lost patience...I then though about our past problems...and then future thoughts came into my mind...I saw...I saw that she broke up with me....ughhhh.....Well now that everything is settled I am better now..I am sorry about everything...I hope you can forgive me...oh! and i am also sorry for not being as active and not visiting sites as much......School is getting harder....I won't have much time to post or visit sites...sooo sorry....My mom decided to keep the internet since she saw that I became better....well that is it...byes!

All About You!!
Created by xxunloved248 and taken 7057 times on bzoink!
The Basics
Name?	Alan Augusto Morales
Sex?	Male
Birthday?	January 20 1990
Location?	California
Height?	5'8
Weight?	Personal......
Hair Color?	Dark Brown/Black/kinda reddish
Eye Color?	Dark Brown/Black
Social Life
Who is your best friend(s)?	Alex
Would you rather be alone, hangout with one other person, or in a group?	I would want to hang out with my true love dolly
What would you consider a typical Friday nite?	At home online
How often do you go out on the weekend? during the week?	on the weekend I usually always go out..wither with alex or with my family
Would you rather spend the day with your family or friends?	Friend...I only have one friend..well that I hang out with
Love Life
Are you single?	Nope!
If so, do u have a crush?	I dont have a crush...I have a lover ^__^
What is his/her name?	Dolly
If not, what is his/her name?	o.O what?
How long have you two been together?	almost 6 months if we don't count the porblems we had
This or That
Night or Day?	Night...
Cat or Dog?	Cat.....
Ugly and Sweet or Hott and Mean?	Ugly and Sweet
Hot or Cold?	Cold....
Tall or Short?	Tall....
Prep of Punk?	ewwwww......Neither...they are both pathetic
Winter or Summer?	Winter.....
McDonalds or Burgerking?	Mcdonalds
Hard or Soft?	Hard....
Yes or No?
Do you drink?	Yes...
Have you ever gotten drunk?	nope...I can drink controllably...unless I am really depressed
Do you smoke?	Fuck no...I am not that stupid
Have you ever gotten high?	Fuck no.....
Are you prude?	not really
Are you a virgin?	Yup....I am waiting for dolly hehe
Are you smart?	yup
Are you ugly?	yup
Are you pretty?	nope
Are you trustworthy?	yup
Random
How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?	1...Dolly is my first
How many pairs of shoes do you have that actually fit?	2-3
What size bra do you wear?	what the fuck -.-"" I am not a chick......
Have you ever colored your hair?	nope...but I want to dye it pure black
What pieces of jewlery do you wear everyday?	I wear a croos everyday...I also wear some invader zim and south park wristbands
Do you have a cell phone?	yes
Name three things you "can't live without"	Dolly....Kitty....I
Who do you talk to the most on aim? phone?	both....
What color(s) is your room?	White...but I want to clor it pure black and maybe some red mixed into it
Do you have a computer in your room?	yup
What time do you usually go to bed? wake up?	on school days 10:30/6:00 on weekends 12:00/7:00
What's your favorite clothes store?	clothes are clothes..they are all the same to me..people who like to shop at specific stores are either stupid or are wannabees
Do you wear makeup?	not really...I only wore eyeliner once...
Do you paint your nails?	not really..I only did it once....
What size shoe are you?	11-12
Did you like this quiz/survey?	maybe....
Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to bzoink!

true love
Created by freesurveyq and taken 83 times on bzoink!
are you in love?	Yes....
If so, what is his/her name	Dolly
from 1-10 how much do you love this person?	There is not a number that can explain my love for her
would you change anything about this person?	yes.....
if so then what would you change?	....how she cares about everyone..that is the only thing
would you ever cheat on this person?	Hell no!
how you you feel if the person died?	I would be devestated...I would lose all my sanity...I would...I dont want to think about it
would you marry this person?	of course....
from 1-10 how does this person treat you?	1,000,000,000,000
is this person a good kisser?	I don't know yet...I am saving my first kiss for her ^_^
do you see your self with this person in the future?	yup...
what do you love the most about this person?	How she treats me and all the attention she gives me ^_^
$1,000,000 or this person?	you retard.......Dolly or course
if you were alone in the dark who would you want to spend it with?	Dolly....and I already am in the dark.....
if this person lost an arm or leg would you leave them?	You retard.....are you fucking mentally stupid or something...looks don't fucking matter when you are in love
Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to bzoink!

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Thursday, March 31, 2005

.....................................
Everything never changes......yesterday I fell asleep at 5 and didn't wake up until 6 the next day...........I never take naps.......well I don't care anymore....I don't care what people say to me.....Everyone is just a piece of shit....I haven't cut myself...but I still have the scars from last time....I will post them up.....They have healed drstically...i was bleeding a lot when I first did them but now they have healed.....oh! and marz I read your comment...I don't care what you think.....you should just go your own way....just leave me alone...I can do whatever I want..if that pisses you off then leave me alone....well here is the pic....


it doesn't look that severe but when I first did it..it was really really bad........well i'm off to another session of therapy but this time it is with some guy that prescribes medicine....he can give me all the medicine he wants...I will only use it to overdose.....well This will be my last post....I won't be having internet anymore....My mom is taking it away because she thinks it is to blame for my depression...well I don't care anymore...the internet is fake....just like everyone on it....goodbye
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Wednesday, March 30, 2005

.............................
ugh.....I only slept 3 hours last night....I was busy doing an essay.....Well I am not tired...but I am really depressed...I have no idea why.....I keep having bad memories...I never remember any good memories...I can only remember the bad ones....*sigh*...I promised my mom i would not cut myself....so i won't.....It is gonna be heard but....*sigh*..............I don't like this one bit......I am wide awake...I only slept 3 hours....hmmm....In history class we were talking about how the terks commited mass genocide against the armenians...I laughed...I kept smiling....I find holocaust funny....I only smile like that when lestat is out.....I just don't want to have emotions anymore.....It is all too hard.....I...I don't know what to do anymore.....I will probably be changing my AIM sn again....I don't want to talk to anyone anymore....I want them to leave me alone....I shall give up on my online life...I need to focus more on my real life....shit....not again...fuck...I want to break up with dolly again....*sigh*...............when I need help no one is there...I hate that.....that is why I hate my emotions now....I shall destroy all my good emotions...I shall destroy myself...I will let lestat take over...I will let him hate everyone..including dolly.....*sigh* no one can help me......Christ is a fucker.....God is a bastard....in the end no one is there for you...you are all alone in this world.....I will now become a satanist....I don't care anymore...I get nothing from being catholic so I should just be satanist...I get nothing either way...but maybe...I can destroy all my good emotions if I become a satanist...hehe...good job...Well I shall now do something....

To Everyone: you can all fuck off....you and your stupid lies won't work on me...you bitches are all the same...lowlife little pieces of shit...you guys can all fuck off....

To Dolly: you...you should just get out of my life...i don't want you...I dont need you...You can go to hell for all I care....I hate you.....leave me alone
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Tuesday, March 29, 2005

  

About Yourself! 149 questions!
Created by Lynsey and taken 458 times on bzoink!
A little bit about you
What is your name?	Alan
How old are you?	15
When is your birthday?	January 20 !990
What is your starsign?	Aquarius
Where was you born?	Los Angeles
Where do you live now?	Los Angeles
What color eyes do you have?	Black
What color hair do you have?	Black
Is your hair long or short?	kinda Long
What is your height?	5'8
Are you single?	No.....
Do you have a nickname? If yes, what is it?	Shugo...Psycho...monkey....
Occupation?	Student
What music are you currently listening to if any?	Black Metal
Favourite
Color?	Black
Name?	Alucard
Song?	any Old Man Child songs
Band?	Old mans Child
Movie?	any horror ones
Friend?	alex..he is my only friend
Subject?	Philosophy/Demonology
Animal?	Black Tiger...duh
Food?	Mashed potatoes!!!
Chocolate?	I dont like chocolate
Sweet?	Skittles
Number?	666
Day of the week?	Wednesday
Season?	Winter
Weather?	Rainy
Time of day?	Midnight
Type of music?	Black Metal
Video to a song?	Fever Frei-Rammstein
Song name?	Fever Frei
Band name?	Rammstein
Instrument?	Guitar!!
Room in your house?	My Room
Weapon?	AK-47 or katana
Type of death?	Suicide
Person?
Celebrity?	Ashton kutcher
Sport?	Football
Piercing?	no
Tattoo?	I want a pentagram tatoo
Hair style?	covering my face
Channel?	FOX
Store?	Suncoast
Drink?	Pina Colada
Shoes?	any soft shoes
Pet name?	Kika
Boys name?	Alucard
Girls name?	Julia
Game?	Ratchet and Clank
State?	California!!!
Country?	Hawaii!!
Car?	Jaguar
Places?	Music store
Moments in your life?	none.....
Flower?	Black Rose
Scent?	Ocean.....
Thing to do?	burn stuff
Actor?	none
Actress?	none
Shirt/Tshirt?	Slipknot T-shirts
This or That
Sprite or 7UP?	7-Up!!!
Coca Cola or Pepsi?	coke!!
Phone or computer?	Computer!!
Ocean or Lake?	Ocean!!!
Summer or Winter?	Winter!!!
Spring or Autumn?	Autumm!!!!
TV or Radio?	TV!!!!
Black or white?	Black!!!
Pants or shorts?	Pants!!!
Vans or etnies?	Vans!!!
Burgers or Hot dogs?	Burgers!!!
Basketball or Football?	Football!!!
Chocolate or Vanilla	Vanilla!!!
Getting high or Stoned?	Stoned!!! duh!!
Burger King or McDonalds?	McDonalds!!
Recliners or Couches?	Recliners!!!
Men or Women?	Women ^.~
Cat or Dog?	Cat!!
Baby boy or Baby girl?	hard one....
Punk or Rap?	Fuck you!! neither you bitch...Pnk and Rap are gay!!!
Emo or Heavy Metal?	XD Heavy Metal of course you bitch
Comedy or Drama?	Comedy!!
Alive or Dead?	Dead!!
Happy or sad?	Sad!!
Sunny or Raining?	Rainy!!
Dumb or Smart?	Neither!!
Up or Down?	Neither!!
Ice cream or Sherbert?	neither!!
Vodka or Beer?	vodka duh!!
Tall or Short?	Tall!!
Love or Lust?	Love!!
Fruit or Vegetables?	Fruit of course
Ham or Turkey?	Ham!!
Red or Pink?	Red!!
Morning or Night?	Night
School or Church?	Neither...I hate both
Lights or No lights?	no lights
Silence or Noise?	Silence!!
Coffee or Tea?	Cofee!!
Breakfast or Dinner?	Neither!!
Evening meal or desert?	Desert!!
Shower or bath?	Shower!!
Working hard or Hardly working?	neither!!
With others or Alone?	Alone!!
Girly or Punk?	Neither!!
Tomboy or Girly?	...................Girly...I would rather like a girly girl than a tomboy
Black cats or Tabies?	Both!! they are both so awesome!
Dreams or Nightmares?	Nightmares!
Makeup or No makeup?	No make-up
When was the last time you....?
...cried?	Saturday....March 26
...hugged somebody?	Never....
...Listened to music?	everyday
...Sang loudly?	everyday
...Had a shower?	Everyday
...Had a bath?	3 years ago
...Kissed somebody of the same sex?	never
...Kissed somebody of the opposite sex?	never
...Smoked?	never
...Gotten high?	never
...Drank alcohol?	every week
...Smiled?	everyday...but I never mean them
...Talked on the phone?	yesterday
...Went to another country?	2 years ago
...Had fast food?	2 weeks ago
...Listened to the radio?	never
...Talked on an instant messanger?	Everyday
...Slept over at somebodys house other than your own?	1 year ago
...Went swimming?	3 years ago
...Sang a song?	everyday
...Watched a movie?	3 days ago
...Watched a scary movie?	3 days ago
...Got depressed?	everyday
...Licked your lips?	everyday
...Saw a movie at the cinema?	iono...
...You laughed?	everyday...same as smiling
...typed 'Lol' to somebody?	everyday
...cursed somebody?	everyday
...went on a holiday?	dont remember
...told a lie?	3 days ago
...was kissed?	never
...Had a bad dream?	never
...Was upset?	everyday
Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to bzoink!

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Sunday, March 27, 2005

   Happy!!!
I just got a new comp system....I now have a 17" LCD flat screen monitor and a windows XP home edition with anti-virus etc...It also already came with downloaded windows media player and AOL....I just had to fix the Webcam I got...oh and the comp package came with a printer/fax/scanner/copier...it is pretty badass....I am sooo happy.....I will post a recent pic of me now....i look like a child because I did my cute innocent child face XD



here is another pic I took right now...in this one i look tired....It took me forever to download AIM,YIM and MSN again ;-;

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Saturday, March 26, 2005

   I am alive.....
Even tho I overdosed on the medicine..I am still alive...I gues it wasn't strong enough....my mom and dad know that I did that....my mom was crying and my dad was yelling....My heart aches.....I broke up with dolly....I broke up with the only person I loved....I broke up with her for no reason.....what the hell is wrong with me......that is why I was suicidal....I promised my mom I won't hurt myself....I will try to keep that promise....Dolly gave up on me.....she didn't even call...usually when I am depressed she calls me and cheers me up...she didn't do it today.....she didn't even try *starts to cry*....fuck...I am crying.....Dolly doesn't care about me anymore.....She gave up on me.....sge was pulling me out of the darkness little by little but she just..let go......she didn't even try.......she lost all hope in me......I am fucking filled with tears right now.....God betrayed me.........What do i do now....I threw away the only person that ever helped me.....she doesn't even love me anymore.......I don't know what to do anymore.....I will just cry in my darknes.....I am all alone.....I was always alone.....Everything I saw was only an illusion......everyone gave up on me......
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Friday, March 25, 2005

   Overdose
I just overdosed on medicine...I will die soon......I don't feel really good....at least I will now die.....No one cares anymore...My mood swings makes people not care anymore....they don't take me serious anymore...well this time it is real....I am gonna die and that is the end.....I am still overdosing on medicine just this second......ugh.....I don't......................................................................................................dead
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