Wednesday, March 9, 2005

   FUCK!!!!
Today was my turn to feed the dogs and I brought the dog plates in and when I saw in one of them...I saw a fucking big ass cockroach. I yelled "Oh My fucking God" I got freaked out....Cockroaches are my biggest fear!!! they fucking freak the shit out of me....I am even afraid of my keybpard because there might be a bigass s[ider on it.....God....I hate cockroaches....My mom says that god or something was punishing me for doing something. I have done nothing wrong....It is my evil side....God hates me =\ blah....he is hating me again.......He is making me paranoid....I dont have a religion but my mom is forcing catholicism on me...she os saying not to bad mouth god...I didn't do it on purpose it just came out when I saw the big....crunchy...dirty....stinky.....ugly.....Cockroach......I am gonna have a fucking panic attack......Why cant god just kill me now....he loves to see me suffer....that bastard....GRRRRR I am pissed now.....Fuck my good side....Fuck everything that he stands for......Fuck you all......Dammit....Shit...my fucking mood swings.....this is triggering my evil side.....if my mom is saying god is doing this to me..then he is to blame....I have done nothing bad...I have been good lately...just my regular psychotic self....*sigh* Well I have gotten a new style of clothing...before I used to wear like really baggy pants and shirts I pulled my pants up but my pants were really baggy...not ganster baggy but just regular baggy.....but now I wear clothes not too tight or not too loose or baggy.....I look way skinnier..according to my best friend...I am not fat or obese or anything...I am likein the middle of skinny and fat....like regular you might say...I am pretty good looking but I scare the girls away ;-; my reputation as a psycho precedes me...I wish I could start over and act like myself....well too bad...I dont want any modern day chciks...they are too much into looks anyway....Dolly is perfect because she is not into looks and loves me a lot.....well ok I feel better now....Sorry about earlier...I was freaking out...well backk to girls......they dont like me because I am not "hot" and because I act too crazy...if they just got the chance to know me they will like me.....I am a natural born Romanticist....I am really romantic ^_^....well fuck them...their loss...I got the greatest Girlfriend in the world ^__________^ she is awesome....Well sorry I haven't been to yopur sites lately....I have been busy either doing h/w...by doing h/w I mean staring at the paer and not doing any work....and Today my friend came over and we were headbanging to Rammstein and Chimera.....oh!! I remember that onFriday I went to this Japanese bookstore and supermarket...it was awesome..they had sooo many wonderful things....the bookstore was packed with manga....it was everywhere @_@ they also had a little J-Rock section of music...it was awesome!!! in the market it had soo many goodies!! ^________^ well I g2g to bed now...well I am calmer now...the panic attack is gone and the mood swings have stopped...soo sorry about that....I wonder how my friends put up with me? poor Alex,Dolly,Ej,Alayna,Charmin,Vernice and Kimberly...oh!! that reminds me...I am a true outcast...even when I am with my little group of friends I feel like an outcast...I dont like being a loner because people notice you more....I dont like that...I hate almost everyone...I dont fit in with the rappers cuz I hate rap...I sometimes hang out with the punk rockers..but I hate fucking punk rockers they annoy me..I just kick it with them to not seem like a loner...I dont know where any other otaku's are...and even if I did I would not look like them..I dress like a rocker! I dress like a normal metalhead but I am a goth...not an industrial goth though..they arre gay and retarded...so I dont fit in with groups...I am better at 1 to 1....the only one I dont feel like an outcast with is Alex...because he is exactly the same way..he has had a rough life....he is skinnier than me though -.- I will soon get skinnier than him with my starvation diet :P well now I really g2g to sleep...goodbye to everyone and anyone who reads my mindless dribble.
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