Thursday, March 10, 2005

   I dont feel soo good......
I really dont feel sooo good...My head hurts for no apprent reason..maybe it was because I have been sick for like almost 5 months and I have not been to a doctor...I am hoping I might die....blah....My neck also hurts...I was headbanging yesterday and now my head hurts...I am pissed at everyone for no apprent reason....I have been getting easily pissed at everyone for no apparent reason....maybe it's because I hate you or something...I really dont know...my mind is going crazy...I am having mood swings....Evil thoughts are filling my head...they are telling me to break up with dolly (she is the only tie to my good side)...they are telling me to kill everyone...they are telling me to unleash the anti-christ in me....ow...my head hurts...I dont feel soo good....I want to be dead now....can I die now??? I want to die........can In kill myself????? GRRR these thoughts wont leave me alone....well here..I made a poem that expresses how I feel when lestat takes over....Whoever says lestat is not real is a retarded fucker....I am directing thatat EJ...(sorry EJ I am just pissed off at you).....I am mad at EJ because she says that Dolly doesn't act different when she is with them(her best friends)....to me she acts different....and when I am with Alex they say I act different...Everyone acts different when they are with their best friends...I think @_@...well
here is my poem.

I am the Dream Maker
The spirit of evil creator
Lord of endless nightmares
The beast of twilight despairs

My heart belongs to Evil
My thoughts are truly Black
Notting last's forever
and I will soon attack...

I can hear the demons call
from within my Inner Self
I can feel destruction roar
From beyond another world

Fear as I become possesed
To a beast with human detest
Cursed I will roam this earth
I'm reborn by the devil's birth

Shadows in the dark
Beast's to the full moon's bark
Those that evil breed
The son's of Satan's seed

A being of Evil Nature
Son of Death's creator
I am the one you fear
The master of your despair

Raised under satan's spell
Inpired by judgement bells
Now I am at war...
I'll make you Satan's Whore

I am the Anti-Christ
I am the Anti-Life

there that poem explains my Evil side fully....I hope now everyone understands how evil Lestat can be. well I am still confused....tommorrow I have therapy and then friday I go to court and then on Saturday and Sunday I wont be online. I will post but I wont IM people....I dont want to be bothered...but I need help...But I dont want any fuckers to talk to me.....blah......I wanna die =\

EDIT::
Clearing Confusion.....I want to die..but I dont want to kill myself...I want to get killed by someone or something.....I dont really give a fuck anymore.....I was never fit to be around people....I always do something stupid or retarded to make them hate me...blah.....Well from now on I will be not talking to anyone...not even my g/f...I will change my AIM sn so people dont talk to me....I will back away from everyone...I will post but that is all i'm gonna do online.....I wont kill myself...but I will cut again....I think...Today is the first time I cut in a long time....I was just playing around and I cut myself...I had forgotten how good pain felt...I will also starve myself..and some other stuff. :P dont worry...I wont die or anything...well me go to therapy now...



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