Saturday, March 12, 2005

   Wow
Yesterday my mom took away my phone privelages and she called AOL to stop my internet service...she also was trying to take my cell phone away...I did not let her....the whole ordeal happened because I did not want to feed the dogs....I was afraid that another cockroach will be in the dog bowls.....I actually did not yell at her...I was just in my room...being calm....she was the one yelling at me and saying all this shit...I was controlling myself before I made it worse...that actually was the worst case scenerio because she would not let me talk to dolly ;-; she was cutting me off from dolly....I was really sad...I did not want that....so I kept my cell phone in my hand and I did not let her take it....my cell phone was the only way I could contact dolly that is why I did not let her take it.....I was txting dolly while my mom was yelling at me.......then the phone rang and it was my sister....after 2 hours of talking to my sister she calmed down......she said to feed the dogs..she had already brought the plates in...so I just had to put the food in and take it back outside...so when I did that...we came to a deal..she said she brings the plates in and I fput the food in the plates and take it back outside...I accepted....She also made me take some cough medicine...I was hoping I could die...well too bad....so everything is good now...she is not mad anymore.....oh! and like when I woke up (2 hours ago) it's 7:00 and I woke up because of a nightmare.....I usually can control my dreams....but this one....It firsts started off as a regular dream....I was in a mountain and my whole family was in..we were going to someplace....and then the next thing I noticed I was at home and I kept seing this white figure in the corner of my eye...and the next thing I noticed I was sleeping and I woke up to an IM sound...I was to afraid to stand up..when I went to check someone just wrote "Sock" and when I looked behing me...I saw Satan and we had a conversation...he had just taken a soul to hell...he tricked the girl that wanted to go to hell to also take her sisters...and then he started talking to me...He kept scaring me..but over time..I lost my fright of him...he kept saying that god is a pussy because he does not show himself....I lectured him that god may not be real but he is there to guide us...he makes us work for happyness....lazy people are the ones that suffer because they want god to do everything for them...I lectured satan and made him go away...I said god and jesus will guide me and save me from hell....and then the ghost lady that was haunting my dream since it forst started finally shower her face...she was scary and she was trying to scare me...at first I was afraid but then I took the courage to rest her troubled soul....and then I woke up...whenever I sleep I sleep with my face buried under my pillow...I was still afraid but then I got the courage to put half of my face outside of the pillow....I am not scared of the dark...I am scared about someone stabbing me in while I am at my weakest state..when I sleep....when I woke up then I started talking to god....He did not speak but I knew he was listening to me...I told him that I dont praise jesus but I do love him as a brother...after all we are all brother's and sister's...I told him I did not want to die anymore...I told him I wanted to life...for Dolly....I told him I did not want him to take my life...I told him I wanted to live a good life with dolly...and right now my eyes are getting watery...I don't know why....I just remembered dolly...I remember how much I love her....I love dolly with all my heart and I cant bear the fact that if I die she will be all alone...I just now understand how much I mean to her...maybe I was in denial before...maybe I did not want to believe that someone loved me that much....I...I....I love Dolly...with every single fiber in my body....I love her more that words can say......My love for her is undercribable....My love for her will never die out....I may get mad at her...but I will never stop loving her...she will always be in my heart...She is all I want...she is all I need...She is perfect.....I want her to be happy with me...I want to create a life with her....I want to marry her....I....I want to stay together with her..forever........
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