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myOtaku.com: ShadowDarkness54


Friday, March 18, 2005

   People=Blind
I think people are blind @_@ Why does everyone keep saying i'm cute?? they must be weird or blind or something...I am ugly and fat and retarded and some other stuff...and my Magic Mountain trip was cancelled...some mishap happened at school...well at least I will have some time with dolly ^______^ I haven't had a decent conversation with her since monday...Tuesday I was suicidal and very very depressed....Wednesday I was kinda the same except a bit less emphasis on killing myself...and today (thursday) I am a bit clear headed...I told Julia if she really did want me happy then she would have to try to change....She is like me...very very suicidal exceot I am way more stubborn (according to dolly) and I see that as weird @_@....I can't believe I put dolly through my suicidal days....they must be really hard on her...I am sorry about that....I will vow to never be suicidal again...whenever I am depressed I will just keep thinking of the people I will hurt if I die....I care a lot about Dolly and Julia...but since I know dolly more and fell in love with her first...I lean towards her....I love dolly...I see her as my soul mate...I also love julia but if she keeps up the suicidal things..then I dont think it will work.....I need people to cheer me up...I really suck at cheering people up..I try and try to make julia happy..but it feels like I am trying in vain...it is really hard on me...and since I am the same way with dolly (except I am way more stubborn) I now know what dolly has been through....it sucks...I wonder why she puts up with me? she could have just ended our relationship...it is very confusing..but I am grateful she had patience with me...I dont have nowhere near as much patience as her >.< I am weirder...I get moody a lot...recently I have been getting really pissed easily....well depression is crazy...but it is overcomable...Dolly will help me out of it and I will try to get Julia out of it >.< even though I do a sucky job at it..well that is it..me go do my h/w...byes!
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