Thursday, July 6, 2006

ok, I'm having more fun than I thought I would ^^;;
ok I'm currently on a military base, with a pool giant computer lab so yeah I'll update every once in awhile. I'm staying with terri in a goverment house with a lady we're helping out named ruby, she busted her knee so we help her with her store ^^;; and let me say one thing, there is no sound proof on these houses what so fucking ever >< -shudders- I'm not going into detials. One thing that does urk me though is that since me and terri are 15 going to places with a soldier who is 43....things are siad to us -- one guy actually came up to her dad and asked "is younger better?" I wanted to kill him...I also had fun replacing a tire on the rental car >< terris dad pulls up to the amry lodge and out of nowhere hits the curb and we end up driving a car with a doughnut and three other tires 2 sizes bigger than it is! SO later today charley's going to go to the airport to exchange the stratus for something different seeing as how we wont be able to make it back to tennessee on a doughnut --;;
p.s. I AM about to delete that damned cbox...--;;
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Monday, July 3, 2006

   bye for now, be back later
I'm not going to be in tennessee for much longer I'm going to goergia to stay on a military base with terri and her dad, I should be back on the 15th. Me and terri we're going to have our own room and there is a spa and a computer lab so when I can I'll log on and tell you how things are going. I have to go cause I need to get away for awhile and we're leaving early tommorrow because their doing fireworks in geogia tommorrow and terri's dad says there better than tennesee's. I'll be the judge of that ^_~ well I have to go want go hang out with terri in the rain. Oh and a message for billy, I love you talk to you agina soon.
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Sunday, July 2, 2006

   nothing could have ruined my day today
I went to the fireworks today, i actually had a day to relax! I was actually finr until some people decided say hi to me that wasnt to happy bout seeing...but then I ran into chris and halley ^^ we went on the slip ajnd slide, had a silly string fight and got popcorn and threw it at eachother, I saw cody today also he had good news, he quit smoking (wish I could) ^^ also ran into anthony and his kids. Te fireworks were awesome and right now I'm going to go outside so...see ya
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Saturday, July 1, 2006

not the best time of my life...
ok when tasha moved her mom gave gardianship over to my mom and she became my older sister....well her stepdad evidently who has been in louisanna for 5 fucking months decides he's not going to let tasha be and gets an attorney and is trying to prove my mother is unfit to take care of both of us!!! To put things lightly I'm uberly pissed off...well cya
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Thursday, June 22, 2006

here's something fo ryou to fucking think about!
oh this post is just to explian some thing....about WHY I broke up with billy....this is a very touchy subject for me. Ok so far all I have haerd is "oh poor b...." when they even know the entire story! Ok something happened last year that I am none to fond of. I had been going out with billy for two days when it happened...actually not even 2 friggin days! I wake I go to school and find out that billy is going out with both me AND someone else! ok...now this fucking hurts like hell! alright?! it continued because I was stupid and I didnt open my mouth and say somethign and becuase I was hurt I turned and hurt the ones I cared about! I was freinds with jessica b, zoe, emilee clint and I HURT them. I shouldnt have I realize that and I apologize but karma has bitten me in the ass and I'm paying for it. I was hurt, now billy asks me "why didnt you say something?" my answer do that is, would it have mattered? No it wouldn't have. I know it wouldn't have so I kept my mouth shut and stayed in the dark corner like a good bitch, but I'm not going to do that anymore! Because I bottled up my anger and hurt the ones I cared about! It tooks it toll on me! Ok, Jessica bowmen, When I rode bus 91 there seats left she sat next to me at the time I hated everyone and had no intention on having many friends, I even tried to ignore her and occasionally glare at her but it didn't deter her any, she became one of my best freinds. Now When the shit between me and billy happened...I began to yell at her for no reason, say things about her and lie to her from time to time and I regret that. Then last valentines day I get a gift from billy, Im estatic ok? I try to say thank you and I get this reply "I can talk much my ex is over." to me that a fucking slap in the goddamn face ok? and before valentines day he said on goddamn sentence I will never to this day fucking forget. "no matter what I have the urge to go back to her." that fucking hurts too, now to this day still I have the same question run through my head "am I not good enough?" and I don't have an answer for it...I dont . I do know that I love him and he says he loves me. I broke up with him because I was scared. I didn't have any answers and I was looking for them. I still am. I am going back out with and trying to ignore the fear of it. Now I have to go and how bout the people who do not know the full story chew on this for awhile.
fucking sit on it and rotate bitch.
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   I have one amzingly fucked up life
this week has been very eventful, Tasha's mom has signed over gaurdianship over to my mom. So now i have an older sister ^^;; heh...long story very long. Tuesday me and tasha went over to brandons and got high with brandon and steven....I think we probly smoked 3 20 bags xD not my fualt! tasha tried to leave the room and I was following...and let me tell you something if you do not turn the nob you run into the door and it hurts! We went home then daniel came over with 2 six packs of beer and a twisted apple (its a type of vodka I love it!) and we basicly got trashed tuesday xD. Today I went with tasha to her nicotine class (kicking nicotine, befitting name huh?) and everyone there is from heritage and it doesnt surprise me at all. Whats worse I know everybody ^^;; tasha only has only 2 more classes and she gets her certificates then I have to take her to court so she can give them to the judge >< oi.... later today according to my mom and my brother (yes he's finnally moved in) I can smoke as long as I do not do it around my niece. I thought my mom would kill me when she found out I smoked....but actually shes pretty cool with it ^^;; but thats only becuase I told her the reason I started smoking, hey my life is starting to get better! well I have to go tasha wants to call donnie --;;; friggin boy crazy...
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Friday, June 9, 2006

   ...."just a tormented soul whos horrible."..or just a piece of mind? you tell me.
ok heres something i would like to adress today cause it seems to fit the moment.
At my old school I did not have one single true freind at all. Ok? Emilee Jessca b Jessica h. Clint and zoe...none ok the only friend I might consider real friends from there would be Nick and lisa. When I had moved to walland to get away from all the drama I didn't want to have to deal with, they threw a small party with a banner and a list...now This is immature and down right ignorant. everyone of them signed it. I had said I forgave them but I remembered something else my boyfriend dated me and his Ex at the same time...how did this happen? you may be asking...I'll fucking tell you what happened. His ex girlfriend called me saying my maturity was just an act i was pretending and that she wasnt going to let him go. Well She then had the audacity to ask "can we share him?" I never said yes if anything I said no. I go to school the next day and find out he's going out with both of us. That is a cut that will take many fucking years to heal.
here's some other things he has done. Sometime in fall he told me over the phone he didnt know what it was but he always will go back to his ex, thats another cut. Valentines day, He sent me 2 things I was going to tell him thank you, I got ahold of him and he said he couldnt talk. I asked why he said his ex was over, theres a slap in the face. THEN JUST last night he tells me I remind him of his ex. That was the last straw he had promised he wouldnt hurt me gaina last night he broke that promise. I hung up on him then 4 hours later I called back and broke up with him. I told him if he finds proof that he really loves me then I'll rethink what I have done, but until then he needs to look. now Everyone from my old school tells me I'm a horrible person a creature that shouldnt exist ect. well let me say something ok my mom has MS she is slowly dying...It breaks me everyday I look at her I have nightmares I can't sleep I wont sleep. I'm trying to help keep her alive cause she wont take her meds unless you make her. I have taken up things I wouldnt normally do I drink more than I use to I smoke whatever I can get my hands on I don't have a preference, I get high when I can to try and ease the pain a bit. Not to long ago I was at sandras house tasha came to me crying, I asked what was wrong she told me her mom kicked her out she had nowhere to go. I asked her to come with me, I asked my mom if she could stay with us, my mom siad yes as long as she goes by the same rules I do (and yes my mom knows we smoke) then everything fine. I go with tasha all the time to her house with her to make sure her mom doesnt hit her and I know that if her mom does hither in front of me I'm calling th cops with out a second thought in my head. Now you tell me, if I was truly horrible then why would I go out of my way to help someone?
billy, I do still love you but you have to find the proof that you love me too, only then will I'll undo everything. I forgive but I do not forget.
kat
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Thursday, June 1, 2006

   I actually have a cause for celebration!
I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -dances- YES! things are starting to look up for me...even if it is only an inch higher ^^;; I just have to get my 2nd job and my weekdays will be all screwed up, BUT if it means helping mom and getting the bills paid long enough for her to get better..SO BE IT! yeah yeah I'm a mommas girl bite me..though I am getting fed up with my brother, he's not making things easy he was supposed to be moved in with us 2 weeks ago! Now I have to freaking big plasma screen t.v's both his and no room for the other one because its not meant for a freaking trailor! oi....oh well....I guess I could be mean to him and pawn it xD hey it'd pay a few bills ^^;; well I have to get ready for work...cya
kat
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Thursday, May 25, 2006

   wow...I didnt realize I seemed so gloomy to my freinds...
Hamtaro8191 [10:53 PM]: okay
Hamtaro8191 [10:53 PM]: this ones for you bre xD
Hamtaro8191 [10:53 PM]: "My Outer Peace"


So together but so torn apart inside.
I have emotions, from everyone I must hide.
Although they shall never die,

Hamtaro8191 [10:54 PM]: On the outside I must keep them all a lie.
I must never release,

Hamtaro8191 [10:54 PM]: And lie my outer peace.
Shadowkitsune91 [10:55 PM]: O.o is that what i really seem like?
Hamtaro8191 [10:55 PM]: some of the time
Hamtaro8191 [10:56 PM]: now a days you seem to be more open
Hamtaro8191 [10:56 PM]: Going deeper, deeper,
Just hoping to bleed.
To cut out my pain, and misery.
Hamtaro8191 [10:56 PM]: To leave a scar for people to see
Then to hoping it doesn't heal,
Just so people can even imagine,
The pain I feel.
wow....I obviously must seem pretty sad alot...didnt know that till now
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   oi...more stress to add to my mind
yes..well as many of you may know my mother has multiple sclerosious (sp?) and its gotten pretty bad....she managed to break her rotar cuff tear some tissue and ligaments in her shoulder from your average everyday stumble because her muscles have turned to jelly because of the disease and she wont quit working or doing manual labor, so lately Ive been having to take care of her. shes going to be ok now because I'm FORCING her to take her meds from the doc making her either lay on the couch so she can watch T.v or bed when shes tired, sometimes I'll let her lay in the sun if her muscles are hurting her....the heat helps^^;; so lately I've been extremly busy keeping the house clean taking care of bills (meaning having to take money out of my college fund or borrow from bro.) cause she cant go to work, I quit my job a few weeks ago because I didnt share identical veiws with my boss so now I'm looking for a new one to help.I've also been calling john to make sure the porch and stuff gets built --;; getting ahold of that old geezer is not easy!I'm still dealing with the move, all mine and moms things are moved but seeing as how my brother his wife and my neice and nephew are moving in with us(got kicked out of his apartment), its taking longer than expected -.- I JUST got a phone line put in...working on getting a new phone because my mom did something to it and the thing wont even turn on anymore so...yeah....things are not going to smooth...one more thing to add onto that my friend mirressa has a concution! Don't ask how it happened long ass story....well I have to go make my mother take her meds...she wont take unless I force her too...well cya
kat
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