Thursday, June 22, 2006

here's something fo ryou to fucking think about!
oh this post is just to explian some thing....about WHY I broke up with billy....this is a very touchy subject for me. Ok so far all I have haerd is "oh poor b...." when they even know the entire story! Ok something happened last year that I am none to fond of. I had been going out with billy for two days when it happened...actually not even 2 friggin days! I wake I go to school and find out that billy is going out with both me AND someone else! ok...now this fucking hurts like hell! alright?! it continued because I was stupid and I didnt open my mouth and say somethign and becuase I was hurt I turned and hurt the ones I cared about! I was freinds with jessica b, zoe, emilee clint and I HURT them. I shouldnt have I realize that and I apologize but karma has bitten me in the ass and I'm paying for it. I was hurt, now billy asks me "why didnt you say something?" my answer do that is, would it have mattered? No it wouldn't have. I know it wouldn't have so I kept my mouth shut and stayed in the dark corner like a good bitch, but I'm not going to do that anymore! Because I bottled up my anger and hurt the ones I cared about! It tooks it toll on me! Ok, Jessica bowmen, When I rode bus 91 there seats left she sat next to me at the time I hated everyone and had no intention on having many friends, I even tried to ignore her and occasionally glare at her but it didn't deter her any, she became one of my best freinds. Now When the shit between me and billy happened...I began to yell at her for no reason, say things about her and lie to her from time to time and I regret that. Then last valentines day I get a gift from billy, Im estatic ok? I try to say thank you and I get this reply "I can talk much my ex is over." to me that a fucking slap in the goddamn face ok? and before valentines day he said on goddamn sentence I will never to this day fucking forget. "no matter what I have the urge to go back to her." that fucking hurts too, now to this day still I have the same question run through my head "am I not good enough?" and I don't have an answer for it...I dont . I do know that I love him and he says he loves me. I broke up with him because I was scared. I didn't have any answers and I was looking for them. I still am. I am going back out with and trying to ignore the fear of it. Now I have to go and how bout the people who do not know the full story chew on this for awhile.
fucking sit on it and rotate bitch.
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