Sunday, April 9, 2006

First and foremost, I don't how long it'll be this post, it may be short or perhaps long, its almost 2 am, I'm exhausted/lethargic, although I do need to pour my thoughts on here or I explode as well heh.
So that's why I'm telling you first hand, read it if you want, if you don't its alright I don't care.


In this last few days its been a tremendous pressure, very stressfull and very body strenght/mind consuming too, ya know since the work I'm doing demands lifting some heavy stuff/cleaning/keep smilling and cheerfull as ever when you do feel like collapsing to the floor lol, but the company its not really bad.
I have quite a laughs there almost everyday and some people even do make me feel better everytime I do something wrong [I get pretty annoyed with myself when I error heh I'm quite perfeccionist I think], though I'm still on the two weeks tryout ya know, and its really stressfull to give your best everyday and show how good you are for that job for at least keep it for next months not like forever but just for a couple of months. Its quite tiring and the stress of doing it so heh almost kill me, things at home are a bit strange lately too, I don't want to talk about that, its personnal and I'm sure is just a phase, it'll pass.
And of course to keep things even more complicated and also keep the stress higher I feel like I'm against the wall with a sword in my throat and someone's ready to strike depending on my answer.
I've got another place where I was invited to work, its far more lighter than what I'm doing now, maybe less stressfull, BUT I don't seemed to like the people who were working there, they looked at me like I was somekind of....hmmm I don't know, they seemed like snobs? Don't get me wrong maybe someone who's snob are nice as well, but ya know, the people I work with now treat me so nice, I'm the very first 20 year girl they had working there, they really care for me, their even are cheering me to give my best at college and never give up my dreams and just keep dreaming and living on, never looking back or regreating ever what I've done before, "past is past there's no need to keep remind it, just look forward for the future and live the fullest the present", one of them told me that. I'm like their baby girl ya know? I feel really loved and cozy there, even though the job are bellow my degree of intelligence, its not challeging is just quite simple hard at the sametime and annoying sometimes too.
Besides I gave them my word, I feel like they will do all they can to keep me there for the time being you know till school beguins and stuff.
But mom keeps telling me it might not happen and I should decide to leave and grab the other job while I still can, I know she wants me the best, I know that I may be better at the other job, though will I be treated like those nice middle ladies treat me?And most of all will they let me stay there for the months I'm asking for?

I have till tuesday to decide what should I do, and this is killing me, I haven't told the ladies about the other job proposal and everytime I go to work I feel like I'm lying to them and that just...kills me.
Part of me beggs me stay, but my body beggs me to go away....I just don't know what to do, I can't think straight anymore. I wanna make everyone happy, the ladies, my family, the job guys, and in the end myself.
I hate pressure, I hate to decide, I always choose the wrong choice, always!And I always suffer so hard after... this is just to much...

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Thursday, April 6, 2006

Thursday, April 6, 2006

So here I am with a cup of coffee in one hand, typing this with the other, while some myotaku-er music plays on the background aand its only 3 pm, yep today's my day off and I spent it most of the day sleeping in.
*laughs*
It wasn't so bad in fact after sleeping more then 14 hours I still feel pretty tired eh, but anyway today's my day and I came on after some cleaning and chatting with someone who lives besides me [if you looked at a map there is], haha.
I know I've been popping now and then and updating about random stuff and I haven't told you anything that is happening or happened around my corner of the world for a long time now, haven't I?

Gosh boys and girls there's so many things that I could talk about yet at the same time I don't think there's anything worth to really share with you. Its not like things are going on a uneventfull way, it has been quite an adventure, ups and downs, laughs and sadness too, its been quite a rollercoast of emotions lately but you know what? All that belong to the pass so no need to talk about it anyway, right?

Besides today when I came here I was presented with wonderfull news from a dear bishie of mine finally life is going in the right way, and boy does he looks so happy now, knowing that makes me feel really happy for this person, truly, trully happy. ^___^

Talking about on a more healthy manner, the swallowings and infections are finally over, I've been infection-free for a couple of days now so I'm glad also relieved with that, I can finally drink my green tea but I haven't ate my ice-cream yet, because we don't have any, I've been craving for some lately its been over 3 months since I last tasted some of it, and that makes Shadow sad. I've also been able to read everyone last posts I've lost quite a few it seems.Knowing how everyone's doing makes my mind on ease, I've also catched up some people on in msn as well, that makes me happy as well.
[Vicksta love, I can't wait to read more of your awesome story tonight, its gonna kick some ass I bet!^_~].
Unfortenaly it seems I won't be able to catch some people I was so looking forward to talk to, its been like 2 months and half we haven't chatted? I miss our chats and your funny adorable person as well "you know who you are" person, aw well sometime soon, sometime soon. Just don't you end up forgetting about this corner of the world though, or I'll kick you *laughs*
Do your best on what you have to do!^_~d

*scrolls up*...Ahh lord, I just noticed I've been babling random stuff, haha sorry about that =P Its okay if you don't read this, I won't get mad if you don't eh, and if you do end up reading this thank you so much for still sticking with it and reading this very crappy babbling, me loves you for that! <3


Have a great day/night.

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Wednesday, April 5, 2006

Wednesday, April 5, 2006

Tomorrow's my day off!! I can't wait!
I miss you so whoever misses me can catch me here and on msn tomorrow. ^_~

*laughs*

Yesterday was my pretty sunflower lady second MyOtaku anniversary go visit [her].

Happy 2 years anniversary love. Excited with our upcoming birthday? =P
*giggles*

Have a great day/night. <3

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