Wednesday, April 13, 2005

It make you wonder...XD

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Monday, April 11, 2005

Mood: GoodTime: 04:18 p.m


Nyhao!^.^
I read you're comments and you're so right!People do change and in two years a lot can happen as well...
Maybe i never want to understand his reason or even tried, he wanted to talk after 4 years and i refused, i refused to listen what he had to tell me, now that i think about it without my feeling interfering, maybe he was trying to explain why he act like that, but i kept saying that i didn't want to know, which is a lie, because i want to...
I'm still a bit confused, maybe the way i act towards him wasn't the best, everyone diserves a second change right?
So maybe i'll go talk to him and hear what he has to say, giving him another try...and end this for good!

Anyway let's change subject because you might be tired to read my ranting about this, gomen ^.^;;
Uhmmm so what can i writte about it?*thinks* I had something to tell but it just skip my mind, i can't remember ^^''...oh wait....nope ~_~''
Well maybe its time for me to go cause in half an hour i have to go to the doctor ^.^
arigatu for your comments and your help, i really apreciate it!!*big group hug*



Shadowlight out...
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Saturday, April 9, 2005

Ara, ara…
I made everyone worried, I have to tell myself this not a diary or something like that, I have to learn to restrain this things to myself, gomen…
It looks unreal, something taken from a movie or anime? Yeah my life sometimes looks like that, but unfortenaly doesn’t end happy like most movies…
I did encounter someone that in the past hurt me deep, I tried to forget and I thought I forgot, but guess I was wrong… >___>
It was so awkward to see him again, after all this years, we talk but I will not write what we talked, because it’s to emotional and kind of melodramatic ^^’’
I think I need to give an explanation after making you all worried with me, (which I really thank you, and appreciate*hugs*).
This guy was my very first and true love I ever had, sure I had other boyfriends and such, but this was a true feeling, we knew each other in kindergarten, I was so afraid and crying a lot when my mother left me there on the first day, i thought my mother left me there for good, although she kept saying that it was just for a few hours (mind you my mom always stayed at home when I was little, but after my little sister was born, she had to work, since we need more money), so i kept crying all the time, and hide myself in a corner, all day long, until a little boy came closer and start talking to me, swept my tears away and share some of his toys with me, he was the first friend I made, awwww I remember that day, like it was yesterday *nostalgic*
So you imagine what happened next, we begun to be friends, then best friends and was always together, he was such a sweet guy and my best friend and cute too ^^….
So the years passed by and we stick together, in the bad and good times…until one day it was time to say goodbye since it was our last year we were going to be in that school, so in the last day I was crying so hard, (I always hate goodbyes), sweet as he was he said that we we’re going to be together always, so we made a promise, when we were old enough, we were going to do whatever we could to be together again, and then get married and have lots of sons, a promise made by a child, yes it looks silly but back then I really believe it, since he looks so serious…
Two years past after that moment and we were apart, in that time I tried to find him, but never did, so I kept that promise in my hearth, after two years we finally were in the same school, I was so happy when I saw him, I run to him and hug him like the old times, but he was different, he was cold, and he barely gave me a smile. I thought maybe he was embarrassed the way I act, so I kept still, we talk but it was like talking to stranger, he was so cold…
So we saw each other more times, but what he said two years ago couldn’t stop popping in my mind, so in our long and usual silent’s I asked him if he remind what he said in the last day two years ago, but he didn’t, so I told him everything the promise, but he kept still not talking at all, until he suddenly interrupt me and with despise in his eyes he said that it was a stupid promise made by a child, that I was foolish to even believe in that in my age, and we could never be together because he was rich and I was poor, and things like that, he kept talking, insulting me, yelling at me, he made me feel the worst person in the world, my heart was so hurt, I just kept hearing that and tears kept falling off my face, the boy I meet two years ago died, at least for me because that was not the boy I trust and loved, so when he finished, I talked back I told him what I felt about him, and told that back then the boy I meet never cared about money, if he was rich or if I was poor, that boy loved me for who I was and not my social stature, but now I realized that he was dead, that the guy were standing in my front was a complete stranger.
From that day on, the love I felt begun hatred, then pity, then nothing….so now after all this years he come back and got the courage to even look at me, the feeling the memories came back, I felt hopeless,tThe guy that used to make me feel the most special person in the world, made me feel now the worst once again....

Maybe I never deal with what I felt before, like I never confront myself with what I was feeling, and why everything ended that way, I just wanted to forget, to put in the past, to live better with myself, because it was to painful to even think about it….and well, like my grandmother used to say: ”If you don’t confront what you have in your way now, and you run from it, the past will hunt you down, someday, more aggressive and comes when you last expect!”

I know all this sounds silly especially the promise and it was not necessary for me to tell you this, so it was my choice to tell you, because I thought I should tell you this, maybe it’s away to finally confront what happened, my way to finally understand why this still hurts so deep…

Anyway it’s a good way also for you to know me better ^^ *lol*, but don’t worry, I am fine now, life is this way, so maybe I needed to finally put an end on this for good, I guess…

I’m so sorry if I made you all worried with this, it was a stupid thing to put that up, I know is my site, but something’s should not be talked here…

Gomen also for my long post ^^’

all!!*hugs each of you tight*
Shadowlight...
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Friday, April 8, 2005

Can't you hear my scream?....inside i'm falling apart....

Today was a normal day, school, work, and went out with my old friends, it was so great to see all of them again,, everything was runing well and i was having fun like the old time, and then...something had to ruin that...right in front of me...the past was trying to enter my life again...someone i trust, loved cared and hurt me the most, was back and after all this years, and all he said before, he was there, looking at me and acting like nothing had happened...
How could him even look at me?
Him:We need to talk...

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Thursday, April 7, 2005

Mood: Better, the hugs helped me a lot!!^_^


Kown-ban!I feel much better today, still i look like an ice woman, i have tons of ice stuck to my arms to make, its quite funny, my brother Flávio and i joke a lot with my patetic situation XD
Speaking of my bro, he was really so nice with me, he clean the house and make dinner for me, well he help my dad, since he's a real bad cooking( my brother) XP
So i just did nothing, watch some anime and played GT4 (Gran Turismo4) with him, he might be a bad cook but he sure is a good driver, i lost all the time U.U, dang >.<
Anyway i still have some pain in my arms but not like a good pain killers can help it, i hate pain killers, but its better then having pain ne? ^^;;
Gosh so i wasn't the only one who pass trough a situation like that O.o++, what is happening with the doctors, it supposed to cure us not kill us =.='
Well time to leave you guys with another piccie...



Shadowlight with ice out*laughs*...
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Wednesday, April 6, 2005

   Mood: I think i need a hug.x__X....a big one.... ^_-


If someone ever say to you " the cure makes you feel better!", its a lie, a big fat lie!!*shakes fist furiously*
After returning from the Hospital this morning i still feel sick, my arms were torture there, their full of bruisers (sp?), i'm typing the keyboard with one finger, yes you can laugh because its funny XD *lol*, anyway i can't eat because everytime i put something in mouth i trow up and i fell dizzy @.@, and all that in name of future doctors!! >____>
Yes you heard in the name of future doctors, seven to be precise!>,>
Oh!Let me give you an advice first, if you ever go to an hospital (which i really hope you don't need to go to one, because i don't want to see you sick), and you see a bunch of young doctors coming your way, runs as faster as your little legs can carry you, because you really don't want to have them around you
not even near you, and if you let, your gonna be hurt, like i was X.x++
That's why i have so many bruisers in my arms, they've been practising in me, just to put me on serum =.=, (they couldn' find my veins), so don't ever, EVER let them catch you, they are evil, EVIL i say!*shakes fist more furiously*
But hey i contribut to the Medicine ne?^_~ *lol*
So a hug would be nice ^________^ *lol*

Now...what can i say about your comments?You know how much i love and apreciate them nd you know as well how much i adore all of you! I love you all this much!!!*wide open arms as much as she can*
Arigatu!!*bows*



Shadowlight out...



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Tuesday, April 5, 2005

   Mood: Horrible!!!
Argh!To much pain, my head hurts, my stomach hurts!!>.<
I feel so horrible!*=.=
I can't handle it anymore*cries*

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Sunday, April 3, 2005

Mood: Good...since i'm listening the opening song of Naruto i just love it!^^*dance*


Ouch!I burned my self eating noodles, maybe was to hot >.<, (ahah such a radom way to open a post ne?XD)
Anyway i just finished visiting and comment on every friend that update, i still need to go to my gb and see all those entrys there,, i've been neglecting them for quite awhile now >.<, i fear it would have many of them, got to do that since i have sometime (gomen to all that signed ), just need some courage ^^''
Anyhoo i can't upload my drawings, i have lots of them to show to you, but i can't it allways says that i have some problem >,>, need to check that out as well...
And school will beguin tomorrow*sigh*, so no more free time for me for awhile ~_~, well it was good until it last so now i just have to get used to the new routine, and school end in 3 months then summeer vacations!!Still i have nationals exams in July and June *sigh*
Okie enough orr my rambling and rant, time to me to check all those entries....



Shadowlight out...
[Edit:Yeah probably everyone knows by now, that the Pope died, my deepest sympathy to all catholics people -_-]
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Saturday, April 2, 2005

   Mood: So and so...
I'm sure everyone are confused when they read my previous post eheheh gomen ^^''
Well it quite simple, when i post the first time i was so happy and excited because i was talking to a good friend of mine, that i haven't talked or saw for like 2 years!!!So he was never on in msn but yesterday he show up and we had a very funny chat, he's pretty good with Html and computer stuff so i talked about my site and that i had no idea what to put up, so me and him, start playing around and then after i read the post and well it was kinda silly even for me ^^''
Awwww good friendship!XD
So i delete everything and wrotte that ^.^ eheheh ^//^´´
Oh and about my mood thing, well my stomach acke return, maybe i should go to a doctor or something >,<
Btw i'm glad you like my water pic ^-^
Well i'm off now, oh wait i had something more to tell you.....argh...i forgot!<.< Oh yeah remembered again!^.^'' what you think about the comment box thing?Well i like some changes but others >.>''
Now instead of a piccie how about a puzzle piccie time?^.~

Shadowlight out..
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Friday, April 1, 2005

Happy April Fools day!!!!^.^
[Edit:I deleted everything that was in this post, it was really kinda stupid, , i just got carried away to much i think,gomen ^^'']
Hope you have a good April fools day!^^

PS:For you to download and see the pic, pass real fast your mouse and it you can see, its pretty cool, you know its magic!^_~, please wait until it download you will not regreat it!^^
Shadowlight out...
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