myOtaku.com: ShadowLight

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1985-04-28
Gender
• Female
Location
• Portugal - Azores
Member Since
• 2004-02-11
Occupation
• A hopeless dreamer, a joyfull tea drinker and Graphic Design Apprentice.
Real Name
• Shadow

Personal

Achievements
• Having ice-cream
with Someguy
Goals
• Somewhere where I can touch the sky
Hobbies
• Being silly.
Talents
• Being silly, a klutz, a mindreader....
I can think of the wittiest things but I'm unable to phrase anything at all

myOtaku.com: ShadowLight

Wednesday, July 6, 2005

Updates
Time of Post: 12:30 p.m
Listening to: Nothing
Mood: In deep thought…
Today I’ve decided not to babble around about my day, but instead to share with you my deep thoughts and rant a bit because I kinda need it, it might sound confusing or maybe stupid what I’ll say forward, so I really don’t mind if you stop here, its your choice after all ne?

Some of you already know, my mother’s been ill for almost a month now, in this moment she’s on the hospital waiting for her surgery, she got worse those last days so the doctors decided to do it, I could not accompany her because I need to take care of my little sister and brother (he’s afraid of hospitals), I wish though I could be with her right now, but I’m relieved to know my other brother and father are there with her.

It’s a simple surgery, nothing that big and it’s not the first time, she have done it before, of course I can’t say I’m not worry, I am, even though she’s a bit weak due to her illness, she’s a strong lady and she’ll be just fine, I know it…the only thing that keeps me thinking was something she asked me this morning. She has never done this before and it kept me thinking and somehow scared me….
All of us woke up around 07 a.m, me and my sister helped my mother picking her clothes to wear after the surgery and all the basic things, then my mother asked if my sister could pick up something upstairs, me and my mom were alone in my parents bedroom, she sat next to me and hand me a little jewellery box, I open it and all the rings she uses (her marriage ring, fiancé ring, and the ring my father offered her when they celebrated their 25 years of marriage), we all know when we’re going to a surgery we can’t bring jewellery with us, so it wasn't surprising but when she said “I want you to keep this safe, and if something happens to me, you know what to do…”, I almost fell down, well in fact I did felt like I was falling inside, (she had some complications due to anaesthesia before, but it was some minor complications), as every son or daughter I said she was exaggerating, I comfort her as much as I could, saying she will be fine, she has done it before and she always comes back to us safe and sound and this time will be the same, and when she comes back home I'll hand her rings again, of course as all son or daughters I avoided to talk about it…
What could I say? Should I just noded and accepted what she was trying to ask me? She never talked about this before, I really wasn't counting…
I’m 20 years old I should by now thought or worried about this at least one time, but I never did, maybe I did but being such a hard subject for me it was more easy to avoid it. I only want is to spend all the time I have with them, they are my world, and like I always say “ they are my floor, if they disappear I will fall”.
I don’t know maybe I’m being selfish...I really need to think more about this.
I better stop now or I'll begin to sound even more stupid about this, anyway I’m really sorry if this sound strange coming from me, I thought I should share this with you, since myotaku is full with young people, I want to know what you think about this, did you parents ever talked with you about when they pass away, their wants or their will?
Also I want to thanks everyone who read this entire post, thank you so much….
[Edit: My brother called me, my mother’s surgery end and she’s resting now, everything run well a, she’s okay ^_^]

Shadow’ out…

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