well
just got back from the pub
and when i was there i felt the urgent need to educate the public in the secrets of restaurants. for you peoplez who have never been insiders, you may find this info *useful*... or at least, interesting.
for you peoplez who have been insiders, feel free to share your own experiences in the form of a comment.
RESTAURANT SURVIVAL FOR DUMMIES
1. be very nice to your server. though you may not realize it, he/she holds your life in his/her hands. he/she can do any number of things to your food, keep you waiting for it, or assorted other evil things.
2. be even nicer to the hostess. she has almost absolute power. she can make you wait for a table, make sure your table is in fact NOT clean, and tell your server to do any number of things to your food.
3. don't make stupid jokes. the average number of people who come into a restaurant per night who make the 'joke' "table for 17 please" then laugh like it's funny is about 15. nobody wants to hear it. it wasn't even funny the first time.
4. THINGS THAT MAKE YOUR SERVER HATE YOU:
a. being rude (obviously)
b. "just coming for dessert"
c. sitting there for hours when they could have a new group
d. leaving a tip of five dollars after staying for two hours
5. your server will spend a minimum of thirty seconds cussing you out after you've left.
6. love the bartender. he/she puts up with you for hours while you're drunk and annoying.
7. love the bus-person. APPRECIATE the bus-person. and for god's sake, don't leave them a bigger mess to clean up than you have to.
8. if you hear screaming from the kitchen, nobody died. it's just the cook yelling for a server.
9. THE KITCHEN STAFF
a. it's hot and unbearable back in the kitchen, tempers rise with the temperature
b. when they're not making food, the cooks chase each other with knives or throw raw seafood at people
c. ordering food automatically makes the cook hate you.
d. it also makes them hate your server, but the difference is, the server is the only one who will ever know, seeing as he/she is the one who gets assaulted by colorful swearing.
e. if ever you walk by the kitchen, walk by quickly and don't dawdle in the doorway; you run the risk of being accidentally whacked by a ballistic missile thrown by an employee in a "mood".
10. you're a brat if you insistently ask the hostess how long the wait for a table is and expect her to somehow predict the future right there in front of you.
11. people who make lewd remarks to waitresses, hostesses, or bus-girls go straight to hell.
12. the staff of a restaurant goes through more in one shift than you can possibly imagine; their memories, tempers, and smiles must remain intact for hours on end. therefore, tip, and don't be cheap. :)
THIS MESSAGE BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE SOCIETY FOR THE PROMOTION OF HARD-WORKING PEOPLEZ
secret lives of restaurant staff