Tuesday, January 24, 2006

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Some much time has passed. So many things have took place since last I posted.

And I still wonder...

Did it all really happen?

Or was it just a dream?

Because lately I've been confusing my reality with dreams.

You see last night I knew...or I thought I knew that my sister still slept soundly in the room next to me and my mom down stairs.
but with morning came these painful torrents of realizations
and haunting memories.

I don't have a sister anymore.
They took her away...

Because of they said my parents couldn't 'adequately' care for her.

But I cared for her.

And now I'm all alone at my uncle's house.

Thinking...

Did it all really happen?

And then I finally understand what they mean when they say:

"You don't know what you have till it's gone"


~ShadowsOfAngels~



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Tuesday, November 22, 2005

I have terrible luck!
Thursday at school, I broke the scab on my cut because some dumb ass moron in the hallway bumped into me, making me run to the corner of a locker! It started bleeding all over the place so I had to go to the nurse's office.
Then the nurse called my mom and she found out about the condition I was in, which eventually led to her learning about the fight the other day. And then I got dragged to the doctors office.

What a nightmare.

The entire time my mom was fussing and screaming at me.
I've never seen her so mad before. She kept ranting about what the hell was I thinking and why didn't I tell her.
Seeing how she reacted I don't know how she can even ask me that.

Now she won't even look at me
and I'm grounded for eternity.

Aghh I feel terrible. I think I'm gonna die!



...I hope things are better for you guys.



†~ShadowsOfAngels~†





"Numb" By Linkin Park

i'm tired of being what you want me to be
feeling so faithless
lost under the surface
i don't know what you're expecting of me
put under the pressure
of walking in your shoes
[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
every step that i take is another mistake to you

i've
become so numb
i can't feel you there
become so tired
so much more aware
i'm becoming this
all i want to do
is be more like me
and be less like you

can't you see that you're smothering me
holding too tightly
afraid to lose control
cause everything that you thought i would be
has fallen apart right in front of you

[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
every step that i take is another mistake to you
[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
and every second i waste is more than i can take

but i know
i may end up failing too
but i know
you were just like me
with someone disappointed in you




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Wednesday, November 16, 2005

How was my day? Great.
...Today I got in a fight after school.
And I wasn't the one who started it.
Some ass wipe tryed to push me around.
I will say this.
I won, barely.
And I know I won't be pushed around by him again.
I feel no satisfaction from winning,
Dammit.
I have a black eye and cut on my arm as well as other bruises.
I don't want my mom to see them. It will be Hell to pay if she does! The cut I can hide but the black eye...?! She isn't home yet, I'm going to go to bed before she does.


DAMMIT WHEN IS LIFE GOING TO STOP BEING SO FUCKING HARD!!!


"I tried so hard and got so far
but in the end it doesn't even matter

I had to fall to lose it it all
but
in the end it doesn't even matter"









†~ShadowsOfAngels~†




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