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myOtaku.com: Shallow Heart


Friday, August 24, 2007


Well......you know how I said my grandma was doing okay? but she had an irregular heart beat? Well...My grandma smokes a lot...she's been smoking since she's been 20....she's 75 now. From what I was told the smoking is ruining her lungs and....

her heart's failing..........

that hit me like a ton of bricks today...As much as she upsets me, and as much as I didn't like living with her..I don't really want her to die..and I guess im realizing how scary this must be for her...I haven't visited her since yesterday....even though my family's been there three times. I can't. I don't want to see her. not like this. not....I HATE death...I hate it so much.

That's it. It's all I can take. If I lose lauren...I'm done. I'm finished. with everything. I have a father that didn't want me. A mother who's ashamed of me because I LOVE someone with all my heart but because she's a SHE it's obviously not right because god know's LOVING someone is a sin. Who are they to judge? Who is my mother to tell me that I'm "confused" When she doesn't know the pain I feel at night, she doesn't know how hard I cry being away from the one person in the world that get's me completley..the one person I love more then anything...the one person that deserves so much greatness in her life and yet get's so little. if I lose that...if I lose her......I can't take it anymore.

*sigh* she......she knew?

Anyways......I got some school work done today ^_^ -_- History is a pain in the ass so i googled half the answers again....Im NOT reading 100+ pages about some shit I don't really care about. BURN HISTORY.

Imma goo....Im getting math help...so see ya,

˘žjenny

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