Thursday, October 25, 2007

post
ugh i cant even type without my sister looking over my shoulder..

yesterday my dad died.. He didnt really die it was more like he killed him self..yeah lets go with that. My mom found him hanging in the garage when she was going to take my sister to school. I'll save you the gory details..but hes dead and theres nothing i or anyone can do about it...no, my dad didnt killed him self depression killed him. and i'll be lucky if it doesnt take me as well. Another funeral, except this one hits a little to close to home and i really hate it i want to go to sleep and wake up and this will have never happanedf. god theres so much i want to get out right now but i have to go to a funeral home in 10 minutes so im not even going to begin to try im sure i'll type out something on my livejournal or blogspot.. I dont know i just cant take being in my own head right now..

Lauren broke up with me last night, she said she wants to be alone. I lost two people in one day. i dont think i even realize that i lost lauren but then of course i think i lost her a long time ago. just like my dad lost him self and just like im losing my self. death is hard enough but when someone kills them self on purpose not caring what hell they're putting their family threw its just cruel. To be honest im mad at my dad, i knew something was wrong though he had called me the night before and asked me to come home from a friends house and i was nothing but rude to him. what kills me inside the most is that i didnt even get to say goodbye. thats what kills me the most at least if i would have got to tell him i love him one more time i wouldnt be taking this so hard. i loved him. I loved him so much and now hes gone and just like my story says..."daddy died today and a little piece of me went with him"

My laptop also crapped out on me and wont work anymore so my mom had to go out and buy me a new computer we got one for 500 dollars. Its really nice as far as i know and it didnt take me long to hook it up at all. I went to my uncles house last night because no one wanted to sleep at home and i will never ever go back to his house its crawling with bugs and if you know me you know i hate bugs. I despise them.

one person has been sticking by me threw all this..Stephy. ^_^ I love her a lot and it means so much to me that shes willing to...take care of me when i need someone.. I put her threw so much though and i really feel bad. haha she was right though, about everything. shes always right..shes amazing. and i hope you know that steph.

*sigh* I have to go now.. Its so hard to even exsist anymore, but i am.. for my mom and for..well someone ^_^

I...think it'll be okay. If i learned one thing from this it was to never ever ever ever take life for granted and hold on to the people you have because before you know it they all could be gone.

¢¾jenny
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