Saturday, July 30, 2005

   WTF?
Sorry I didn't post last night like usual. I didn't really feel like it. My family was pissing me off. My glass was on the table, right? Kyle spills it on accident and everyone's freaking cause it got on Erik's phone and shit. So I just mumbled "it's not my fault". and then my mom's like "Yeah, right. NOTHING is ever YOUR fault."
And that just way pissed me off. "FINE THEN IT IS MY DAMN FAULT!" And I go in my room. I turn off my lights, get cozy on my bed, and turn on my yummy hate music and just sing with it. I'm talking about Evanescence, Three Day's Grace, Papa Roach, etc. Then maybe a half hour later, Erik pops his head into my room. I ignore him. Then he flicks on my light. So, even though I know it's a major no-no in my house(not like I give two shits) I yell "God dammit Erik! Get the hell out and leave me ALONE!!!" So I jump up, turn off my light and slam my door in his face. Later I come out and grab myself some food. Everyone knows I usually eat out at the computer cause I just do. So, on purpose, he goes out on the computer RIGHT after I come out. So I just stand there and glare katanas into his back and my mom tells him to get off cause she knows he did it on purpose. So he does but I was still pretty unhappy for the rest of the night. Sorry, Lyss, I bet you didn't even know....kind of like the other day...we were talking, laughing, doing our RP...but I was actually crying, and you didn't know that either. That comes from thinking too much...thinking about my dad too much.

Anyways, I had an unhappy dream last night, too. I was working at the Jewel or something(Jewel Osco. I don't know how many of you have those in your states, but it's a grocery store)and then Zac(my most recent ex-boyfriend) shows up. And we hug and stuff as if we were still together and then some of the people there were talking to us and stuff. It was weird, but then...but then, while it was happening, in the dream, I felt...loved. And safe...but then suddenly I'm outside with my mom. I forget, but she said something to make me angry and I threw down this pretty box I had bought her...then I ran. It was sad...

On an angry note, I was woken up this morning to my mom telling me my step sister is going to visit here today. I'm ready to verbally kick her ass and my mom says I should hash it out with her. So...whatever. I'm not gonna be nice to hell. To hell with that. She used to be like a real sister to me. Every time she'd call "Hey, sweety, it's Pam." And i'd go over there sometimes and stuff. But now...she's so different. Oh well. Maybe she can give Erik shit and get away with it, but not me. I have no respect for her anymore, so if she gives us shit I'm gonna give it right back. I don't care if I make her cry-hell, I HOPE I do. I know, I'm mean. But she deserves it, too. Ah well.

On another side note, I couldn't mow Reenie's lawn yesterday cause she doesn't have the key-her husband does and he's on a male bonding outing with his son. So. I just ended up sitting around over there till 8:30 or something. Reenie's birthday is sunday, so monday her, and her friend loxy are going to the movies, then to get ice cream. She invited me to go with. It's strange...you know? They're adults, technically, I'm not.

Shit, they're here. I'm gonna go. She brought her two kids...I can be an ass, but not that much of an ass....I'll yell if I ahve to, but otherwise I'll be calm about it...as much as possible. i don't want to...ya know, with her kids here. *sigh* Ja ne.
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How can you see into my eyes
Like open doors?
Leading you down into my core
Where I've become so numb...
Without a soul...
My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold...
Until you find it there
And lead it back home...

(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me...)
Call my name and save me from the dark
Bid my blood to run
Before i come undone
Save me from the nothing I've become...
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I figure this picture fits.
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