Saturday, July 30, 2005

   so...wrong...
It was...so much different than I thought...I...I was so wrong...Erik really made them out to be the abd guys when he saw them and...and I....I thought all these things...but now...her, her husband, and her kids being here...talking...explaining what's been happening...I feel so terrible I was so wrong....I'm crying now...I've been so terrible...I've thought all these bad things about them...I just....I'm so fucking terrible...

It wasn't like I thought at all...and they...they never stopped caring...I knew the whole time....I...but now I know it for sure. I was so angry at her....for not being here....but...she's still my sis....and she loves me and she always has, even though....even after everything....And Dave, he cares too. He always has and he's always been so nice. He hugged me and told me that if I ever need anything, to call...that if Erik ever tries to hit me to call him and he'll beat Erik's ass and explain to him that you just don't hit girls/women. They're not....they're not bad people at all. All thsi time I thought they were just running away while we had to face it, but they were having a really hard time, too...her kids...Brad and Kate...my neice and nephew...they've grown up so much....Pam's not even 30...GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!!! All thsi time I've been saying all these things...thinking all these things...and they were all lies....and now they're trying to help us....and they apologized so many times for not calling all this time when they should have...and I'm so sorry I was mad at them...I want so much to call Dave's cell and just say "....I'm..sorry..." because I am...I'm so sorry....I love them very much....I can't stop crying...
-----------------------------------
I wanted you to know...
That I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high
And steal your pain away...
I keep your photograph...
And I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high
And steal your pain...

Cause I'm broken
When I'm lonesome...
And I don't feel right
When you're gone away...

The worst is over now
And we can breathe again...
I wanna hold you high
And steal my pain away...
There's so much left to learn
And no one left to fight...
I wanna hold you high
And steal your pain...

Cause I'm broken
When I'm open...
and I don't feel like
I am strong enough...
Cause I'm broken
when I'm lonesome...
And I don't feel right
When you're gone away...

You've gone away...
You don't feel me here...
Anymore...












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