Tuesday, August 9, 2005

   Naaaa...
It's already 3 in the afternoon. I slept till about two. I guess I want to write...though I'm a little unsure of the outcome(ya know, if it'll be good or crappy). Well, some music should help to make that better, right? I'm bolding my entries now so you guys can read then easier. Ugh...it's so hot outside-I don't know if I could concentrate enough to write anything. I'll try. Well, I guess I don't really have much else to say...

Oh, a thought did come to me yesterday...just how Dave(my step sister's husband) is actually more like a big brother to me. And actually...he's a better big brother than the two that ARE my big brothers. I mean, I know if someone was out to get me, they'd beat them up. But...what happens when THEY are the ones out to get me? So Dave said if either of them do anything to me to let him know and he'll beat an understanding of "you do not hit a woman" into them. XD And he probably could...he was in the army for a while-part of the special forces Rangers. I forget what rank. But anyways, he's tall and skinny with lots of muscle and all that. He's cool. It's kinda funny to see him play the role of dad though. XD And Pam(or Lauren(sp?) since she changed her name)...it's weird seeing her a mom. It was weird seeing my neice Kate and nephew Brad. Well, I guess they're only half so? *shrug* I think my mom doesn't know what to make of it all. She says she doesn't consider herself to be a grandma. and Pam never told the kids to call me "Aunty" or anything. So I guess i dunno what to make of it either. But it's just a nice feeling...knowing that, even though they're far away, they told me I can call them at any time-even if it's just to talk about nothing. Dave's a very duty-bound man...I know he doesn't lie. And he even hugged me before he left...my real brothers ahve never even hugged me. I guess...I can't blame them-who would wnat to, ne? But..eh. *shrug* I don't know. My thoughts are kinda jumbled right now. And I'm mad at that Reenie...she was talking my ear off as per usual, and then gets on the subject of my grandfather...and then onto the subject of my dad. Now, I'm very touchy about that subject, and then she proceeds to talk about it as if she knows what it's like. And her husband does the same. She's all like "If it doesn't get any better, your mom will have to find someone else." EXCUSE ME?! It's not her place to say that kind of thing and it basically made me cry. I don't think I would ever forgive my mom if she did. And then reenie's husband is all like "If that happened to me, I would cut you loose." meaning let his wife divorce him and find someone else. YEAH FUCKING RIGHT! Let's put you in jail all alone for four years then and see what YOU do! Fucking ridiculous! For those of you who haven't guessed by now, yes, my father is in jail for something he didn't do. I'll briefly describe what I mean in the next paragraph, so you can skip it if you already know the story.

So, about 27 years ago, two people were killed-they happened to be my dad's boss and the boss's wife. They checked out everyone back then and came up with nothing and the FBI said they think it was mob related because the guy gambled and was in some of that stuff. Almost four years ago, they reopened the case because Joe Berket(sp) wants to become governor and it's the only unsolved crime around here I guess. So that fucker reopens the case and they can't figure out who to blame so they blame my dad. Guilty until proven innocent I guess. They took him away from us...and since then it's been all sound proof glass and plastic phones. It took them THREE years to get my father a trial. Then the judge fucked it up and didn't tell the jury everything and gave them papers of impeached statements they weren't supposed to ahve, the prosecution got away with tricks, the jury wanted to go home(they weren't allowed to until they chose a verdict) and so on. So that got fucked up. Now my dad is far downstate and I won't be able to see him at all for a year or more-however long it takes for this fucked up injustice system to check over his case for an appeal. My life's been hell these past four years because of it-and yet I can do nothing. Pam and dave have hired a good lawyer now, though, so we'll see what this guy can do. He's ruthless and loves to win-he doesn't seem to care about the money. And that's fine with me...anything to get my dad back. I don't expect any of you to really understand...I could write a thousand page book and it wouldn't be enough. But I know my dad didn't do it-for all the evidence reasons(as in ALL the DNA came back negative and stuff) as well as personality reasons. My dad would never do something like that. Everyone says he's the nicest guy they've ever met-and he is! And he was the best dad ever...*sigh* I better stop here before I cry. Ja ne.
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Bid my blood to run...
Before I come undone...
Save me from the nothing I've become...
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