Friday, August 19, 2005

   Meh is better than shitty, right?
Yay, changed backgrounds. I made this one, as well. Not the background itself, but i changed the pictures on the glass and added the words. Well, I got up about an hour ago and NOTHING exciting has happened yet today. Unless you count Lyss making me listen to Simple Plan, just to see, and end up liking some of it. Sometimes if I really like a songfic I read, I'll get the song and see, too. *shrug* Ah, well. Yesterday was what sucked. I just don't want myself to slip down too far into the unhappiness or it's harder to get back up. Just gotta be calm about it all...

So, yesterday was pretty uneventful. I mean, I keep getting up later than I want to because I can't sleep for shit again. I thought I was getting somewhere with it, but I guess not. Anyways, but of course when Erik got home, the shit hit the fan as uaual. He was arguing with my mom about Kyle. See, I have a college singing class on Tuesday nights. My mom does, too. So, we'd need Erik to watch Kyle for TWO HOURS while we're gone since Jeremy's working closing this time. Erik decided that he's taking Kyle AND Gina out for a movie then. More like take Gina out and let Kyle tag along. Bastard. Nobody likes being a third wheel. So my mom told him no, because he'd be so busy with her that he wouldn't pay attention to Kyle at all and something could happen. I totally agree with her. What, he can't "sacrifice" TWO FUCKING HOURS?! What the hell! And then he's all like "well, what if I decide to take Kyle out tomorrow? Without Gina?" And my mom still said no. Because Erik wouldn't be doing it for Kyle, but for himself, as if he's trying to prove something just so he isn't inconvienced. So my mom told him to forget it and she'll figure something else out. Isn't my brother wonderful? Then Jeremy was a dumbass and went out without even telling me he was leaving! That's what we call "Pulling an Erik", because that's what he does. Jeremy got home at like...1 AM. And kicked me off to do his damn email. Dumbass...he's following in Erik's footsteps...I can see it already. *sigh* And then Erik must ahve left to bitch, I mean, Gina's house, and didn't come back till 2 or something. Assholes. All of them. As my mom told me, "Just when it seems like we're starting to get things under control...they have to fuck it up." she actually said that. And I don't blame her. She hardly swears, but...that just shows how much it upsets her.

I had a weird dream, too. Ed and Al were they, both in their normal bodies...but they were part of a play. And it was mixed with Final Fantasy cause there was a sorceress. And it was just a play, but I had to write the play as it was performed...so..the people were freaking out waiting while I tried to come up with a good script while we performed it. It was so strange. If dreams mean anything, I guess it means I feel pressed for time...or stressed. I don't know.

My friend insists that I take the money. *freaks* But...she is right about one thing...my mom deserves a break. So, since my friend is MAKING me take the money...I'm taking my mom to Renissance Faire. We ahven't been there in over four years and my mom really wanted to go this summer, but we didn't have the money. So...I think I'll take her. Labor day monday...is probably when we'll go. But you know...that was the day, four years ago, that my father took me, Erik, and Kyle(jeremy didn't wnat to go) to Indiana Beach...that was my first time there, and my last. The next day I never got to see him face to face again. Because seeing someone through glass doesn't count. So...I pray that nothing bad will happen the day after I take my mom...it'd break my heart if it did.

On a side note...I realized I don't care what bands and singers look like anymore. If a song is good, I listen to it. I don't even know what half these people look like. I guess that means I've grown up a bit? I mean, back four years ago, I would love every song a band did because they were cool looking and I liked at least one song...so then I liked them all. And now I don't even care. Weird, huh?

Well, I don't know what else to say. That's my life for ya. -_- Ja ne.
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Take what you need...
Cause I can't hold my breath.
Say what you feel...
Cause I got nothing left.
I made a promise to myself last night...
I'm gonna keep it if it's wrong or right...

And if I lose it all...
There'll be nothing left to lose And I would take the fall...
Cause knowing you are out there breathing-
It's so wonderful...
It's a chance I take even if I break.
I lose it all...
If I lose it all...
Wouldn't matter anyway.

Don't change a thing...
Perfect as you are.
Time has a way...
Time is all I've got.
If my heart should shatter watching you...
That'd be one less thing I'd have to prove.

Heaven will be waiting
When I fall into your open arms...
I believe you'll find me there
You'll find me there...

And if I lose it all...
There'll be nothing left to lose
And I would take the fall...
Cause knowing you are out there breathing...
It's so wonderful-
it's a chance I take even if I break...
I lose it all...
If I lose it all...
It wouldn't matter anyway...
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