Tuesday, December 6, 2005

   Hmm.
Hello all(geez, typoed "Hell all" there), and sorry i haven't gotten to sites lately. I feel guilty about it...but I'm trying to keep up with my PMs...so if I haven't been able to see you lately, PM me! I'm not trying to ignore you guys, I just haven't been feeling so well.

Speaking of not feeling well...today just wasn't my day. Mondays never are, it seems. To highlight the worst parts of my day...Jeremy took more hours, so my Grandfather had to take Kyle to the dentist and decided to drag me along because he didn't want to have to do anything. So he sat in the car while I took Kyle up there. Kyle, of course, acted like a little baby. That was kinda embarrassing, but yeah. Not much I can do about it. So then we got home and then Jeremy got home soon after. And we argued a bit about me having to go with Kyle, then it escalted into other things. I discovered Jeremy feels like he has to hold up the place of my dad and our brother Erik(the doofus in Thailand). I didn't know he felt like that. If he'd just open up sometimes...*sigh* He keeps to himself too much. So about when he started getting into that, I tried to cut the argument short. Just...shut up and leave me alone kind thing, ya know? Apparently he didn't take it well. After a moment of silence, he goes past me to go to his room and said "sorry I upset you." but he sounded choked up. I've only seen him cry a few times in my life. But it made me cry, too. It made me think...how horrible am I, to be so selfish? I told him how it's not like he's taking dad's place cause he doesn't give my mom all his money. he works for himself. But then...I also know he'd give my mom every cent he has if she asked for it. It made me...hate myself a little more, I think. And it made me realize...how truely little I do sometimes. Just because i'm lazy, just because I'm a teenager...what kind of excuses are those? I have responsibilities...people are depending on me to do things...and I have the nerve to use lame excuses? I'd like to think I've grown up a lot the past four years...but maybe I need to grow up even more. I was 12(and right after turned 13) then, I'm 17 now...sometimes I just want to be a kid. This is why I have a hard time with immature people sometimes-no offense to anyone...it's just that I've become so muh more serious in some ways and less....childish I guess. Like I told lil' sis Lyss earlier...I just don't have the time, nor the drive. My dad told me in his letter that I should try harder not to slack off, so my mom doesn't have so much to do or complain about...and maybe...this christmas, our fifth without him, I can...make that happen.

My mom was in a bad mood today, too, but she picked herself up. I cut kyle's hair and then when he showered/took a bath he got water all over so my socks got wet a little while ago and now my toes are going numb because it's 9 degrees. So, I'm going to bed. At least I finally posted, ne?
----------------------------------
"Everyone...everyone here has lost something precious. Everyone here has lost homes, dreams, and friends. Everyone, now...Sin is finally dead. Now, Spira is ours again. Working together, we can make new homes for ourselves...and new dreams. Although I know, the journey will be hard, we have lots of time. The road is ahead of us, so let's start out today. ...just, one more thing. The people and friends that we have lost...the dreams that have faded.....never forget them."

Yuna, FFX
I haven't played that game in a while, but I went and beat the ending again...and it made me cry...again. And made me hate FFX-2 even more. Yuna wasn't too bad in FFX...it's X-2 that made me dislike her. oh well.
----------------------------------
Do you remember me?
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you
With childhood fantasies...
Well, I'm all grown-up now,
And still need help somehow
I'm not a child
But my heart still can dream...
So here's my lifelong wish
My grown-up Christmas list
Not for myself,
But for a world in need...

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts...
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end...
This is my grown-up Christmas list.

As children we believed
The grandest sight to see
Was something lovely
Wrapped beneath our tree...
Well Heaven surely knows
That packages and bows
Can never heal
A hurting human soul...

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts...
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end...
This is my grown-up Christmas list.

What is this illusion called
The innocence of youth?
Maybe only in our blind belief can we ever find the truth...

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts...
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end...
This is my grown-up Christmas list...

Grown Up Chirstmas List...love that song now.
----------------------------------





Comments (3)