Monday, June 14, 2004

A new installment to the Shinken's slice of myOtaku...
It's name? The Chronicles of Ridic(ulous). The subject? It's basically a summary of any stupid things my brother says, relating to politics or religion (his two favorite topics to be stupid about). If he says something random and moronic, I'll make a little sidenote about it during my rant. Why am I doing this? Because it seems that I always have a little piece of "wisdom" from my brother to pass along, so I figured I'd institutionalize it.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, the first installment in the Chronicles of Ridic(ulous).

Today, my brother and I got into another seemingly one-sided discussion about religion. A common tactic of my brother's, whenever the topic arises, is to ignore the subject at hand and instantly start parading around waving the "Hardcore Christian Zealot" flag. For instance? I asked him if he was of the opinion that meditation is "against Christianity" (some people actually belive this, for some reason). His reply?

"Do I think it's against God? No. But do real Christians do it? No, if you meditate, you're not a real Christian. A poll showed that 1/2 of people who said they're Christians haven't read the Bible."

That's right, folks. All you Christians out there who practice Yoga or Tai Chi had best put away your bibles right now and prepare for an afterlife of eternal damnation! Sarcasm, for those who can't tell.

Of course, that's not the extent of my brother's bias and zealotry. The topic soon turned towards religion in general, and the inherent similarities. Being my closet-heathenly self, I brought up the similarities of Christ's and Buddha's teachings. Mi hermano's completely unrelated reply?

"Well, all I know is that I like being Christian, and I'm proud of it. And besides, Christianity is the only true religion." (That's not where it ends, folks. When I ask him about all the other religions, he continued.) "All the people who worship another god and are in a different religion know in their hearts that they're lying, and that Christianity is the one true religion." Yes, he actually said that. You see, we're apparently deluding ourselves and lying just to get God mad if we belong to another religion. >_<

As you can see, my brother is the type of person who condemns such people as any random evangelist pastor who spews fire and brimstone, but seems to harbor those same beliefs. And no, I don't mean all evangelists spew fire and brimstone. I'm just using the Phelps-like pastors as an example.

Well, that's the end of today's Chronicle of Ridic(ulous). Until next time...
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Sunday, June 13, 2004

It's official: The Japanese Rock
"No duh!" you say to me. Well, this is just m ore undeniable proof.

That's right, ladies and gentlemen. Japan (home of Metal Gear Solid, a game series based on sneaking around and doing stuff) has finally created an invisibility suit. It's not perfect, but it's a little glimmer of hope in a world populated by people like my brother and the current Commander-in-Chief. Of course, such knowledge instantly creates a "HOLY CRAP JAPANESE INVISIBILITY SUIT" reaction from myself. Big mistake. You see, I informed my grandmother (jingoistic , hardcore Christian zealot) of this recent technological development. Her reply?

*gasps* "That means they can invade us again!" When I inform her that Japan has almost no military, she replies again.

"Who knows? They've probably been building up this whole time and hiding it from us!" She then proceeded to go on a "Japan's going to invade again, you're wrong Josh!" rant, and then gave me a (not so) brief history of life in WWII.

Why did I expect her to be thoroughly intrigued by the creation of a working invisibility device? I shouldn't have, considering that she also went on a similar "Japan is rearming and ready to invade" rant when I showed her a picture of a recently-invented life-saving robot. The thing has jaws-of-life for hands, and is used to help clear debris and stuff like that. Of course, it's actually a walking death machine capable of killing thousands...

Anyways, the Japanese are also making improvements upon the Zeppelin.
Which makes a great deal of sense, considering the amount of anime that has Zeppelins in it, as do much of the Final Fantasy games.

Speaking of Final Fantasy, I was watching ScreenSavers on G4TechTV a few days ago, and saw a clip for Final Fantasy XII. Instant fappery and visual gratification. The best graphics in a FF so far, and here's the kicker: The story takes place... in Ivalice! Yes, Tactics Advanced fans. The very same Ivalice, or so it seems.

Well, enough from me. I'd best relinquish my ninja death-grip on your attention and let you get back to your regularly-scheduled programming.
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Saturday, June 12, 2004

   It's time to get back to my main purpose...
That is to say, bashing Bill O'Reilly! Okay, so I'm only going to completely disagree with him. But still...

Bill's Current Article is about Reagan (isn't everything these days?). Nothing wrong with that. However, this kinda bugs me;

" Ronald Reagan was firmly against abortion on moral and historical grounds. I have a handwritten letter by him dated January 14, 1980, when he was trying to capture momentum in the presidential primaries. The letter says this: "I have a very strong belief that interrupting a pregnancy means the taking of a human life. In our Judeo-Christian tradition this can only be justified as a matter of self-defense."

A simple statement, but one that could have engendered worthwhile debate about a divisive issue and about America's Judeo-Christian tradition, which today some are seeking to deny and destroy."

Deny and destroy? What the snap!? Sure, America is predominantly Christian, but that doesn't mean that everyone has to follow the tenets of the faith! We do have freedom of religion (supposedly, anyways), so how is it "denying and destroying" our "Judeo-Christian tradition" to allow people to choose? Seriously. I can only interpret this as relating to abortion (and maybe gay marriage?). Sure, it may upset someone's religious beliefs to hear about someone having an abortion. But that is no excuse to force those beliefs upon another.

Now, where's a rant about Bill O'Reilly without showing an example of his overall stupidity? Nowhere, that's where! So, here is your example. The description reads: "Vent your frustration at France by joining the France boycott and displaying this Boycott France bumper sticker. It has a French Flag with a circle and a line through it with big letters that say "Boycott France"." Of course, the man from quite a few Factors ago who accused Bill of being "racist" against France has no foundation for his opinion whatsoever, eh? Sheesh...

Well, I'm off to a wedding later, so I'll have a full review of the catering upon my return.
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Friday, June 11, 2004

   Ah, the joys of being me never cease...


Remember a few posts back when I complained about a freshman instigating arguments with my brother? Well, this has been one of those weeks...

Firstly, I've been studying for Finals and Regents for a few weeks now, so my brain is already fried as it is. Now, however, the idiotic freshman has apparently stepped up his efforts to, as he puts it, "throw down" (WTF!?!) with my brother, who is in the seventh grade. Fortunately, the kid's a complete and utter coward. You'd be surprised what a calm tone and (pathetic attempt at an) icy stare can do for you.

But that's not the least of my problems. Two eighth-graders have also picked up the egotistical torch, and have decided to do the same as the freshman. Now, here's the worst part; I can do nothing about them. Today, my brother is going to an amusement park (best water rides EVER, btw), as are the two stoners. Their plan? Both of them are going to "jump" my brother. Fortunately, teachers and lifeguards abound at the place, so nothing will likely happen. Still, my brother is the type of person who would fight the entire WWE if one stepped on his shoelace, so you can see why I'm worried.

Combine that with the fact that there are at least three days next week where I stay home and he goes to school, and his overall inability to fight well, and you can surmise why my week has been a living hell. Or maybe purgatory.

PoliticalCompass.org , by the way.


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Monday, June 7, 2004

So, what was the aforementioned hilarity?
Well, it comes in two installments, in chronological order.

Firstly, let me say this; I am by all means a geek. I thoroughly enjoy RPGs, manga/anime, am an avid gamer, and despise MTV. But I have no intention of becoming the guy from Office Space whose only memorable line is "I believe you have my stapler?". In case you're wondering why I'm mentioning him, let me tell you. I ran into this man in Barnes & Noble. Here I am, looking at the tabletop RPGs, and to my left I see this large figure out of the corner of my eye approaching me. I look up, and I see a fat, sweaty man in a red sleeveless shirt and grey sweatpants. His face and head are covered by thin, greasy hair matted down all over the place, and he's panting like he just ran a marathon. He then proceeds to pick up a D&D Manual, flip through it, and occasionally glance up at me and whimper like the aforementioned "Office Space" character. I was thoroughly scared, and have made it one of my definite goals to never end up like that guy. I don't mean to sound judgmental, but I have no wish to end up that way.

The second item of hilarity? As we all know, I subscribe to that heathenly little belief system called Buddhism. So, naturally, I would be looking for one of the Dalai Lama's (great guy, btw) books in BN. Here I am, standing in the Eastern Religions section, trying to decide on which of his many, many books to purchase. Suddenly, my grandmother (hardcore Christian, for those who don't know) comes out of nowhere and says the following, with a tone of mild disgust and disbelief;

"What are you doing in the... Eastern Religions section?"

She then proceeds to give me that look that usually precedes one of her infamous zealous rants, thus giving me no choice but to move on in despair. I guess next time I'll just bolt to the back, grab An Open Heart (one of the Lama's many books), bolt back to the cashier, and get outta there before my grandmother (or brother, who is also a zealot when it comes to religion) notices the subject of my purchase.

It's bad enough that my brother goes insane whenever I buy a martial arts-related book like Hagakure or Book of Five Rings. He insists that Musashi's book promotes suicide, which it does not. He comes to this conclusion simply because the author was a samurai. He also comes to the conclusion that all Buddhists are bald, wear robes, and are immediate pushovers. >_<

You can see why I have such a sense of humor. Anyways, if anyone has read any of the Dalai Lama's books, could you make a recommendation? That is one purpose of that "comment" option, which you will find if you look one line down.
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Sunday, June 6, 2004

Barnes & Noble: The Biggest Friggin' Bookshelf On Earth
Seriously. If you're ever in need of a good book, go to Barnes & Noble. Don't go to the store and comb around the book section, don't go to the library and get out a good book, only to be forced to return it. Go to Barnes & Noble. Go to Barnes & Noble. Go to Barnes & Noble. Go to Barnes & Noble. Get the picture? BARNES AND NOBLE!!!

While combing through the XBOX-huge building, I stumbled upon what has got to be the largest manga collection I've ever seen. It was an entire bookshelf loaded with manga. And by bookshelf, I mean one of those bookshelves that are about three times as wide as the average person, and the top shelf is only accessible via a ladder. (And no, they won't let you climb on the thing to get to the top.)

Finally managed to procure that Book of Five Rings that I was after previously. It's pretty good so far. Matter of fact, I'm almost done with it. I'd recommend it, definitely. 5/5.

I've also got a tale of humor that ensued in BN, but this post is getting too long, and breakfast is almost done. I'll divulge later.
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Friday, June 4, 2004

Paycheck: One hell of a movie
If you rent one DVD this weekend, rent John Woo's Paycheck, featuring Uma Thurman and Ben Affleck.

Basically, it's an awesome near-future science-fiction affair mixed with a bit of intrigue, espionage, and of course, action. (It's a John Woo movie. Whaddya expect except AWESOME?) The acting is solid, the action is, well, action-packed, and the sci-fi portion has my geek side intrigued. I'd say more, but spoilers aren't any fun.

Anyways, go rent the DVD, preferably widescreen (but I was stuck with fullscreen). I can't say anything much in the way of extras, but at least they give you the option of skipping over the trailers first. Extra points for that one.

In other news, my brother has picked up the zealot torch yet again, proving yesterday morning that he is fully capable of being a hardcore Nazi when it comes to differing opinions. Here's the story.

So, here I am, sitting in the kitchen, passing the extra half-hour by conversing with my brother. The subject somehow turns to those quirky scientific theories relating to universes with either more or less dimensions than our own. (We're 3D, they're 4D, for example.) So, what does he tell me?

"That's against the Bible. God doesn't say anything about it, so it's not true."

>_< OMFG WOW. How do you come up with something like that? Sure, it isn't mentioned in the Bible. But neither is any one of the typical facets of modern living, including indoor plumbing! Last time I checked, he wasn't against taking a visit to the porcelain throne every once in a while for religious reasons (any, for that matter)!

"God may have never said they exist, but he never said they don't, either. This also extends to everything else." That was my reply, which left him thinking until the bus came.

You know you should stop reading the Hagakure when you start saying "this extends to everything else" on a daily basis. The Hagakure, by the way, is a very interesting read which I would recommend to anyone. And I do mean anyone. Except for my brother, who also found the Hagakure to "conflict with his religious beliefs". He does a lot of spiritual reflection for a thirteen-year-old seventh-grader, doesn't he?

Until next time, kids.
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Thursday, June 3, 2004

HAHAHAROFL I'm a terrible person...
I am, quite possibly, the least supportive friend in the universe. My friend Caruso hasn't been in school all week. Why? Because he has E. Coli! I laughed my ass off. He's fine, so that's why. Of course, if he keels over and explodes, however, I'll feel the need for...

SEPPUKUUUUUUUU!
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Monday, May 31, 2004

Well, this is rather disturbing...
Never thought I'd see something like this.

For those of us who hate to follow a link and interrupt that precious time one could spend reading what I have to say, here's a summary.

In case you didn't know, churches and religious organizations are exempt from paying taxes, and this is assured by the government. However, in Texas, some random nutjob in the state government decided to try and get the tax-exempt status repealed from Unitarian Universalist churches because it "does not have one system of belief". Fortunately, the whole thing was defeated, but still, who in their right friggin' minds would even think up such crap!?

Seriously. This whole "multiple systems of belief" argument is such a load of crap. Christianity has multiple beliefs, in the form of sects such as Catholicism and Protestantism. Islam has the Shiites and the Sunnis. Hinduism has more than I can count, and Buddhism... there aren't enough numbers. Infinity doesn't cover it. See my point? All in all, I think the whole thing is downright stupid, despicable, etc.

Opinions?
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Saturday, May 29, 2004

   For the first time in my life, I am wrong...
A few weeks ago, I complained about a movie known as Samourais. I stated that this movie was horrible, an atrocity that should never be viewed by the sane. I said, and believed, that this movie was the worst one ever made. I was wrong.

A new title has claimed the title of Craptastic. This film is known as Dark Harvest. The basic plot? Kid inherits farm, which was owned by his psycho-killer great-grandfather. As soon as the guy and his friends get there, these... things start killing them. Now, before I go further, let me explain what I mean by things. The movie says that they're the spirits of the men who were killed by the aforementioned great-grandfather. I say that they're a bunch of guys walking around in overalls and plaid shirts with a rubber mask you buy on Halloween for two bucks, with plastic farm equipment and straw hats.

Being a sub-B-movie, you can expect the horrendous video quality/angles, acting that even I could excel, and of course, the quick three-minute softcore porno scene. Which, by the way, was the only part of this movie I could see through my bleeding eyes! (read: marginally interesting. Like stabbing a fork in your eye, because there's a chance you wont' die.)

Anyways, don't watch this movie. Don't think about this movie. If you happen to see it on the shelf at your local movie rental store, look at the cool box art. Because they probably spent more money on that little piece of paper than they did on the entirety of the film. Including a scene in town in front of a "barber shop" with the construction-paper words "Barber Shop" taped onto the window.

This movie is so craptastic, it doesn't even have a rating. It just.... SUCKS. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go cry. And remember, no matter how hard you try, you can't gouge out the mind's eye! You can, however, replace the brain with a positronic matrix, a la Star Trek.
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