Thursday, April 8, 2004

My world is falling apart at the seams...
My brother, as some of us know, is a huge James Bond fan. So, it was no surprise when he purchased the latest Bond game, Everything or Nothing. And, as we all know, I'm not that big on James Bond games. Sure, they're okay, but they're not something I'd sit down and play for, say, an hour and eleven minutes.

UNTIL NOW.

EoN is, surprisingly, a James Bond game I have nothing to complain about. The cooperative multiplayer mode is quite enthralling, as it's got its own minute story line. And there's the OMFG THIS IS LIKE SOMALIA SO MANY BADDIES *blange to the nth degree* factor. The weapon selection is typical of a JB game (a lot of real weapons with some fantasy rocket launchers thrown in), but there's definitely a big change ahead for any HARDCORE YARR 00 Agents like my brother: The game is no longer a First-Person Shooter.

Oh no, my friends, this is something far different. Instead, 'tis in Third-Person. Wait! No, come back! Yes, I know that, with the exception of SOCOM, Metal Gear Solid, and Splinter Cell, TPS games have a horrendous track record! But fear not, for EoN does not falter. This is, surprisingly, a genuinely solid TPS. The camera angles don't become metaphysical tormentors, and you don't get caught on an object while moving around. The aiming system is also well-done, with good accuracy yet enough misses to keep the realism factor in check.

The story mode, as I've seen from the first cinematic, involves terrorists, a suitcase nuke, and a guy in a huge coat with an out-of-character voice. (My brother skipped right to the multiplayer. >_< ) So, I'm afraid the verdict on the single-player missions will have to wait until later. This court is adjourned, and we find the multiplayer aspect of James Bond 007: Everything or Nothing guilty of nothing worse than a horrendous B-Movie title. We sentence it to a 10/10. We will resume hearings on the single-player portion tomorrow.

Okay, now that you're done watching Court TV, let's switch to something else.

Upon walking into my house, I saw a headline in the paper reading: Militants Gain Partial Control of 3 Iraqi Cities. Is it just me, or is this whole Iraq situation turning into Bush's own personal Somalia? I know, I know, Senator Kennedy already called it Bush's Vietnam, but hey! Bush wants to throw a zany evangelist religious agenda into everyone's lives, so why not throw another war comparison into his resume?

Speaking of Bush, I still haven't had account confirmation from FearBush.com!!! Is it really that hard to just say "Welcome to the club, please take your shoes off before entering"?

I'll be back with more witty satire later in the week. Itte ki masu, and enjoy your SPRING BREAK.
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