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• Battosai06
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• 1988-10-21
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Male
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• I just fell down a Japanese well. I have two options: Fight hordes of demons, or die in seven days. Decisions, decisions...
Member Since
• 2004-02-09
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• Anti-Error Operative
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• Josh
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• I'm still living. That's good enough for me. ^^x
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• I first saw DBZ. I've been hooked ever since.
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• Rurouni Kenshin
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• Move to Japan, purchase a katana/wakizashi/tanto, learn Kendo, become a manga artist for Shonen Jump. And meet Miho Yoshioka.
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• Anime, Being a Martial Arts Fanatic, and Ogling at Miho Yoshioka ^///^
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• Drawing, Knowledge, Anime Fandom, and the like. 
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Saturday, May 29, 2004
For the first time in my life, I am wrong...
A few weeks ago, I complained about a movie known as Samourais. I stated that this movie was horrible, an atrocity that should never be viewed by the sane. I said, and believed, that this movie was the worst one ever made. I was wrong.
A new title has claimed the title of Craptastic. This film is known as Dark Harvest. The basic plot? Kid inherits farm, which was owned by his psycho-killer great-grandfather. As soon as the guy and his friends get there, these... things start killing them. Now, before I go further, let me explain what I mean by things. The movie says that they're the spirits of the men who were killed by the aforementioned great-grandfather. I say that they're a bunch of guys walking around in overalls and plaid shirts with a rubber mask you buy on Halloween for two bucks, with plastic farm equipment and straw hats.
Being a sub-B-movie, you can expect the horrendous video quality/angles, acting that even I could excel, and of course, the quick three-minute softcore porno scene. Which, by the way, was the only part of this movie I could see through my bleeding eyes! (read: marginally interesting. Like stabbing a fork in your eye, because there's a chance you wont' die.)
Anyways, don't watch this movie. Don't think about this movie. If you happen to see it on the shelf at your local movie rental store, look at the cool box art. Because they probably spent more money on that little piece of paper than they did on the entirety of the film. Including a scene in town in front of a "barber shop" with the construction-paper words "Barber Shop" taped onto the window.
This movie is so craptastic, it doesn't even have a rating. It just.... SUCKS. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go cry. And remember, no matter how hard you try, you can't gouge out the mind's eye! You can, however, replace the brain with a positronic matrix, a la Star Trek.
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