Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Want to know what is annoying?
I hate people who says their life sucks, even though it doesn't. Good example is my friend. She's pretty, she has 3 very nice best friends and nothing wrong in senior high. She's bookworm so succeeds to get good grades from tests. She has no money problems or physical problems. She's normal girl with normal life.
And still... AND STILL SHE'S WHINING ABOUT HER LIFE. >:F Like how she can't live because no-one wants her in here and everything makes her life hell.

I, Nina, age sweet 16, bullied since birth, suffering _very_ rare illness, scarred mentally, should be one who is whining, but I'm not. I can't be, because showing emotions like disaffection, is mark of weakness while I'm this young. That is thing my doctor told me after I tried suicide [with ribbon in school when I was in 4th. grade. My friend noticed I weren't at lessons and became curious. Without her, I wouldn't be writing this right now].

My father has always prohibited crying and even in funerals, I had to try not to cry, because I was afraid of father's punishment [he started to scold me. And does still that. I don't like his scoldings].
I've never told my personal things for anyone, because I know they can use those things against me if they becomes rivals to me.
Though it really hurts. Keeping things bottled up, I mean. There's person I like... No, _love_ [after suffering a year, I can tell what is love and what just friendly love]. And how much I ever want to tell my feelings, I just can't, because I have feeling that breaks our friendship.
So I'm torturing my mental health with that.
I've many times tried to forget my feelings for certain persons, but when I see or even think them, every feeling just cames back and more harder.
I can't explain this feeling. It's too complicated. But I know that my love will be one-sided always.

Maybe you think that "but what if you're friends? It shouldn't be block or anything".

No, it's not. But I'm not prettiest flower in bouquet. And I really mean what I'm saying. I'm not one of those people who thinks they're butt-ugly but are really pretty.

I'm not going to lie: I'm disabled.
Not like I don't have legs or something like that... I have _really_ big scar on my face, Starting from chin to cheek and horizontally from under ear to mouth [though it doesn't look that it's reaching my mouth]. And because of that, my right ear is deaf, and will always be, because it was cut off in surgery. I know that sounds _really_ disgusting, but I'm outcome of mother who smoked while waiting me to born. So if you don't want child like me, no smoking, upcoming mothers!
And I have ugly nose [but there is accident behind it, so my nose wasn't always like that].

So... Now you know why I don't have chances to have boy/girlfriend for myself.

*Sigh.* Why there is thing called love. It would be easier for me to live if there wasn't thing like that.
And feelings too. I want to throw them to trashcan, because my feelings aren't so important, because all people see is "disabled ditto-monster".

Usually I am happy and never complain about anything. I'm trying to be good person and do my best [This is thing why I started to watch Naruto in first place. He's so much like me that sometimes I was just scared how much he reminded me].

I don't know why I'm telling all this... Maybe it's because of friend, who started to angst for me. Or maybe I just had to tell all that for someone. I know you maybe don't read that text, but I can think you do.

Every thing I told is very much true, and even my best friend doesn't know about that suicide-attempt. I know she really loves me as friend and I'm really happy to have her as my friend. Sometimes I'm even asking myself "Do I deserve people like her as my friend?". She's... She's just too perfect friend for me.
So I know she will be angry if heards about that suicide-attempt.

It has been very hard to write this post, and if you don't want to suffer, don't comment, if you think this is ridiculous.

I hope this post makes anything sense... things would be easier if I had england as my mother-language. -__-
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Damn. xD
When I was in animecon [about 4 months ago], my friend's boyfriend, who has never cut hair, cut 15 cm _my_ hair off because without that, Sasuke -hairs weren't possible to do [yes. I've been cosplaying Sasuke (and ate chinese food with Gaara almost next to me{table was in our way. :P)! o___o] and after that, my hairs haven't been fixed or anything. So my hair is kinda like ramshackle house. xD

My friend [now one who CAN do things like that. :P] who is going to cut my hair like Hinata's, almost died and beat me up when she heard what happened. xD She cursed how I ever could let him make my hair like this. It would be nice to show my picture for you, but because I have pig -nose, let's forget it. x___x;

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And now I'll tell about animes. :3

DearS


God, I love this anime!
DearS is about teenager-boy, Takeya, who doesn't like DearS and gets one living with him.

DearS are humanoids, which landed to Earth when their space-ship bursted, and now they've been on Earth one year.
All that time Takeya has been sure that DearS are monsters under those cute covers.

One night he finds DearS called Ren, and takes her to live with him [even though he doesn't like her x3].

And again I like headcharacter-girl. Not Mary Suee~~ <3

WARNINGS:YAOI BELOW

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Fish in the trap
I've readed the manga, but it was so strange,I stopped. ö__ö I couldn't recognise characters because they looked so much each other. =____=;;; So I hoped to see something new in anime. But in the end, it left me as stupid as I was before I watched it. :D

I can't say was that good or bad. Something between them.
If you haven't readed manga and watch this, you really don't understand anything. :3

There was one sex [rape] scene, but very bad one. It just looked that seme was on top of uke and that's it. Not good "ahhhh, aaaaaaah" voices or thrusting, goddamnit. -____- Just seme trying to choke uke only by laying on him. >_>

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Lesson XX
I liked this one much. Not yaoi. Shounen-ai. ^-^

Plot: Two guys trying to understand their feelings for each other.

It's funny how little they are with each other in this. They makes 4 or 5 scenes where they are together talking, and almost 70% of anime contains other people.
But still anime is _very_ good. <3


Graah. I hope my english makes some sense... x___x I need sleep~
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Human for Sale. Test how much you cost. :P
I'm worth of $1,506,990.00. ^_~

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Art

Because I can't submit my art, I'll put one new art in every post I'm going to add. :3


Edward Elric from Full Metal Alchemist. ^--^
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Sunday, November 7, 2004

In two weeks, I will get hair like this:

Looking good, eh? x3 Black and shock-red.
Sheesh... My best friend goes to shock when she sees... xP

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I'm going to update again when I'm not this tired. ^_^; I had to just post that thing so that I won't forget.
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Saturday, October 30, 2004

o___o
Can someone tell why I can't submit any artworks? Is my account frozen...?

Terms of service:
13+: Members of myOtaku.com must be at least 13 years of age. - Yep I am.

Plagiarism: myOtaku.com members may not submit any content that they themselves did not author, draw, or otherwise create. For artwork, myOtaku members may not trace or submit another person's artwork, even with that person's permission. When creating a wallpaper or collage, members may use someone else's artwork if they get that person's permission. -Why I would take other's works?


Spamming: myOtaku.com members may not sign guestbooks, send private messages, or post comments on other people's sites with the sole purpose of advertising their own sites. - nonononoooo~ I don't like those messages myself, so why should I send some?

Linking to Illegal Content: myOtaku.com members may not post links to illegal content on their myOtaku.com homepages, including links to warez, illegal mp3s, ROMS, emulators, or any other copy-protected material. -And I haven't.


Advertising: myOtaku.com members cannot host any type of commercial advertising on their sites. This includes, but is not limited to: banner ads, pop-up ads, or forced spyware downloads. -Nope. Haven't done that either.

Pornography: myOtaku.com members may not link to, source, or distribute any pornographic material on their sites. This includes, but is not limited to: artwork, photographs, or erotic literature. - or this.

Harassment: myOtaku.com members may not harass any other member.
Good Taste: myOtaku.com members may not create sites designed to disrupt a viewer's browsing experience. All myOtaku.com sites must be in "good taste", as determined by myOtaku.com staff. -Nope. e__e Molests herself.*

So think I haven't been frozen... But it has been _three_ weeks when I submitted one work and it hasn't come to gallery! o___o; And about four days ago, I submitted one more to see, if even that gets there... And nothing. .___.

This sucks.

Butbut. Something to show for you:
[click picture to get it bigger]

Sergeant Kuroro:

Really... I cried while watching this. It was so horrible and tried to be fun. After 2 EP's, I was twitching on floor with huge pains.

Plot: Uhh... That green frog is spacecreature which is trying to go and invade world...

I didn't like this and hope that never see it again. *shiver.*

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Bleach

Ichigo&Rukia&someone I don't remember. Rukia is wondering how she can drink straw-juice. :P

Ichigo, age sweet 15, can see ghosts and spirits. One night he meets shinigami, who gives Shinigame's powers when he's trying to save his sisters. Unpleasantly Ichigo will take her _all_ powers. xD

What I can say? If you get kicks from blondes, go and download this with torrent. Plot isn't bad and there isn't any Mary Sue's or Gary-whatsoevers. :P
There's humour mixed in serious situations which makes ir _really_ good. Like when Rukia [shinigami. She's that darkhaired girl. :3] explains things by drawing, Ichigo goes and flames her drawing skills. While monster waits kindly them. :P

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Naruto
EP: 106
Enjoy of images from new, horrible OP:
Screenshots.


WARNINGS:YAOI BELOW
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Miracle Heart

Uhh... Really... I think I'm never ever going to play this again. o___o I played it about _8 hours_, never getting even kiss, and it still continued. O_____O;;;; Sheesh...
There weren't even pretty bishies. ;___;
Only good thing in that game was that I waited only 4 hours to get it. -___-

Doujinshi
Too cute to ignore. xD Got this one from my friend. Sakura doing henge!
1.
2.
3. No yaoi, but oh well. :P
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