Monday, May 16, 2005

   help!!! T_T

waaa!!! help moi!!! T__T when i change my background, it wouldn't load. T__T what should i do? help help!! waahhh. T__T sorry if i couldn't make it to ur myOs late time. o.o;; i was trying to fix my myO and when i realize it, it's finally time for dinner. so i didn't have enough time to visit ur myOs. -_-; gomene.

how have you all been? hope everyone's fine. ^_^ thanks shadow-chan, richard-san, cloud-san for the kind words. again, i can't thank you enough guys! ur all such an angel. ^_^

umm...i just started reading a new book, eventhough i haven't finished The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown. XD~ the new books title is By The River Piedra, I Sat Down and Wept by Paulo Coelho. i just borrowed it from my friend yoj.

anywayz, i'll be visiting sites now. anyone who knows about my problem, please comment or just pm me. ^_^

matta ne~ ^.^


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Thursday, May 12, 2005

   a will to fight.

jaran~ a new theme. ^_^ i got the picture from boyis.com. if you like some really cool pic, go to their site. XD i really really love their pictures. XD~~~

ack. -_-; sorry about last time...i almost gave up my life because of some useless things. bleh. so much so for being a fighter. but too bad, i'm still standing. XD i have people who support me. sorry for ranting nonsense here last time. -_-; it's a good thing i have friends who'll support me. and of course, to all of you guys. ^_^ thanks for supporting me. thanks for the encouraging words. to richard-san and cloud-san for the boost of morality. i really appreciate it. *hugz*

umm...i need to improve my myO more. i'm still not contented. o_o; i'll just try to fix it later. hehe. XD

anywayz, that's all for today. on to ur myOs! XD~~~

matta ne~ ^.^


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Tuesday, May 10, 2005

   that's just how life is...

last night, i was really really pissed off. as i've said, my ex-boyfriend and i belonged to an anime community in a chatroom. what happened was, this certain guy was talking about something and i know...he's referring to me. the catch is, he's humiliating me in front of everyone. and some of them joined in not knowing they're all talking about me. they all thought, we broke up because of Ragnarok Online; which is not. he was the one who broke the news, i guess that's the catch here...who ever broke the news first is the one believable. yeah, my friends don't know his side of the story...but they just kept quiet. but look at him, he himself use quotations that's referring to me. yeah, i am affected. can't i be happy? or i don't deserve to because i left him...that's what everyone thought. i don't know...i'm beginning to feel really really bad. all my life, i just want to be happy. i always fail; i'm a failure. lolz. maybe that's the reason i like aoi kagura of flame of recca. for those who haven't read the manga, he's a villain. the failed experiment of kouran mori. and...i don't belong to any community. everytime i join...something happens that'll just make me leave.

why? why can't i be happy? why can't i do my things? lolz. maybe...if i die, people won't even notice about it. will someone weep for me? no...i don't think so...because i'm just a worthless person...just as what my mom always tell me...i'm nothing but a worthless child...ahahaha. i don't have any use to anyone. i failed as a daughter, i failed as a cousin, i failed as a friend, i failed as a girlfriend...and i failed as a human. i am nothing but a society trash. lolz.

anywayz...that's all.

matta ne...

read this to know more about what i'm talking about. it's aoi kagura. what she said there...i feel the same. lolz.

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Monday, May 9, 2005

   sorry.

sorry if i was not around for the past few days. my great-grandmother died and we have to go to the province. it was so sudden that i didn't have the chance to say it here. gomen minna. o_o;

i'll just post again later and i'll try my best to make my round.

matta ne~ ^.^


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Saturday, April 30, 2005

   moving on, a step forward.

yesterday, something happened that really made me smile. raijin-sama, my ex-boyfriend, visited me here, at our house. i was sleeping and yes, he disturbed it. lolz. but no harm done. at first, we were arguing. we were at my room. it's summer and it's pretty hot here, as i've said at my previous post. then, after sometime, my mom told me why don't we talk outside to get some air. when we're outside, maybe because it's cooler, our discussion was cool down a little. and after some more talking, he finally let go of me. now, i'm officially free. although i know it's hurting him, well, i didn't mean to hurt him. it's just that our relationship doesn't seem to work anymore. and plus, i'm not very much ready with "super" serious relationship. i'm such a kid. i mean, i'm just 19 years old, i want to enjoy life. i told him, why don't he hate me. he just said, "i just can't bring myself to hate you. i don't know why.." i know he love me so much...but i just can't go on anymore. yeah, he's a great guy, he's loving and such. but for me, he's just too good to be true. -_-; i dunno. i just think, i don't deserve someone like him. >.>; bleh. i'm rambling nonsense here again...oh well. -_-;

anywayz, the rest of the day was uneventful. except for downloading a lot of mp3s. w00t~ XD

that's it for today. i'll make my rounds now. *mwahugz everyone*

matta ne~ ^.^

oh i love soujirou! XP~~~ hope you like the piccie. ^_^

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Thursday, April 28, 2005

   i hate summer!!! >.<

waahhh!!! gomen minna! -_-; gomen if i was not around for the past few days. -_-; it's so hot and for some unknown reason, i feel really really lazy. -_-; it's been like hell here. T_T so so so hot!!! grrr... >.<

the past few days was a little eventful. o_o; my ex-boyfriend keep on calling me. -_-; yeah, you know who he is. he want to settle things up. but he want it privately. i mean, why can't it be in a mall? we can still talk there. -_-; and he doesn't want to return my things. -_-; darn. if he wouldn't agree to see me in the mall, then he can have my things! <.<

one of my bestfriend will be leaving the country soon. T_T so sad. but he'll be back. and i told him to buy me chocolates. yum! XD~~~ he'll be having his OJT in US. i dunno where though. o_o; hope he'll have a safe trip~

oh yeah, thanks to those who said that i'm cute. ^_^;; it really made me blush. lolz. for those who haven't seen it, just click on my archives. ^_~

oh well, that's all for now. ^_^ i'll make my rounds now.

matta ne~ ^.^

since it's summer, here's Maria Renard from Castlevania: Symphony of the Night. ^.~

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Sunday, April 24, 2005

   waii~

ok, again, i lacked sleep. -_-; maybe it's because of the freaking weather! it's so hot and i can't sleep properly. bleh. -_-;

last night was nice. ^_^ i was talking to edward while listening to some music. well, i love singing and i couldn't help it. then, he joined me. he sang too. believe me, he got a good voice. <3~

this afternoon, for some unknown reason, i was really really inspired to make a wallpaper. i did a sora wallpaper. i already submitted it so just check it out if you feel like it. ^_^ then this evening, i made a dew prism (a.k.a. threads of fate) wallpaper. w00t~ 2 wallpapers in one day! well, i want to make those wallpapers from the very beginning but i couldn't. i dunno why. just today, i thought of a good style. well, i REALLY am INSPIRED. hmm...*winkwink*

anywayz, that's all for today. ^_^ i'll just visit you guys~

matta ne~ ^.^


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Saturday, April 23, 2005

   T_T

i was suppose to go out with my friends but due to my so so so nice *coughcough* mom, i end up staying at home. -_-; she didn't allow me to go. T__T well, i was suppose to stay overnight because it's a get together. i mean, it's been a year since i last go out with my friends. too bad. -_-; i was excited and that. oh well~ -_-;

last night, edward saw my picture. well, he told me i look ok and that i'm cute. o.O this guy really need glasses. -_-; i mean, i'm not cute! =P for me, i'm not. -_-; and i'm chubby too. XD~ but i'm glad he didn't back out when he saw my picture. i thought he wouldn't like me because i'm chubby and i'm not pretty too. ^_^ this guy is something. i'm beginning to like him. =3~

umm...oh yeah, i just uploaded a wallpaper. ^_^ just check it out if you got time. ^_^ any comment, advice, criticism and suggestion are welcome!

that's it for now, i'll make my rounds now. ^_^

matta ne~ ^.^

hehe. this picture was taken last december 8, 2003. it's my aunt's wedding. well, some things changes, like my hair style and i lose a little weight. ^_^ but for now, i just want you all to know how i look like. =3

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Friday, April 22, 2005

   aww.

agh. i only slept for 5 hours. -_-; and i hate it when i lacked sleep. bleh. >.< for some odd reason i'm having bad dreams. o.O; this morning, i dreamed that a lion was about to attacked me. x.X;; so frightening. X.x;; oh yeah, i'm like a vampire. i'm up during night and i sleep every morning. lmao. my mom told me, i'm no different from a vampire. XD~

this afternoon, i had some of my pictures scanned. umm...i was thinking if i'm going to post it here or not. XD~ i'm ugly yah know. rofl. XD it's nice to go out every once in a while. it's been a month since i last go out.

anywayz, i'm glad that people liked my new avi. XD thank you minna! *mwahugz* oh yeah, i just made a banner. dunno if it looks fine. -_-; i'll just make another when i'm in a more perfect condition. =3

thanks to shanny-chan for letting me join the Hyuuga Clan and re-join THAT. *mwahmwahmwah*

anywayz, that's all for now~ i'll make my rounds now.

matta ne~ ^_~

Nall and Ruby from Lunar 2. i really like these two. they're so cute. XD

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Thursday, April 21, 2005

   thanks minna! ^_^

thanks for the support everyone! all of you are such an angel! *mwahugz everyone*

this afternoon, i was talking to my online daddy. he told me that the news about our (raijin-sama and me) break-up spread all over the chatroom community. well, he did the talking; i only told 4 people. ^_^ edward and moi are just doing fine. i think it's better this way, taking everything slowly. i don't want to rush on things again, i learned from my mistakes. ^_^ it's better to know each other first before anything else. ^_^ we always talk over the phone, it seems as if he doesn't get tired of talking to me. lolz.

anywayz, i just changed my avi. i'm always interested in Gunslinger Girls. but, i forgot the name of the girl that i like there. XD~

laterz~ i'll make my rounds now.

ja ne~

a bigger view~ i'm always fascinated with guns. XD~~~
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