Friday, November 25, 2005

boring holiday

12:17 AM Really boring day at work. I won't go into details, but it was really boring and many people were complaining about wanting to go home. Though there were fun moments, like the joke about a "Redneck's Thanksgiving". lol "The turkey don't fit in da microwave. Less try da George Foreman grill thingy" So yeah, my family ate without me and my mother was telling me of how I "was missed" and how my younger cousin is concerned about me going Goth. *I wouldn't consider myself Goth, though my mother does and she told the family >,< * Well, really bored now...and the holidays are getting to me. I always get depressed during holidays and this year is probably no different. Though I guess in spirit of holiday, here's a little something. Shiro's Thankfull List I'm thankfull for: 1) having certain good friends 2) knowing that I can accomplish things when I want to 3) not having the complete cowardice to take my own life *somewhat; this is a very touchy subject* So yeah, it may not be much but y'know I've turned my back on the world quite a bit during my life. At least I can admit it though. Well, hope everyone else has a good holiday. Ja ne.

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Thursday, November 24, 2005

Kodou

*lyrics to another Dir en grey song that's been stuck in my head for days now; from the new album Withering to Death* "Kodou" doko tonaku sono kanashisou na kao mo kitto ashita ni wa wasure kieru itsukara darou konna ni hitomi ga shinda no wa muimi ni ikitsudzuke utau ore wa ittai asu ni nani ga aru heya de hitori kodou wo kanade sakebu Don't kid yourself and don't fool yourself I am addicted to the perceived fate shigami tsuita unmei ni ore wa hitori Don't kid yourself and don't wound yourself yamanai ame yamanai oto yamanai kizu yamanai ai yamanai uta wo... mou tomerarenai kara mou taerarenai kara koe koroshite me wo fusaide yami ni oborete samayotte mou sugarenai koe koroshite me wo fusaide yami ni oborete samayotte eiri na kimi no koe wo mune ni... subete wo yami ni hare hareshii asa yo hiniku ni -ohayou- -translation- The sadness on the face will probably be gone tomorrow When did my eyes become dead? What is waiting for me tomorrow as I sing and live without meaning? Alone in my room as my heartbeat screams Don't kid yourself and don't fool yourself I am addicted to the perceived fate I am alone I linger on to this fate Don't kid yourself and don't wound yourself The unstoppable rain The unstoppable sound The unstoppable scar The unstoppable love The unstoppable song... I can't stop it anymore I can't handle it anymore Kill the voice Close your eyes Drown in the darkness Roam around I won't depend on anyone anymore Kill the voice Close your eyes Drown in the darkness Roam around I keep inside me your keen voice... All in darkness It's such an irony this sunny bright weather -Good Morning-

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The day of boredom

11:37 PM Today was boring but an ok day. First I went to Matt's house and we played some smash. Then we hung out with Daniel and his little brother Zach *it was his B-Day today*. After hanging out with Daniel the day went downhill. Matt and I were freakin' bored off our minds not knowing what to do. We couldn't get in touch with anyone to hang out with. Also we kept checking what time it was and freaked out when it was like seven minutes past the last time we checked. But we solved out boredom by going to Seth's house and hanging out outside her house =) So we were all talking about stuff. Usually whatever came up to topic. So yeah, not so bored then. Unfortunately when I got home my mother starts speaking in "bitchenese" to me. "Bitch bitch bitch nag nag. Naggidy nag bitch." She's wondering why I'm hardly home and probably thinks I'm out doing drugs. I don't care 'cause I don't like being around my family very much. Whatever. I don't do drugs, so you know. Even though I had friends that were stoners doesn't mean that I am one. I've got better things to do in my life rather than get high. Ja ne, oyasumi.

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Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Frustrating night at work

9:15 AM Yeah, last night was exhausting. I was in charge of closing the concession stand and I had a bunch of n00bs working with me. Not so pleasant. Constant "what do I do?" "how do I do this?" "can I take a break?" "I just sold something that we didn't have in stock!" So yeah, not pleasant. Though I will admit, I did gain some new respect from some of my workers. OK moving on! Right now I'm home alone typing this up. My mother is at work and my step-father is going to Barnes & Noble and then to the mall afterward. He invited me to come along, but I declined in fear of using up all my money *I still have to pay my phone bill =( * Ate breakfast from McDonalds. I don't really like McDonalds very much, but when I'm hungry I'll eat what I can. Really filling though. Pancakes, eggs, biscuit, hashbrowns, and a thing of sausage @_@ Afterwards I did my trash duty, so no taking out trash for a while, woo! Though as I walked out I yelled out "FUCK!" 'cause it was cold... I have no idea what I'm going to do today...I should probably start planning out some christmas shopping for meh friends ;) SCREW YOU FAMILY WHOM I LOATHE! LOL *not that i completely hate my family...i just favor my friends over my family any day* *sigh* Well, holiday season is here...hopefully it'll be better than my previous ones. So far life seems to be going pretty good. Though there are people that I miss a lot. *T_T Seth* Ja ne minna. Take care.

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Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Yurameki

*Lyrics to another good Dir en grey song from the album Gauze* "Yurameki" Kaerenakute wasuretakute "yurameku" koto no nai ai wo kimi ni Ano hi kimi no hitomi kara boku wa kieteita. Mou ima sara boku ni nani ga dekiru no ka Nakikuzureru kimi wo mitsume itsumo yori tsuyoku dakishimeta ne. Demo kimi wa kawaranai kimi no ai wa mounai no ima ni natte kizuku nante... kimi wo hontouni [baka] dayo boku wa kore de owari ni shiyou ka? kimi no koto wo omou to nazeka namida ga nagareteta. Kaerenakute wasuretakute ima made ijou ni mou ichido omoide sae wasuretakute aishi ta kokoro ga itakute Kimi wo kizutsukeru nante nidoto nai. Dakara ima made no you itsumo kimi wo dakishimetai. Ai wo uragiri sugita ne boku wa... "mou sannen maeni wa modorenai no ima wa..." naze futari wa deatta no kimi ni nani wo nokoseta no? mata futari wa deae tara soremade machi tsuzukeruyo. Kaerenakute wasuretakute ima made ishou ni mou ichido omoide sae wasuretakute aishita kokoro ga itaku eien ni eien ni ima made ishou ni nai ai wo eien ni eien ni futari no ai wa modoranai. Ai yori harukani omoi uragiri no naka de kimi wa "yurameku" kotomonaku La la la... - Translation - I couldn’t return home, I wanted to forget the “un-wavering” love for you That day from your eyes I had disappeared. Now what is it that I can do? I saw you torn apart by tears I held you [in my arms] harder than usual, didn’t I? But you don’t change The now where there is no longer your love I realized… But you… I was really “stupid” Should I stop it at there? When I thought about you for some reason tears ran down my face. I couldn’t return home, I wanted to forget that up ‘til now that I once more Remember even as I wanted to forget the heart that loved that hurts I wouldn’t think of hurting you at all That’s why up ‘til now I wanted to always hold you [in my arms] Me, being overly-backstabbed by love… “that which was three years past, to which I can’t return to now…” Of the two of us who met, why was there something was left for you? If the two of us met again we would be able to continue like that to town. I couldn’t return home, I wanted to forget, up ‘til now together once more Remember even as I wanted to forget the heart that loved that hurt For eternity, for eternity up ‘til now together with no love For eternity, for eternity the love between the both of us will not return. La la la...

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semi-bad day

11:04 PM Well, basically I had a bad day at work...so yeah... ANYWAYS! Afterwards I headed to Mike's house and Matt, Mike and I decided to go out walking after getting tired of CCR (controller controller revolution). We headed for Hobby Lobby so that Matt could get a new sketchbook and some pens and whatnot. For some strange reason, everytime we're walking some group will either honk at us or yell retarded shit to us...it's weird. One time a car full of girls slowed down and then drove off giggling O_O After that we went to H-E-B and Matt bought some sushi. I believe it was eel roll. I've only ate it once, so I have to eat some more to get a taste for it. We were going to walk to Wal-Mart and check out the new X Box 360, but we ended up going to Panda Express 'cause we encountered Mike's parents there. Also Matt got a free meal from them by eating two peppers. Then some crap involving my mother happened, so the evening went kinda downhill and here I am. So yeah,...apparantly there's a little bit of drama goin' on with some people. Yeah, drama gets tiring. I favor to avoid it, though I will stand by my decision. Ja ne minna. Oyasumi. My fortune cookie's fortune: "You are artistic and others can relate to you"

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Monday, November 21, 2005

Not much to say

12:11 AM Ok, so not much happened today...at least not much exciting. Mostly Matt and I walking around, eating suchi, finding out that Hobby Lobby is closed on Sunday, playing Smash, hanging out with Mike and what not. We watched a special on MTV about Pro Gamers, it was pretty interesting. Unfortunately they focused more on Halo and Counterstrike and didn't show much footage on Smash. =( So yeah, not so much happened today. On a side note, I think it's important to always follow your heart. Ja ne.

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Sunday, November 20, 2005

The Final

3:18 AM *lyrics to a good Dir en grey song from the new album Withering to Death* "The Final" toketeshimau ito o mitsume... monji ni dekinai hidari te desu. chi o nagasu tabi ni ikitere riyuu... miidasu kotoba ga azayakade te no naka ni wa aisuru beki hito sae mo hanabanashiku chitte te no naka ni wa ikita imi kisande mo munashiki hana to shiru The Final hitotsu futasu to fuetsuzuku... naze ni waraenai esa ni naru? fukaki goku no kokoro ketsushite modore wa shinai ashita o sawarenai jigyakuteki rokasha Suicide is the proof of life te no naka ni wa aisuru beki hito sae mo hanabanashiku chitte te no naka ni wa ikita imi kisande mo munashiki hana to chiru So I can't live Sou naku shita mono wa umarenai ikiteru atashi sae motomerarenai uta Let's put an end... The Final raisui no tsubomi sakaseyou ---translation--- The intention is clear, I stare... with this left hand, unable to be worded Every time I bleed, there lies the reason to live... And I discover words being so vivid and bright Even loved ones scatter like petals from flowers in my hand So even if I engraved the meaning that I lived in my hand, it will only be known as flowers of vanity The final One by one it multiplies... why be a sad bait? Deep within the hell of my heart... I can't go back A self-torture loser, not being able to see tomorrow Suicide is the proof of life Even loved ones scatter like petals from flowers in my hand So even if I engraved the meaning that I lived in my hand, the petals will only scatter as flowers of vanity So I can't live What's lost can't be born again A song that's not even seeking the proof of living Let's put an end... The Final Let's bloom flowers of attempted suicide

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Saturday, November 19, 2005

new poem

3:38 PM Ok, I just put up a new poem that I wrote on one of my web journals. the link is near the top of this page, so feel free to check it out if you want. Though I think it's one of my crappiest. =(

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Thursday, November 17, 2005

10:46 PM Ok, not much going on lately. Went to Matt's today and played Smash. We're both pretty even now. My Marth is a lot better than it's been. And I've been training my Fox and Link. They're both pretty decent, though still not that great. This week is going to be quite crazy at work. Thanksgiving holiday and the opening weekend of the Harry Potter movie. Pure crazyness. I'm still not sure when the new supervisors are to be announced. As for my personal life, I've been a bit better though I'm still thinking about stuff. Well, later my mother and I are going to watch the new Harry Potter movie. She's hooked on the movies and is dragging me to the midnight showing...though I could go to the employee screening, but that may be at 3 in the morning...so yeah. Ja ne.

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