Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Depression

Well, it seems to be the time for my monthly period of depression. So while cursing my existence I made a list. Name:Joshua Aaron Shaffer do you like your name:not really when were you born: Aug 14th, 1987 birthplace:San Antonio, TX how your parents describe your birth:my mother says that I was an unexpected miracle any siblings:I would've had an older brother, but he died before birth your parents:father-Larry Dean Shaffer; mother-Christina Mata-Cardenas describe your father:caring, loving. Now for the dark side; schizophrenic, once threatened to kill my mother describe your mother:bad memory, stubborn, overprotective, jumps to conclusions who do you live with:mother, step-father, two step-brothers when did your parents divorce:before I was born. I'm a bastard how would you rank yourself in your family:the black sheep why:none of my family members really know the real me and never took an interest in it have any members of your family died:not close ones, but my mother and grand-father have almost died a few times how do you view death for yourself:I don't fear it and at times I welcome it have you had close encounters with death:as an infant I was in a terrible car crash and got injured by numerous shards of glass, I once had my skull busted open from a fall, almost got poisoned to death, could've gotten hit by numerous cars when I ran into a busy street as a baby, almost drowned as a kid are you ever suicidal:yeah how many times have you considered suicide:I lost count how long have you been suicidal:as long as I can remember have you ever injured yourself:I once slashed my wrist what do you think will happen in your death:nothing do you feel that anyone will mourn your death:probably just my family; other than that, no. so if you died no one would care:sounds about right have you ever been loved:I doubt it what do you think of love:it hurts have you dreamt of love:I have my dreams, but that's all they are have you ever been in love:yeah did it make you cry:...yeah what else did you tell her:that I would rather have her be happy with someone else rather than to be sad do you still stand by those words:yeah, I guess do you currently love someone:I try not to why do you try not to love:to avoid the pain of rejection so fear keeps you from loving:I guess are you a virgin:yes have you ever had a girlfriend:no would you like a relationship with a girl:It'd probably be nice under what circumstances:that we love each other what do you look for in a girl:my friends would think that boobs are all I care about, but truthfully it would be a great personality. One who'd understand me and make me feel happy when I'm with her do girls find you attractive:I highly doubt it do you think you're attractive:hell no why would you want a relationship:for love so you wouldn't want a girlfriend for the hell of it:no how would you describe yourself:quiet, distant has anyone told you anything different:a girl once said I was "a sweet person" did you believe her:no do you still think that:I guess what do you like to find beauty in:I mostly like to find beauty in the dark sides of life do you like vampires:yes why:basically the whole romance of them, the theme of eternal love in death how about demons:yes, but I tend to favor half-demons what about angels:yes, one always has to find their light if you were offered the powers of darkness, would you take it:yes how would you use them:the way I see fit do you believe you're going to heaven or hell:most likely hell do you believe in a god:yeah what's your religion:I don't have one what's your opinion on religion:it's ok, everyone has a right to believe what they want to, but it annoys me when people hide behind religion and never face the truth of the world do you have any spritual guardians:so far just one what characters do you feel you relate to and why: Uchiha Sasuke:I wish to be stonger. Ikari Shinji:I feel that I am hated. Inuyasha:as a child I was picked on for being a half-breed. Squall Leonheart:I'm a loner. Lestat de Lioncourt:I would help those who are important to me as much as I could. Van:at times I wish for peace in death. what do hate about yourself:I'm pathetic

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