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myOtaku.com: Shiro Kageryu


Wednesday, September 28, 2005


Why the hell do things happen the way that they do?
7:51 PM

With all the crap that's been going on lately I just felt that I had to type this up even though I said that I was going to take a break from the internet.

My cousin Will is 17 years old. He's three monthes younger than I am. He and I have practically been raised as brothers and like a younger brother he gets on my nerves yet I still care for him. He's a Catholic and has dreams of his future. He wants to go to the University of Missouri and become a writer and perhaps a filmmaker. He has just recently had a mental illness for the second time.

A year ago he had his first mental breakdown and had to get on meds for a while. The family was shocked when it happened. He spoke very strangely, he could hardly understand what people were telling him, he was very disoriented. After a few monthes on meds he became a bit better and back to himself.

Last Friday it happened again. He became stressed out with his school work and being in 5 extracuricular activities at the same time. At first his mother just thought that it was another case of stress and sleep depravation; however when Monday and Tuesday arrived he started speaking strangely again. He has the sense of paranoia that is present in most mental illnesses. His doctor now wants to put him on a different medication now. At this rate he'll have to take meds for the remainder of his life, may not be able to go to college out of state in his condition, and may have to live with constant supervision.

Of course the family is still shocked by this because they always assumed that the one psycho in the family would be none other than...me. Ever since I was a child my family always thought that I would be diagnosed with a mental illness during my adolescent years. My father was-correction-is a schizophrenic. It was thought that when I became a teenager I would be diagnosed with schizophrenia as well. During a time in my life nothing that I did mattered because I just figured "What's the point? I'll probably just become a mental nut and life will mean nothing anymore." and then my cousin becomes mentally ill.

Why must my cousin suffer when he's a good Catholic with dreams for his life and future? Why is it that I'm not affected when I think nothing of my life wheras he has meaningful dreams for his?

Yet again I'm closer to becoming an atheist. If a "god" did exist than why would he let something this terrible happen to someone who strongly believes in him?

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