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• San Antonio, TX
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• 2005-06-18
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• ...still alive after all the suicidal moments and attempts...um...but I did place 3rd in my first Guilty Gear tourny o_O
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• When I was eight I used to watch Samurai Pizza Cats, Speed Racer, and one really kickass show that I can't remember the name to.
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• Naruto, Gundam Wing, Hellsing, Bleach, Macross (Robotech), X/1999, Fruits Basket
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• GUILTY GEAR, anime, manga, movies, books, drawing, writing (when I can), video games, listening to music, playing DDR,
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• ...I guess pulling off "Sasuke"s (learning things and getting good at them really fast) ...and maybe being depressing?
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myOtaku.com: Shiro Kageryu
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Sunday, June 4, 2006
Still alive...good or bad?
Yeah, I've been feeling somewhat down. But that's the way I am. I see no big deal in it. Right now the only thing containing my sanity is my heavy music (Currently listening to: "Oblivion" by Secret Sphere). The other night I was spending some time talking to Noel. He's a good friend and I can probably trust the most with him out of all my other friends over here. Though, there are some things that I don't tell Noel. I hate having people know everything about me. Though earlier that night, I was with Noel as he was picking up Kevin from Daniel's house and Kevin was being pretty annoying so Noel was getting really annoyed. He kept yelling at Kevin to shut up but he wouldn't, so Noel (being as crazy as he is) starts driving at 80mph in his own neighborhood and then 60 and over on the main street. Then when Noel had to drop off Kevin at his house Noel started driving on the left lane...yeh that's right, the lane where on-coming traffic is. The whole time I'm really calm and don't care while Kevin is in the back seat freaking out while yelling (which annoyed Noel even more). After Kevin was dropped off Noel calmed down. Then he was wondering how I wasn't freaking out and how I was able to remain so calm. I pretty much told him "I don't fear death. If anything, I feel I have nothing to live for" sad, but somewhat how I feel. He just glanced at me and said something similar to "heh, that sucks." Yeah...kinda does lol. Then we started going into a discussion of death and what not. He said that he fears being forgotten more than dying. I responded that I usually hate being forgotten, but it's already happened and there's no stopping it. When I die, I don't wish to become a memory. That's why I wish to be cremated. I want no tombstone nor grave tying me to this world and I want my ashes carried by the wind (or something like that, y'know) Yeah, I'm "emo" who cares. I also realized that I can be a selfish person, as least when it comes to one thing. I hate seeing other people (mainly my friends) feeling down and depressed and what not. I just hate it, so I try to help comfort them or make them feel better. Yet...when I'm sad, I dislike it when people try to comfort me. I have this mind-set that only I should suffer. Is that bad? Well, I should wrap this up by now...I'm probably boring everyone by now. Though for those still reading: Thanks Ja ne |
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