Sunday, September 26, 2004

CATS IS HOT! AND GREEN! W00T!
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Thursday, September 23, 2004

IMPORTANT!! IMPORTANT!! IMPORTANT!!
PLEASE READ THIS, EVERYONE!!
I am no longer using AIM AT ALL, because it causes issues with my computer (details at bottom). If you wish to IM me, use Yahoo! You can get a free account there and the emoticons are prettier anyway. My username is to the left. If I decide to start using AIM again, I'll let you know. Thanks.

Here's the problem: There are a lot of sites I go to regularly, as you can probably guess, and when I can't go to them, I get very upset. It breaks my routine, and I do not like change. But now, all of a sudden AOL gives me this "aimtoday" page saying it can't find the site--when the site had just started coming up just fine. This is a problem especially when I'm downloading, since I can't just stop the page coming up to prevent AIM from being an asshole. So I uninstalled anything related to AOL in the hopes of removing this new "feature" (so far it's worked well). So PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not worry if I never sign on, and don't make that your only means of communicating with me. Email me even, if you have to.

And yeah, I would have written something to AOL except that it would take ages to fix the problem anyway, and I want my Sims 2 downloads NOW!
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Wednesday, September 22, 2004

I want to cry. I don't know why. But I know I won't. I feel like I've taken on the world and let loose everything. Nothing matters, and everything matters, and I'm confused but it all makes perfect sense. I know why I like the Internet. Somehow, when I log on and do my thing, looking around and posting here and there and reading, it's all the same kind of out-of-body experience I mentioned before. Now I'm even more separated, with new headphones. So all of a sudden nothing really exists and I'm just looking down at a little freshman in the anime club who likes potatoes and alternative rock, and I'm pressing all the buttons. I am not there, but I have perfect control over my body's every action and my mind's every thought. And despite all this, I still don't know who or what I am. My instincts tell me to fit in, my mind tells me to stand out, but my heart hasn't had anything to say in the matter. I just have to listen to it, and maybe it will tell me.
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Tuesday, September 21, 2004

I remember way back when myO was just starting out... I was there, though not immediately because the launch was right in the middle of Hurricane Izzy's hitting MD. It felt so big even then. Now there are even more users. It's a little frightening. >.>

I miss DES. I will always miss DES. She is mou hitori no boku, after all. I think everyone whould find their yami/hikari. It's very fulfilling.
...I miss her so much. I get misty when I listen to the Rage Beat.

I'm in need of some new music. It's pretty pathetic, really. I need new music every few weeks or my mind gets bored. Sad. But my mom actually ordered a Flame CD for somewhere upwards of $50, and it was so expensive because it came with a region 2 DVD I can't even play. But I love Flame, and so does she, so I guess miracle happen sometimes and moms do really frivolous things.

Also got into GetBackers. I read the first volume and we have the DVD next on our rental list. I have such a cool mom. She says at the next con we go to, she'll cosplay as Kaede from Inuyasha. Hee hee. Yeah. Enki for me, just for a challenge. And I'm reusing my Furuba school uniform for Halloween. I'm going to be an undead Japanese schoolgirl. I'll have all kinds of scary makeup on, and such.

I say nothing much happens in my life, and I guess it doesn't, but there are always plans to talk about. Good old plans...
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Monday, September 20, 2004

Hey there, all. ^_^ Sorry I didn't post to celebrate Talk Like a Pirate Day yesterday, but my internet service was giving me grief. As usual.
Sims 2. Rules. It is SO much cooler than the old one. In my personal opinion, of course. But see, it's got this really detailed Create-a-Sim tool and you can design your own neighborhoods. *sigh* I'm in love. Any time I can put five levels in a house is a great time for me to be alive.
I love all my new friends from the anime club. Lisa had 3rd lunch today (one-time deal) so I was in 2nd lunch without her. I ended up sitting with one of the anime juniors. It was awesome. I love being loved, or at least recognized. I feel so socially successful! It's all so new and exciting! I mean, I've never really been socially successful before! >_> And I figured out the secret to getting juniors to like you: Give them fries. At Good Counsel high school, fries are power.
Behold the Spud Queen.
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Sunday, September 19, 2004

You know how in books sometimes people end up being bone-achingly tired, like they can feel the exhaustion down to their very physical core? Now I know what that feels like. It's kind of like mild arthritis all through your body, actually. Heh. ^_^U
So, I am still sick. This is a sad thing. It means I cannot sing. It also means I get tired more easily and lose my voice quickly. Oh, what a bummer life can be.

I've decided I want to live in New York City if I don't get to move to Japan. It's just such a cool place. Big buildings full of all kinds of neat stuff, and Chinatown, packed with interesting finds. And the people there, contrary to popular belief are really really nice. Either they don't pay you any mind or are quite polite. Sure, traffic sucks, but that's why everyone walks. I could actually ger excersise. Then there is the wide variety of entertainment... The list of good qualities goes on for ages. So yes, NYC is the place to be. Rhyme not intended.

I got the Sims 2. It is too early yet to make a judgment. But it looks pretty good so far. ^_^
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Friday, September 17, 2004

Yup. Ghost in the Shell 2. Whoopee. To be perfectly and brutally honest with you, I don't really care about Ghost in the Shell. I didn't like the original, and I don't like what I've seen of the new one. Sorry, but I'm a bishie-hunter, not a philosophical type, and old guys just don't do it for me. Really. I swear.

I don't really like changing myself in any way. This includes self-discovery. It scares me. I'm happy with the way things are now, and I'm afraid that if they change I won't be able to find such strong footing again. I'm not into taking big risks, and even if I do take them, I often end up regretting them afterwards. But there are things you just have to admit, and things you really need to know, and you can't bottle it up or you'll never get stronger. I'm sad. I don't really know why, but at least it's not like the old sadness. That was seemingly calm, but there was a rage boiling up underneath the surface waiting to destroy everything in its path. This time its a very peaceful sadness, like I just need to rest, but I keep going, and that's just the way it is. Acceptance and persistence. I like it. I wonder why it makes me sad then.

Autumn is a good time to think about one's self. I don't know why, but it always triggers the sensitive side of me. And now there are fresh memories in my mind of the last autumn and winter, and so I have much more to think about. Nick and my anniversary is on the 20th, one year since I posted my proclamation of corniness. You can go find it in the archives, if you want. I'm pretty sure it's still there. I still feel pretty much the same way, and through a lot of changes too. New crushes (and lots of them), emotional changes, deeper education and understanding of the world around me... I guess love is something that withstands most change. It's incredible. It's one of those things that makes you believe in God.

Along with study hall.
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Thursday, September 16, 2004

I just read a great essay. I won't say what it's about, cuz then you might not read it. And I think everyone should read it, whatever their stand in any matter, just to get a fresh breath of air in their minds. It's long, and it uses a lot of big words, but I think it's worth it.
Also worth a look, especially if you're a Christian, is the rest of that site. There's your bedtime reading, enjoy. ^_^
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I am sick. So either I post a complaint about how miserable I feel, or I don't post at all. Or I just tell you why I'm not saying much. Yeah, that works too.
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Tuesday, September 14, 2004

A political rant! Yaaaayyyy!!
A loooooong political/moral rant...

I was floating around a forum just now and found a thread on where you stand in all kinds of different areas. The first area was abortion. Every single person who posted to that thread (as far as I dared read) said "pro-choice". Sometimes I wonder if they really know what they are talking about.

Abortion is not like a a tonsilectomy, or plastic surgery, or picking off a scab, or whatever. It is not entirely your body that is involved in abortion. In fact, the life most at risk is that of an unborn but still human child. Everyone is outraged when they hear of children suffering, and leaving infants in unsafe conditions, but those same people shrug and say, "It's the woman's choice," about abortion. Abortion kills. Let's face it: Even though the child has not come out of the womb yet (though there are methods that wait that long; disgusting), it is alive. It has human features, even very early on, and it has forming organs and a brain. When abortion is performed, someone dies. It's usually the child. The more defenseless one, the one who has no say in whether or not he or she even lives to see the light of day. Yes, it is the woman's choice as to whether or not she wants to abort her child, but it's everyone's choice right now as to whether or not to grab a gun and shoot anyone who comes our way. It's everyone's choice if they will kill or not kill. It's everyone's responsibility. And so the current situation boils down to this: Murderers of people already born go to prison, murderers of children who aren't have nothing to worry about.
The gift of sex and sexuality is also a responsibility. Sex is meant mainly for procreation, not simple pleasures, so it's likely the result of it will be a child, as intended. This child is the result of your actions (you too, guys, she didn't make that kid all by herself), and it is completely in your care. We have to take care of ourselves and the things around us that can't do anything for themselves. Several hundred children died in a school in Russia recently; several hundred children die every day in the US.
What I can't understand is how people can look at a picture of a bloody, dead fetus, that looks so human and fragile, and say, "Go ahead." What I can't and never will understand is how people can say that the partial-birth abortion methods are okay too. Now the child is even in daylight, alive, and the doctors go ahead and suck his brain out anyway. What a horrible way to die. What if a doctor came to your house one day and said, "Hey there, enjoying life? Yeah? Well, your mom said she doesn't want you right now, so hold still while I stick a tube in your head and suck your brain out through it." People grimace at the thought of Egyptians pulling dead people's brains out through their noses with a hook, and think that removing the brain of a living creature is all right because the mommy or daddy doesn't want to deal with the product of the night they got carried away. (If you haven't puked by now, maybe I should go into gory details.) This is exactly what is happening all the time. Mom or Dad say they can't handle having a kid right now, they don't love each other anymore, school is in the way, they don't have enough money, something along those lines. They go to the doctor, they ask to have their baby aborted, and voila, one dead human and no one's been arrested.
There are some cases in which I might consider abortion a rational choice. For instance, if having the child will kill the mother. In fact, I think that's the only situation that got past my strict no-death radar. And if the method of baby-killing chosen happened to be partial-birth abortion, well, the mother is probably going to be dead by then anyway. So partial-birth, at least, is completely ruled off. And then there are noble mothers everywhere who hear the risks they are taking by bringing new life into the world, and they decide to try anyway. Many of them survive. One case I know of in particular is that of my old principal, Sister Kathleen. Her mother was supposed to die when she was born, but she didn't. And if Sr.'s mom had backed down from the challenge, a life would have been wasted needlessly.
And for my last paragraph, if you aren't completely convinced that a fetus is a human, too. Well, first off, the Latin meaning of fetus is "little one". Not "almost alive but not really" or "not human because it doesn't have hair" or whatever you might have thought. So using that word will not get around any barriers. Second off, even if it doesn't look like that little being is really a human being with a soul and a mind and all the wonderful qualities of a human, it will someday. Every unborn child has a future. For all we know, the babies being killed today could have grown up to be great scientists, or doctors, or politicians, or even music or movie stars. But we'll never know now, because you only get one chance at life, and some people think stealing that chance away is just a simple choice, like trimming one's fingernails.

If all else fails, adopt your kid out. At least then they're alive. Duh.
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