Saturday, November 22, 2003

>_-
Ugh. A note to cheesecake-lovers: don't try Sbarros' cheesecake. It tastes like salad dressing (not a bad thing--except that I'd rather it tasted like cheesecake) and is rather stiff. All right, so it was more rock-like in makeup. Just don't try it.
Well, people, Nick has left. He's either on his way to or in South California. Will I survive? I think so. I drew this awesome picture last night... But, um, I don't know. *cough* I've been having soem troubles with drawing lately: once I draw something really good, it's like my talent's been used up for a while and I can't do another good one until it replenishes itself. Drew a great pic last night, drawn only horrible ones since.
In other news... My precious Jounouchi-kun was remarkably cute today, even for him. ^_^ They've started revealing Seto and Mokuba's life with Gonzaburo early on, and it's very sad. Seto was just a little kid! He shouldn't have been studying all day! Let his imagination roam a bit, would ya?
Chappy number two has been copied and is in the process of being revised. It's so short, uck. I need to figure out some way to fill it out, get some meat on those bones of a plot... Oh yes, Mrs. (not "Mr.", as Lisa pointed out I had typoed) Morris likes my short story! The one about the cult? Yeah. I just need to work on the ending, add a little more, and it'll be fine. I'm so proud! ^_^ She said it was very original, something nobody'd done before. I like that idea. Even if it's not the best, it's original. In your face, conformists!
Oh yes, and my AnimeNToast s/n isn't working for some reason. It says to wait and try again later, and it's been like that since 11 last night. So I'll only be on oroqueen if I'm on at all. Jaa.
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Friday, November 21, 2003

   Small children can be sweet, but they're still little energy vampires. I am BUSHED! T_T Read to them, played with them, died at their hands... Adorable little girl hugged my leg when I was about to leave, though. Then I almost dropped a book on her head and felt really bad. v_v Curse you, lack of coordination!
Conner's coming over for Thanksgiving! WHOO! We're gonna have a cookie-decorating party too, as an excuse for me and Conner and Ashley and Lisa to all get together. Very fun. *tryingt o ignore the fact that Nick's going to be gone aaaalll week...*
I'm really happy-hyper right now! We're gonna go manga shopping and eat at P.F. Chang's! Right now! Bye!
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   AAAARRGGHH!!!
All right, people, I am mad. No, I'm not mad, I'm enraged. You know why? Because of an article in the Catholic Standard about the document on same-sex marriages. Turns out it's against them. I hate the way it's set up, though. It starts out saying marriage is about unity, compassion, love, etc., then it goes and says people can't marry if they can't have kids when they have sex. Since when, may I ask, has marriage been ENTIRELY ABOUT KIDS AND SEX??!!! Oh yeah, and what about infertile women or those past menopause? Can they not marry? Because that's basically the idea you're sending across here. I also still stand by my point that forbidding homosexuals to marry in the eyes of the Church is prejudice and restriction. Sometimes I just want to poke the eyes of damn Church right out! ARGH!
I have decided, though, quite calmly, that if various Catholics are going to be that way about same-sex marriages, I'm not getting Confirmed. I don't want to be a Catholic if this is the way they see things. I am totally and completely serious; this is not an empty threat. At any time I could go up to Fr. Tucker or Miss Smith or whoever and say, "I'm sorry, but there is a teaching of the Catholic Church that I very strongly disagree with. Could I ask not to be Confirmed?" When I'm Confirmed, it'll be like saying, "Yep, I'm a Catholic and I go by the Church and the Lord's teachings and I'm happy to belong to this faith." Well, I'm not too happy to belong to this faith right now. I believe wholly all the teachings of the Church except this one (and maybe the one about animals not having souls; it's a little too sad for me ;_;).
All I can hope right now is that when I'm an adult who people in charge will really take seriously (they brush off teens like flies in the "real world", ever noticed that? They also blame us for everything wrong in the world, us and terrorists), I won't just be sitting back and thinking, "Oh, I've got so many responsibilities, I think I'll let someone else run my beliefs now." Because I like this feeling of strong belief I have right now, this determination to make a difference.
And in ten minutes I'm going to go get some service hours in case the Church changes its mind.
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Thursday, November 20, 2003

   Whoo!
I've been magically cured by something! I don't know what, but now I'm all better! Not sad, not mad, not scared, just trying to forget I did all that weird junk... Anyway, I'm happy! Hey, wait, maybe it was all the caffeine. It's a happy chemical, that caffeine. Makes me cheerful and slightly crazed.
I still can't see my new picture; I think all you people might be able to, but I can't. Weird. (It's Aya from Weiss Kreuz, by the way; or if you can't see it yet, it will be soon, I think. o_O)
I'm about to work on my second chappy, so be happy with me! ^_^
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T_T
Lost all control of my body today. Internet was down, felt very depressed and angry (I couldn't have any contact with the outside world, which I have decided is going to be a big part of getting better), and I went into the kitchen and opened the knife drawer. I thank the Lord above a million times over that kitchen knives aren't very sharp. Still no blood, and now I just feel afraid. I'm afraid of myself. Better than hating myself, I think, because I have no desire to try that again, but still.
I gave the screwdriver to Lisa today so I'm not tempted again. I can't believe I brought it to school in the first place.
I feel so bad for my mother. She asked if I was depressed (long conversation leading up to this) and I said I didn't think so. I want to curl up in a little ball and hide away now...
But I think I may be better now. Fear struck some sense into me (yay!). Let's hope I don't get any ideas again, shall we? Distractions such as manga and TV help too.
I think my mother may be snooping on my comp. She asked if I was corresponding with someone named Billy... I have a ton of pics of Billy from GC on my omputer with Billy-related file names, so this could be the cause. I don't know. I just don't know. All I really know is that I'd like very much to be able to handle my life without adults, because they're always so protective, instead of consoling or cooperative, which are the things I need. Lisa fits the bill though, as well as some of my other friends who take me seriously (mostly DES...), so I thank them. It's really helping, being taken seriously, so I think I can read my short story with pride this year.
Oh yes, wrote chapter 2 and half of chapter 3 in school today; they are now officially works in progress (copying, beta-reading, etc.). Hope to get them up within a week.
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   Well, I was going to say that I ate Pocky and read Gravitation and felt all better. That was true last night right before I went to sleep, but now I don't feel so great. It's not as severe as last night, but now I just feel small, and quiet. I don't really want to talk to anyone, but I can do what I have to to get out of this house and to school without incident. I'm hoping this is just a morning type of feeling and I really will be all better later on, but I'm not sure.
Should I blame this on low carbs in my diet?
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