Wednesday, November 19, 2003

   Not-Goodness
OK. Lemme sort this out somehow in my head. For some reason I really hate myself. It just started today. I don't know why. But I got the screwdriver out again and started scratching at this one spot... It wouldn't bleed, so I quit, but still... I don't get it! What happened?! What's with this sudden depression I'm getting?! >_< I don't understand my own emotions, not-not-not good. I can usually do the self-psychology/psychiatry thing (I did earlier today, even!), but it's not working right now. At all. It's like I've crossed some barrier into the unknown.
Anyway... I think I'm covering that spot with a band-aid for school tomorrow. It looks pretty painful. And is pretty painful, actually. (And for some reason a part of me says to that, "Good.")
Comments (2) | Permalink

O-ame!!! >_<
It rained today. And rained. And rained. And then it rained some more. All very heavily. Actually, it only began to rain really hard during sixth or seventh period. Since sixth grade was out on a field trip to some museum (blocking out the memory of almost getting to go and then having Mrs. Collella be too lazy to get the eighth grade a bus), we got to be patrols again! We got to wear the ponchos and coats and stuff, fun! I ended up with a coat cuz that's all that was left, but Andrew traded with me later outside and I got a poncho. The coats look like neon yellow trenchcoats...in vinyl. >_< Anyway, there was one of those rivers running down the curb, and it was about five inches deep, maybe (at least), and I stepped in it for fun and got water aaalll in my shoes and socks. Hoorah for washable suede! (My jacket is washable suede, just threw it in the drier when I got home and it was toasty warm when I got it out.)

Anyway, what happened today... Got report cards. All A's, except for a B in math and a G in art (the equivalent of a B, in case you didn't know). I got excellent comment codes in history/social studies and sucky comment codes in--you guessed it--math and art. I'm getting back on track with math though. I just need sleep and focus, and I'll be fine.

Greg almost got to post, but the bell rang. :( But now everyone thinks we're going out. Can I please kill whoever started this rumor? Please?! Meaghan asked me today if we were really going out, and I had to remind her of Nick (just about all the girls found out about this somehow) before she realized how stupid it was that people thought I was going out with Greg. *sigh* I hate going to this sheltered little Catholic school where talking to a boy means you're boyfriend and girlfriend.
Also, Ashley got mad at me today because I sat at their table instead of Roxy. When I last checked, Ashley and I were friends. Doesn't seem that way anymore. She gets mad at me when I'm hyper, mad at me when I'm depressed, mad at me when I'm mad, mad at me when I breathe too loudly... I don't know what's with her.

I worked on some self-psychology today that made me feel a little better. Also, Fr. What'sHisFace (can't remember the name all of a sudden) came in to talk and we discussed Confession, which made me start thinking about Saturday again... This led me to wonder about all of your perceptions of me.
Some of you say I'm a strong person, a kind person, a smart person, a neat person, a cool person. I don't know if any of this is really true. I perceive myself as lazy (but easily worked up), obsessive, mushy, weak-willed, and crazy with a negative connotation. #1 reason: On Saturday, I got really really mad, and pulled out my glasses repair kit (closest thing at hand), got the screwdriver out of it, and started scratching my hand. No blood, no cuts, just a little pain. Didn't help, but I did it anyway. Now I hate myself even more for it. I feel like an idiot. I don't know why I did it; I talked to Lisa and she says it never would have happened if I hadn't met DES, but I don't want to blame someone else. It's just me. Me being stupid. I had no reason, none at all, and now I've lost pretty much all my self-esteem.
So now I'm going to be depressed at least all night. Jaa.
Comments (2) | Permalink

   Please... No report card... please...
Checking ove comments, ladida... WHOAH! 5 posts yesterday! I was one bored puppy. Well, anyway, on the subject of report cards...I don't want mine. I just know I'm going to get bad grades and horrible comment codes... For the first time in my life I bet I'll fail a grade. They probably won't even let me apply to a private high school and send me to Einstein, or hold me back a year or something... ARGH! I hate eighth grade! And I'm still making typos!! *smashes head into desk repeatedly*
Greg's sitting right there, about ten feet away. Heh heh. -_- He's my guy friend, don't go getting ideas. I am NOT an unfaithful person! Maybe once they're done with their math lesson I can lend him a post to say hi to you all or something. I doubt Mrs. Doyle will be so lenient though. Ah well.
Hey--Darnit. They still have work to do. I'll see what I can do, but hey.
Anyway, I'm babbling about nothing because I can't talk right now. I took a math quiz, I think I did pretty good. It was open book, but I didn't even get to look at these chapters while I was shadowing, so this is good. I might work on a rough draft of my second chappy, so I can update my story right away and make people think "Oh, cool, she writes a lot and really cares about us." I got good reviews! It's a miracle! Nothing mean at all. -^_^- Well, I'm off to comment on Gerry's site as I haven't been there in a while. Since this morning, actually.
Comments (2) | Permalink

Tuesday, November 18, 2003

Just wanted to ask if anyone minded me changing my picture. I found a whole bunch of icons, but they're too big for AIM (file size), so I'll be changing it often to something new and exciting (Aya/Ran, Haruko wigging out, Hiko in a breeze, etc.). It just seems that a lot of people like my Yami picture and if you'll be missing it a lot just say so. When I'm done using my icons (I just don't want them to be all for nothing as I spent several hours finding them) I'll go back to this one if you like. Just asking. Don't want anyone mad at me. *slinks away*
Comments (1) | Permalink

   The Wonders of Sleep, and the Weirdness of Fiction
Well, I looked at my eye in the bathroom...and yes, there is a vein showing in it. (Eeeewwwww...) *shudder* I think it was the bad mixture of crying all night and then running all day on five hours sleep; what do you think?
Well, I slept. Oh, how I slept. I lay down, and then suddenly POOF, I'm asleep, and then there's just this long period in my mind of nothingness (where I was asleep), and then POOF, I'm conscious again. I never really noticed how weird or amazing sleep is before. Hopefully I won't need to notice again...

I lost the sounds I was hearing. I'm cured! ^_^ I think that could've been lack of sleep too, hearing the cell phone after it stopped ringing and hearing all sorts of weird things under the music I was playing.

Well, I finally can see all the reviews I got, very encouraging. ^____^ I'm really into this story, I think it's going to be a much bigger hit than my last one. And I'm so glad you liked it, DES!!! It was, after all, written dedicated to you. So naturally it's very nice that you actually like it.

Well, I'd like to see what you still cool people think (quite honestly) of this idea I have for a fiction story. I started work on it but I don't think it's very good, but till, Icould begin over or take it in a new direction. All right, here's the story (it's rathr complicated): 15-year-old boy (not because of Nick; it's because 15-year-old boys are in general the nicest, mellowest, funniest teenaged boys you can find *coughEddieeventhoughhe'sgaycough*) has magical powers, but doesn't realize the full extent of them. Evil dude (working on this bit), in order to prevent him from learning or using any more magic (it's an ego thing), turns him into a dog (inspired by Czar, my insane puppy). The dog-boy is moved into a new home, with a girl (thinking about the age still, but will probably go with the original 13). The evil dude (call him whatever you want) realizes that dog-boy has fallen in love with the girl (somehow I always find some way to make romance the main theme... somehow), so he gives the curse a twist and says that dog-boy will be changed back and returned home if he can get the girl to kick him out of the house (is this guy evil or what?). As the story progresses and time passes, dog-boy actually begins to start thinking more and more like a dog, and eventually gets himself kicked out and changed back, but the minute he's freed he falls back in love with the girl. There's some talkin', some finding of clothes for the poor boy, and eventually they go out to kick some evil dude rear end together. Then... how bout I throw in a cliffhanger ending so you don't know whether they get together or not? I like that idea. I also like Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, that's a very good show. Gay guys are the funniest (once again, in general)... Off-topic. Oh well. I forget what the topic was, so if you remember go ahead and comment!
Comments (3) | Permalink

   Officially creeped out now
I'm hearing things. Things that are't meant to be heard. I hear my mother's cell phone ringing, but it's too quiet to be it, because when it rang for real before it was much louder. I hear my mom yelling down the stairs to feed to dogs, but when I stop and listen, she hasn't said anything, isn't at the top of the stairs, is still in bed, and the dogs are up there too. I think I should rest. Lisa said my eye looked weird today, like it had a vein showing in it. I didn't check it out in a mirror because to me blood and eyes do not mix. Maybe they do anyway, but as long as I can't see it the two are unassociated. I'm actually going to take a nap. Honestly. I'm not just going to say, "I'm going to take a nap, seeya later," and then getting distracted, I'm going to go right upstairs once I've looked over my guestbook. So I really won't be back until later. So jaa, I'm sleeping.
Comments (0) | Permalink

...WOW! Just...WOW!
About the book called Cut. Well. I got another book wet, it seems. Bad habit, crying all over'em, you know. But I really needed a bunch of tissues by my bed while I was reading, it just got to me so well. It was just... I couldn't stop crying at one point, I was shaking and sobbing and... And I just kept thinking of DES, and it just sucked. And when she cut her wrist with the piece of pie tin, I felt all dizzy, 'cuz I'm not so good with blood sometimes, and... well... Yeah. I was breathing really hard, it was scary. But then, as she progressively gets better, and starts talking and everything, it just seemed like suddenly... I don't know, it was a strange feeling. Anyway, I love that book to death now, and I'm going to need to reread it. NOT tonight, though, because I fell asleep during history today--while shadowing! All becuase I HAD to read the whole book last night or I would be all depressed in the morning.

Ah yes, about this shadowing. I got to shadow an old friend of mine since pre-K, Javi. Lisa and Kelly were also shadowing there today, and since Lisa's host had to leave around gym class, Lisa came and shadowed Javi along with me. ^_^ She also returned my Gravitation (only the first volume, but I missed it so much!), and I wanted to read it all day! But obviously I couldn't, being surrounded by people brought up in a Catholic environment and going to a Catholic school and, well, being there. I don't read yaoi well under pressure. >_<

I think I'll be going to GC whether I like it or not, because Palloti's just in a bad spot for my parents to get me there and still get to work on time. GC has an anime club though, very very very cool. Can't wait. I wonder if anybody there would like yaoi depsite their religious raising...?

And... Nick's still here, folks, updating twice a day at least. So, like I always say, VISIT HIM, OR ELSE! *brandishes flamethrower*
Comments (6) | Permalink

*squeal*
Going shadowing to Good Counsel today, whee! That's not what I squealed about. What I squealed about is my fic being entered last night! It may or may not be up by now, I don't know for sure, but the first chappy's DONE! So here's whatcha do: Go to www.fanfiction.net (too lazy to make it a link), and do a search or somesuch for my pen name, Taka Llusion. Go to the story entitled "Unusual Escape", not the other one, because it's no good and I plan to destroy it quite soon. Anyway, there it is, complete with intro, ready to be read... No mean reviews, only rule of mine. Critical is fine, but not mean.
Read the book "Cut" last night, more on that later today.
Comments (5) | Permalink

Monday, November 17, 2003

WOW, I've got a lot of things to talk about
Well, I went shadowing today, in case you didn't notice. Pallotti's full of such funny people. ^_^ I shadowed a girl named Jenna who had all these funny friends. This one girl said at some point, "I'm writing the lyrics to 'Milkshake' in French... It's gangsta!" And seeing as "gangsta" is an inside joke with me and Lisa and Ashley and peoples, I found this quite entertaining. Another girl (Rosie) got her student ID at lunch and the picture was really bad, so this other girl stole it and Rosie was attacking her to get it back. There was a really sute guy, too, named Alex, but he had a girlfriend and all. Not to mention I have a boyfriend. So I guess we're all just happy then.
Another boy gave me a TicTac in Spanish class, and apparently I musta looked bored or something because the teacher handed me a bunch of People magazines written in Spanish. The only article I could read was about some organ transplant.
(the paragraph where odd facts go) The religion teacher is hysterical, he's awesome. The English teacher is... quite perverted. Everyone called me "Shadow", like it was my name or something. I got a lunch pass for pizza, ice cream, and a soda. They have 8 periods a day, not counting lunch! That would drive me crazy! But they're short, 'cuz the day's from 7:45 to 2:30 and lunch is long (and early! 10:35 or so!).
Other stuff that happened today... I got my book orders, all 3 of'em. The main item is a book entitled "Cut", about, well, a girl who cuts herself. Can you say "DEPRESSING"? ^_^ I love depressing stuff.
Also, ET (also called Stupid Hobo... cuz he looks like a hobo but has an AWESOME CAR) was over at Brandon's today, and I went to Lisa's and the only time I saw him was when he was leaving! I need to meet him to steal his trenchcoat and/or car...
Last night's shopping trip... well... Let's see, I lost my watch, I forsook Hot Topic to check for new manga at Waldenbooks, so naturally there was none, we didn't get our Dippin' Dots, and everyone got mad at me for stealing their food with my chopsticks. I had sushi, then stole some of Kelly's and Ashley's orange chicken, then Lisa's fries, then the remains of her cheeseburger (still with chopsticks here), and picked up Lisa's drink with them, but it was pretty much empty anyway. Also got some new studded bracelets and hot pink nail polish. And that is all. Like I said, a lot to talk about here. And Nick has joined, see below post. VISIT HIM, DAMMIT! -_O
Comments (4) | Permalink

   The Greatest Thing to Happen since Bread Became Green
PEOPLE! GUESS WHAT?!?! NICK JOINED MYOTAKU!!!!!! His username is Targ, he's on my friend list, and I better go right now or I'll be late to shadow. Visit him! Bye!
Comments (1) | Permalink