Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Happiness in Intelligent People
Long time no see! Sorry 'bout the radio silence there, I've been busy as hell. School, events, illnesses, and of course my little hobbies of gaming and reading have been sucking up time. That's okay though, because once again I am here to bestow upon the lowly people of the world my genius advice!

Today I have compiled some advice for all sorts of people and activities. Some is practical, some is born out of my frustration with people in general. Here we go!

Worldly Advice, Round 1:
When attending a winter formal dance, there are some things you simply should not wear, because they make you look like a total dumbass. Here are a few:
-Flip-flops. It's WINTER, for Jesus's sake. Formalities aside.
-Uggs. I have expressed disdain for these shoes before, because people just looove to wear them at inappropriate times. I don't care how comfy they are and how little you will actually be wearing shoes during the dance. The whole point of formal dances is to wear uncomfortable and elegant shoes. Just do it.
-Lingerie. On the outside. Yes, it may be a dress, but a leopard-print silk babydoll that barely covers your legs is not appropriate clothing in public.
-"Suits" that don't quite match. A suit jacket and pants that are obviously different will pass. However, a suit jacket and pants that are almost the same color but different styles, i.e. a nice tux jacket with a pair of oversized pants, just gives me the creeps. Go for totally different or perfectly matching.

Worldly Advice, Round 2:
DDR can be tons of fun, but it can also be dangerous! Here are some useful tips on not dying while jamming to Sandstorm.
-Use pads that don't stick to your feet. The flat, foldable plastic kind can't stand up to shoes, but they stick to your bare feet and can trip you up. Go for a pad with a little more weight or shape to it, like the foam-filled kind, if you want a lightweight pad. You can wear socks with a foldable pad so your feet aren't so sticky, but this can be a little risky, and not recommended.
-It's been said you should always wear shoes when using a hard pad because of the screws, which can knock up your feet pretty badly. If you like playing barefoot, as I do, don't fret, because there's an easy solution. Put duct tape over the screws, in a manner that doesn't hinder the buttons. If this isn't aesthetic enough for you, use colored duct tape and make pretty designs. Duct tape is a wonderful thing.
-Before playing any particularly bouncy song, make sure there are no loose, heavy objects around that could fall and break or hurt someone/something. My dad's big CD shelf doesn't rest evenly on the wonky porch floor, so it's tied to the wall so it doesn't fall and kill us. Your DDR spot should be in the safest part of your house, and preferably hooked up to the nicest TV/sound system.
-Between games, move the pads back to a good position. They tend to shift during play, and you can end up encroaching on your neighbor's space or getting too close to the screen.

Worldly Advice, Round 3:
Not everyone is a home decorator, but it's important to make sure your house does not annoy the crap out of your neighbors. Even if you don't care how it looks, they might, and they probably have large dogs and/or a shotgun.
-Take down your goddamn Christmas lights, or at least stop turning them on. You're wasting electricity and looking ridiculous if you still turn on your lights in February. At least take down the big inflatable monstrosities; they were ugly to begin with, and even moreso now that we're not full of Christmassy goodwill.
-Choose a sane color for the outside of your house. You can decorate the inside however you want, so there's no reason to go all flamboyant on the old plastic siding. You might love the color fuchsia, but a lot of people don't, so please be considerate. On the other hand, it does make it easier to find your house for first-time visitors.
-Speaking of which, please display your house number clearly. I don't care if you write on cardboard and shove it in the ground on a post, I just want to know where I'm going for this or that fab party. Not showing your number does not give off an air of mystery, it give off an air of obnoxiousness, and your postman probably hates you. Get a wee sign to put on your mailbox or something, it's very easy.
-Keep your cars to yourself. This is an issue we have with some of our neighbors. The horrible ones who are always annoying have about five cars in front of their house, and only one or two seem to actually function. If you're having a big party, suggest to your buddies that they carpool so they don't end up using the driveways of your poor neighbors. Also, one car per member of the household is quite enough. Nobody likes a hoarder.

That's my cranky advice for the day. I'm going to go play video games.
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