Wednesday, November 19, 2003

O-ame!!! >_<
It rained today. And rained. And rained. And then it rained some more. All very heavily. Actually, it only began to rain really hard during sixth or seventh period. Since sixth grade was out on a field trip to some museum (blocking out the memory of almost getting to go and then having Mrs. Collella be too lazy to get the eighth grade a bus), we got to be patrols again! We got to wear the ponchos and coats and stuff, fun! I ended up with a coat cuz that's all that was left, but Andrew traded with me later outside and I got a poncho. The coats look like neon yellow trenchcoats...in vinyl. >_< Anyway, there was one of those rivers running down the curb, and it was about five inches deep, maybe (at least), and I stepped in it for fun and got water aaalll in my shoes and socks. Hoorah for washable suede! (My jacket is washable suede, just threw it in the drier when I got home and it was toasty warm when I got it out.)

Anyway, what happened today... Got report cards. All A's, except for a B in math and a G in art (the equivalent of a B, in case you didn't know). I got excellent comment codes in history/social studies and sucky comment codes in--you guessed it--math and art. I'm getting back on track with math though. I just need sleep and focus, and I'll be fine.

Greg almost got to post, but the bell rang. :( But now everyone thinks we're going out. Can I please kill whoever started this rumor? Please?! Meaghan asked me today if we were really going out, and I had to remind her of Nick (just about all the girls found out about this somehow) before she realized how stupid it was that people thought I was going out with Greg. *sigh* I hate going to this sheltered little Catholic school where talking to a boy means you're boyfriend and girlfriend.
Also, Ashley got mad at me today because I sat at their table instead of Roxy. When I last checked, Ashley and I were friends. Doesn't seem that way anymore. She gets mad at me when I'm hyper, mad at me when I'm depressed, mad at me when I'm mad, mad at me when I breathe too loudly... I don't know what's with her.

I worked on some self-psychology today that made me feel a little better. Also, Fr. What'sHisFace (can't remember the name all of a sudden) came in to talk and we discussed Confession, which made me start thinking about Saturday again... This led me to wonder about all of your perceptions of me.
Some of you say I'm a strong person, a kind person, a smart person, a neat person, a cool person. I don't know if any of this is really true. I perceive myself as lazy (but easily worked up), obsessive, mushy, weak-willed, and crazy with a negative connotation. #1 reason: On Saturday, I got really really mad, and pulled out my glasses repair kit (closest thing at hand), got the screwdriver out of it, and started scratching my hand. No blood, no cuts, just a little pain. Didn't help, but I did it anyway. Now I hate myself even more for it. I feel like an idiot. I don't know why I did it; I talked to Lisa and she says it never would have happened if I hadn't met DES, but I don't want to blame someone else. It's just me. Me being stupid. I had no reason, none at all, and now I've lost pretty much all my self-esteem.
So now I'm going to be depressed at least all night. Jaa.
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