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Birthday
• 1990-06-13
Gender
• Female
Location
• MD, USA
Member Since
• 2003-08-03
Occupation
• DES's hikari
Real Name
• Tory (Dori, Tostito)

Personal

Achievements
• A lot, not that they matter. Anime Club President/Fuhrer till the end of this year.
Anime Fan Since
• (age 4) Tonari No Totoro
Favorite Anime
• Gravitation, Weiss Kreuz, Hagaren (FMA), Kino No Tabi, .hack, Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann
Goals
• To go on an insane shopping spree in Tokyo sometime soon. Gosurori...
Hobbies
• Drooling. Over many things.
Talents
• I make a mean ramen, mm!




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myOtaku.com: shiroikarasu


Thursday, November 20, 2003

T_T
Lost all control of my body today. Internet was down, felt very depressed and angry (I couldn't have any contact with the outside world, which I have decided is going to be a big part of getting better), and I went into the kitchen and opened the knife drawer. I thank the Lord above a million times over that kitchen knives aren't very sharp. Still no blood, and now I just feel afraid. I'm afraid of myself. Better than hating myself, I think, because I have no desire to try that again, but still.
I gave the screwdriver to Lisa today so I'm not tempted again. I can't believe I brought it to school in the first place.
I feel so bad for my mother. She asked if I was depressed (long conversation leading up to this) and I said I didn't think so. I want to curl up in a little ball and hide away now...
But I think I may be better now. Fear struck some sense into me (yay!). Let's hope I don't get any ideas again, shall we? Distractions such as manga and TV help too.
I think my mother may be snooping on my comp. She asked if I was corresponding with someone named Billy... I have a ton of pics of Billy from GC on my omputer with Billy-related file names, so this could be the cause. I don't know. I just don't know. All I really know is that I'd like very much to be able to handle my life without adults, because they're always so protective, instead of consoling or cooperative, which are the things I need. Lisa fits the bill though, as well as some of my other friends who take me seriously (mostly DES...), so I thank them. It's really helping, being taken seriously, so I think I can read my short story with pride this year.
Oh yes, wrote chapter 2 and half of chapter 3 in school today; they are now officially works in progress (copying, beta-reading, etc.). Hope to get them up within a week.
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