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myOtaku.com: shiroikarasu


Sunday, December 7, 2003


   Warning: Angry rant
I will tell you quite frankly, I am sick of hearing people say, "What if they're just trying to get attention?" You know what I mean, about people talking about their problems. I, personally, am not telling people about them for attention, and they didn't start because I wanted attention either. There is a difference between seeking attention and seeking help and support. I try to be as sincere as possible about my feelings, and at least one person has brushed them off and told me to stop whining. The same person also told me I should get some help or talk to a doctor. Isn't that kind of a contradiction? All I want is a little guidance, and people think I'm a whiny brat! I can't DO this on my own, I can't just suddenly wake up one morning and say, "I'm tired of being sad so I'll just be not-sad." I'm not like this because I chose to be! And I can't be something else because I choose to be! I cannot change my emotions whenever I feel like it, whatever you people may be able to do. Emotions just happen. They're like weather, they change according to specific causes, not just what we want them to be. I want to be happy, I really do, but I can't just BE happy. I need help. People have even told me this. I should talk to my parents, I should talk to a priest, I should talk to a guidance counselor or a therapist. But if I should talk to them about this, can't I talk to you, too? What's the difference? If the person who told me to stop just vying for attention was really my friend, maybe they would have listened and tried to be helpful. Apparently that's too much trouble for them. At least I try to be helpful, even when I fail miserably. At least I made an effort. But when you doubt your friend is really feeling the was they do, no matter how honest they try to be, are you really being a good friend?
Answer that yourself. I just gave you the background for the question. If you don't like what you see, you don't have to agree with me. We are each entitled to our own opinions. I just needed to get these feelings out before I killed something.

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