Monday, January 16, 2006

A Bit o' This and That
So I was watching TV, and a commercial for a diet pill came on. Normally I just make fun of diet/excercise plan commercials and how the before and after pics look like different people, but this time I just felt very, very sad that I belong to such a weak, simpering race as that of human beings.
First off, one of the people says something like, "When a 5-year-old says you're fat..." COME ON, PEOPLE. They're 5-year-olds! They're not fat because they spend their whole day running around like a mad thing, smashing their heads into walls. When a 5-year-old says you're fat, you need to teach your 5-year-old some manners or that kid is never going to have a social life. If your self-esteem is so fragile that it can be shattered by a tactless 5-year-old (who doesn't even have a high school health class education and really doesn't know what a healthy weight is, and when compared to his 50 lb little ass, you are indeed fat), then you don't need diet pills, you need a therapist.
Then there's the next part of the commercial--we've had the sob stories ("I was so fat, my wedding was such a disappointment, wah wah wah."), so now it's time for the inspiring results ("I lost 5 million lbs, and look at me now! I don't need skirts anymore, I can just cut a hole in the end of a sock and wear that!"). But instead of the usual smaller-clothes, healthier-life results, we get some incredibly ugly woman sitting in a compromising position doing god-knows-what with a chicken feather. Three words describe it all... "What the HELL?" This woman is not sexy. She looks ill. Her face is oddly stretched and her hair has been over-bleached. Her skin is very fake-tanned, and it looks as though standing upright might be painful. And what's with the feather? What, we can't tickle ourselves with feathers if we're over 160 lbs? Damn, didn't know that, I better start watching my carbs. So commercial-makers, please, if you're going to try and entice us with sexiness, pick a sexy woman doing something sexy. Chicken feathers make me think about the poor dead chicken's naked butt, and that is not sexy, just disturbing. Kind of like that woman's baggy eyes.

There's the rant for the day. Here's the news: We got a new car to replace the ailing Aztek--now we've got a black Honda Pilot with a DVD player and 3rd-row seats. I love it--I just wish it were more colorful. It's got a nice quiet drive and comfy seats. My nose is running like it's got the FBI on its tail, ack! Last night I spent at my aunt's with my mom and grandma, and had an interesting plethora of food for dinner (duck roll with pear, a cheese plate, and wasabi-grilled tuna with peanut sauce) and a bit of white wine after, which has put me off of that form of alcohol too. So far we have no red or white wines and no gin. This morning I got to take a bath in the whirlpool tub, but it messed my hair up like a mad thing, so I'm caught between taking a shower even when I feel clean and risking sleeping on my hair funny or leaving my hair to be messy and bleh. Life's dilemmas!

I'm so pissed off at people who neglect their pets. It's so incredibly easy to take care of them properly. Most of these people are probably unemployed and just sit around on their asses complaining all day and smoking weed anyway. Here's a simple rule of thumb for not getting arrested for animal cruelty: Don't adopt a dog if you can't afford to feed it. And definitely don't get 10. Then you just look like a crazy person. Also, if the animal's bones are showing, feed it. If it's bleeding a lot or has a tumor hanging off its leg, take it to the vet. Don't just leave it there, because the poor thing dying is not going to make your problem go away.
In fact, that right there is a good rule for every one of life's problems. Something dying is not going to make your problem go away. Life isn't that easy. :P
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