myOtaku.com: shiroikarasu

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1990-06-13
Gender
• Female
Location
• MD, USA
Member Since
• 2003-08-03
Occupation
• DES's hikari
Real Name
• Tory (Dori, Tostito)

Personal

Achievements
• A lot, not that they matter. Anime Club President/Fuhrer till the end of this year.
Anime Fan Since
• (age 4) Tonari No Totoro
Favorite Anime
• Gravitation, Weiss Kreuz, Hagaren (FMA), Kino No Tabi, .hack, Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann
Goals
• To go on an insane shopping spree in Tokyo sometime soon. Gosurori...
Hobbies
• Drooling. Over many things.
Talents
• I make a mean ramen, mm!

myOtaku.com: shiroikarasu

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Lots of Crap
Things are not back to normal as I had hoped. Ever since Sunday I've been feeling emotionally touchy, probably because I'm falling behind with my medication. But it just goes to show that I'm not getting better like my psych. said I would. I miss a few days of meds and I'm right back to feeling the way I did November and December of '03. Things aren't going to get better, are they? All these doctors and counselors everyone has, they're just to help keep up in th race of compensation, and we compensate and compensate for all the things that start to go wrong with us and keep getting worse and worse until the day we die. It's a losing battle. I wear glasses so I can see, but every year my vision gets worse, my astigmatism gets worse. My depression isn't going to go away, and all I can do is keep the door shut so it doesn't barge in, because it will always be waiting outside.

Today was horrible. I have three canker sores all near each other so I can barely close my mouth without experiencing a shooting and lingering pain. I can't even enjoy my food. I can't get a good night's sleep and I keep waking up just as tired as I was when I went to bed. I do one homework assignment and feel proud of myself only to realize the next day that I missed two others. I havea paper to write and a project to do tonight before I can do so much as nap (if I weren't home alone I wouldn't even be able to post). I feel lonely and pressured. Some of my best friends are leaving in just a few days. I just want to curl up and go to sleep and either never wake up, or wake up in a time when these things aren't happening anymore. I just want all this stress to go away, and I can't think of any way to do it without creating more stress.

There, now I've filled my annual troubled-teenager angst post quota. I need to get off my ass and murder myself through homework now.
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